To call school out for racism

[Wtaffuming]

Dd5 is mixed race. Her biological father is of Indian descent. It was an abusive relationship. I left at first opportunity. I have full custody of dd, he has supervised access.
My dp has brought her up from 9mo. He is white like me.
Today DP went to collect DD from school and new teacher refused to hand her over as she didn't believe he was 'Daddy'
School is aware of the issues with bio dad and court orders.
My aibu is... If bio dad turned up would new teacher have handed her over because of the colour of his skin? Dp takes her to school everyday and has done since reception

That's one of the cases where someone is being too precious, and uses these insinuating words such as racism, or "offensive", "discriminatory" to make a mountain out of mole heap, and contributes to people being turned off the idea of being politically correct at all. More harm than good in this approach.

I am impressed by the school's level of caution. Particularly as they must have been aware that somebody would be sure to shout "racism" at them.

You should be thanking that teacher for trying to keep your child safe, not calling her a racist ffs! People like you seriously piss me fucking off! Let's just hope your child doesn't suffer actual racism some day.

You and your partner are white and your dc is mixed race so how is it racist that the teacherwas uncertain he was her stepfather?
Surely she was just being cautious.

"Her fully white older brother was handed over to dp no problem"

this is the bit that's really odd.

I'm not white btw. I'm not sure what to say based on this information, but if the new teacher wasn't sure, it seems bizarre to hand over one child and not the other. Surely the teacher would go and check overall?

I think there are issues though - the teacher should have questioned the other people who had collected this child as well as OP's partner

The other people probably didn't have any problems because they weren't being identified as a person on the "no pick up" list.

At my DDs school, lower primary teachers will stand at the door with a board of all the children's names and their approved collector list and ask the children if they see who is picking them up. They will then identify their adult "My daddy's there/that's my granny/my big brother Billy" etc. and the teacher will release them provided the person is on the list.

The problem in the OPs case seems to be that their DP has done pick up and DD has identified DP as "daddy". In the OPs case, her DDs bio dad is not allowed to collect her, so when DD identified the man collecting her as daddy, the teacher probably wanted to confirm that "daddy" was not bio dad but was actually step dad before releasing her.

It's caution, don't start accusing the school of racism, they will be too scared to check anything out in case they get accused.

It's not racist its applying simple genetics. I wasnt the colour of anyone's skin it was the fact that they doubted he was the biological father based on simple genetics. No one was implying anyone was the wrong skin colour or shouldn't be treated equally because of their skin colour simply misguidedly trying to protect your child. That's not racist imo.

It has nothing to do with racism!! They were trying to PROTECT YOUR CHILD! Surely you should be pleased with that. You need to make sure they're fully aware of your domestic set up. OK you may have told them before but there's no harm reminding them if your DP is picking up your child on a particular day. They deal with hundreds of kids and of course one member of staff might not be aware/might forget.

If the teacher is new, then she won't have been familiar with any of the parents or carers picking up. Did she have a problem with any one else?

"Her fully white older brother was handed over to dp no problem"

this is the bit that's really odd.

Not really. At DDs school the lower primary kids are released to their parent/carer and the upper primary are just allowed to leave alone, it's a process that is relaxed a bit more every year. Reception and Yr1 are personally handed over, by Yr2/3/4 they just have to say "I see my mum/brother/gran" and yr 5/6 are just released from class.

So in this situation, if DD is in Yr1 then the teacher probably releases them individually to a specific person whereas if DS is in Yr5 then his teacher probably just let's them out of class and watches to make sure everyone goes with an adult.

his is the bit that's really odd.

I'm not white btw. I'm not sure what to say based on this information, but if the new teacher wasn't sure, it seems bizarre to hand over one child and not the other. Surely the teacher would go and check overall?

Unless it's a very small school then the older brother presumably has a different teacher.

Also it depends if the older sibling has the same "do not release to father" note on file as the younger one.

I hate this kind of thing. By crying racism at any minor misunderstanding, especially with your child's welfare being at the heart of things, serves only to minimise how seriously true racist incidents are treated.

I bet you do. Probably because you don't have to put up with bullshit assumptions and low level prejudices on a depressingly, wearying basis. If you did then you might have a clue.

lyra

Oh I was thinking the teacher who did collection was the same.

OP I think we need more info to judge.

I have to collect my white goddaughter from school sometimes - there's a list of people but also a password system.

It's not racist its applying simple genetics
It isn't though! Plenty of people have biological children of a significantly different colour!

It is racist to assume that a white person can't have a BAME child.

School is aware of the issues with bio dad and court orders.
So is the teacher is aware of this? Because if she is and your daughter said there is 'daddy'; of course the teacher is not going to allow her to go with him if she assumes that is the 'dad' on the court order.

Not racism.
The same way it was not sexism when I tried to log on to my DH’s telephone banking (he knew), I had all the credentials but because my voice sounded female they refused to talk to me. I asked if they would have accepted if I was a man - yes, they sald. Still not sexism.

Stop looking for racism where it doesnt exist

I think you’re being very unfair on the teacher. Accusing someone of racism is an extremely serious accusation and it seems pretty clear in this situation that this was a safeguarding issue. Your partner isn’t the biological dad so he won’t look anything like your DC never mind the fact that he is white - so if the teacher hadn’t seen him before then her questioning him isn’t that extraordinary. Its early in the term, school staff are still getting to know parents and carers at school pick up so this is the perfect time for someone who shouldn’t be picking a child up to take advantage - staff are therefor understandably vigilant.

Also it depends if the older sibling has the same "do not release to father" note on file as the younger one.

Which presumably he doesn't if he has a different father.

I was once not allowed to collect my own children by the new teacher as I speak with a heavy accent and my children don't. The problem was resolved by a visit to the school office who dug out the registration forms for the children.
I think they are just being extra cautious, not racist.

I also have mixed race kids (also half Indian) and on several occasions people have suspected they are not mine. Its happened in many places and it was annoying to be interrogated at an airport by someone who suspected I was abducting them! He repeatedly asked my boy to call me mummy but my son has selective mutism so he refused to speak and looked terrified making the man even more suspicious. However irritating it is I don't believe it's racism. They're jumping to conclusions yes but not being racist. I look nothing like my children so it's easy to make that mistake.