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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask friend to remove her dog from the room when I visit with my child?

388 replies

BadBehaviour · 11/09/2019 21:56

I’ve recently had a baby and I have been taking my baby to see friends, one friend has quite a large breed of dog. I have asked her before I visit to remove the dog from the room temporarily whilst we are there. She’s agreed but when I turn up she hasn’t done it, nor is she willing to.

I understand it’s her home if she wants her dog in every room that’s her right. I just end up leaving as I will not take my baby inside. She refuses to meet up elsewhere.

So AIBU to ask her to remove her dog from the room we are in temporarily?

Thanks guys Smile

OP posts:
YeOldeTrout · 12/09/2019 08:49

Any dog not walked regularly will become aggressive, as they have no other outlet.

going to be bouncing off the walls if he's only walked twice a WEEK!

Those rules aren't blanket true. My cousin had 3 dogs, never walked, soppy nice friendly harmless things. They got over-excited the day we arrived (in ordinary barking dog way) but were mellow the entire time otherwise. 2 of them large breeds (one was

LolaSmiles · 12/09/2019 09:04

GiveMeHope103
There's a difference between small children visiting who will toddle and run and might not have been taught how to approach dogs yet (but they should be taught how to be sensible bit by bit so they don't get kept away from dogs or get given the dogs at scary message, or think it's fine to grab and chase dogs because their parents CBA to teach them how to behave properly), and a baby who will be with mum.

I'd get behind keeping dog to one side when a toddler is present, then phasing in contact etc.

Deciding that because theyve had a baby they won't go in friends house with a dog unless the dog is shut away is ridiculous. They're fine to draw whatever lines they want, but it's a bit over the top and paranoid for no reason

blackcat86 · 12/09/2019 09:08

Of course YNBU. DPs put their dogs out of the room when I visited with DD until she was about 6 months, then we did a slow intro. Why would anyone take a risk with a large dog and a new baby. Your friend is a dick doesn't care about your feelings or your baby. I would be telling her that given past experience, visiting her doesn't work for you. If she isn't willing to compromise or meeting else where or removing the dog that probably tells you all you need about the friendship

DriftingLeaves · 12/09/2019 09:08

I can't believe the number of people who think the loony friend is reasonable. If you agree to put the dog in another room then that's what you do. You don't wait for your visitor to arrive and then stamp your foot and say, "Shan't!".

She's not a friend worth having, OP. Drop her, she sounds pretty friendless already and deservedly so.

CheeryB · 12/09/2019 09:13

Are you trying to tell me it’s not normal for someone to worry about a dog attacking your child?

That's only one opinion. I was uneasy about dogs around my baby.
It's a proper gut feeling when you don't trust a dog and you can't relax until you're away from it. It's quite normal.

Icantthinkofanynewnames · 12/09/2019 09:13

Just hold your baby and don’t let the baby near the dog?! Not a big deal is it? 🤷‍♀️

dottiedodah · 12/09/2019 09:17

I am a No 1 Dog lover TBH. Sitting with my dear DBF(Doggy Best Friend)!.However I appreciate not everyone feels the same, and as a new Mum you will rightly feel protective towards your LO.I think I would look for a new chum really . I will put my girl in another room if people are not happy ,that is only politeness and common decency especially with a young baby !

Juells · 12/09/2019 09:23

HRTFT

I have two little dogs, and if someone was visiting with a baby I'd put them in another room even without being asked.

CheeryB · 12/09/2019 09:26

Just hold your baby and don’t let the baby near the dog?!

A dog might lunge at a squeaking baby. Things happen fast. Best avoid the possibility imo.

Wexone · 12/09/2019 09:29

Sorry if this was my house i would say no, dogs that are large breeds are not dangerouse unless their owner has raised and treated them to be. Dogs get excited whe they see something new and are naturally enquisitive. Don't visit the house then . Did the dog make you feel uncomfortable before you had the babay? What exactly is the dog doing to make you feel uncomfortable? After a while the dog will not be interested

Sweetdreamer93 · 12/09/2019 09:33

Smaller breeds are more likely to bite as they feel threatened quicker.

Too many Disney movies have been teaching you that large breeds are the baddies.

LucieLucie · 12/09/2019 09:38

Can I ask honestly why people stand up for staffys so much? I'm honestly curious because I always thought they were a breed need for fighting, and very tough?

I agree. This is a breed created for attacking other animals but fiercely loyal and protective of its people. A deadly combination imo, I'm sick of hearing about these staffys attacking people's dogs and cats when out and about and idiots saying it's not the dog it's the owner. No, it's an aggressive breed and I wish people would muzzle them to keep other pets safe.

Anyway, I'm not sure this thread is genuine. Who would honestly go to someone's house 3 times with a newborn if they weren't able to go inside because the friend didn't stick to her promise? This friend also doesn't go out the house, so presumably doesn't work and doesn't even walk her dog? Confused

How do people like this even have friends? Hmm

SuperMumTum · 12/09/2019 09:39

I hate dogs and houses that smell of dogs and dog hair on the cushions. I just wouldn't visit, especially if you've had the conversation and she's refused to accommodate you at all. She sounds pretty unfriendly tbh. I'm sure you can find better things to do with your baby.

tiredwardsister · 12/09/2019 09:40

YANBU I have a totally harmless dog a friend came over with a serious dog phobia she can’t even talk about dog without having a panic attack. I shut him in the garden shed for a few hours I fully appreciate that not everyone likes dogs. If you invite someone to your house it’s courteous to make them welcome including removing your dog if they ask you too.

Original poster
BadBehaviour · 12/09/2019 09:48

LucieLucie I appreciate this thread a getting rather long I have said she does leave the house she just prefers to stay at home in her free time.

Yes j did go to her house 3 times I honestly thought everytime she’d consider my feelings I guess I’m pretty gullible.

I do want to stay friends with her, before having a baby I had no problem going there & sitting on the sofa next to her dog with her dog occasionally climbing all over me however I have to now consider my child’s safety

OP posts:
BloodyDisgrace · 12/09/2019 09:50

The way I see it: you are her friend, you can be classed as a person who is "afraid of dogs" (doesn't matter that it's about your child etc; you are just reticent about dog's presence), so if she is a good friend, she should oblige. Even though she is in her house. If I had a friend who is allergic to cats, I'd put them into another room while a friend is here. It is courtesy and consideration.

The fact that she is unwilling shows she is a bit of a poxy friend who doesn't value you.

I know dog owners can be annoyingly precious about their dogs, the kind who insists "aw he's friendly" to a person in a public space who is terrified of a large dog charging towards them and barking. I can't stand these folk. Maybe she is this kind.

AllNewDay · 12/09/2019 10:06

I am usually team dog when these things come up but in this case, YANBU.

Depending on the dog's age, I'd consider reporting him to animal services. If he is not walked and not trained - well it doesn't sound as if he is living a great life.

SVRT19674 · 12/09/2019 10:18

I don't trust dogs either, and even less when my baby is around. I just wouldn't visit. She agreed to remove the dog and didn't keep her word. No more visits, so both of you are comfortable.

Sweetdreamer93 · 12/09/2019 10:19

Cool, can I ask people to shut their kids away when I visit. I find them noisy, destructive and annoying. Grin

ScruffGin · 12/09/2019 10:19

She is being unreasonable. It's up to her if she puts the dog out when you visit, but she shouldn't say she will then refuse when you get there. I wouldn't have bothered going back after the first or second time!

You are not being unreasonable wanting the dog put out whilst you are there. I've got two large breed dogs and always put them out when other people request it (to be honest I do it automatically when small children/babies come round)

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 12/09/2019 10:21

No, it's not a reasonable request. It's the dog's home etc.

You are not at all unreasonable not to visit though.

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 12/09/2019 10:23

Assuming you don't dump your newborn baby on the floor, what on earth are you worried about?

GabsAlot · 12/09/2019 10:23

Id give up op she obviously think she knows best and wont put the dog away

Alittleodd · 12/09/2019 10:26

My dog is a ridiculous, tiny snuffly little thing that is softer than cotton wool (he's currently sitting on my lap giving his toy dinosaur a really through wash which means in about 3 minutes he's going to snuggle up on it and go to sleep).... I am fanatical about him to the point that many family members have accused me of loving the dog more than them (I do).

I have a friend who doesn't like him, he's not scared of the dog - he just thinks the dog's ridiculous face looks like an old coworker he despises and so he doesn't want the mutt around him. I cannot think of a more ridiculous reason for him to dislike my precious snuggly fluffy baby...

And yet the dog gets shut away when he visits because I understand the basics of hosting someone in my home and being a half decent friend. So.

No, YANBU.

Nonmerci · 12/09/2019 10:28

I find bigger dogs more friendly and approachable personally. Smaller dogs tend to be quite snappy and nippy.

Anyway, I would be pissed off at her wasting your time. She says she will move the dog, you go to the effort of visiting her and she then refuses to move it. Weird behaviour. Obviously her choice to do what she pleases in her own home but why even bother telling you she’ll move it?

My DGM has a staffie, it’s absolutely wild so she always puts it upstairs when visitors come over.