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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask friend to remove her dog from the room when I visit with my child?

388 replies

BadBehaviour · 11/09/2019 21:56

I’ve recently had a baby and I have been taking my baby to see friends, one friend has quite a large breed of dog. I have asked her before I visit to remove the dog from the room temporarily whilst we are there. She’s agreed but when I turn up she hasn’t done it, nor is she willing to.

I understand it’s her home if she wants her dog in every room that’s her right. I just end up leaving as I will not take my baby inside. She refuses to meet up elsewhere.

So AIBU to ask her to remove her dog from the room we are in temporarily?

Thanks guys Smile

OP posts:
ChuckleBuckles · 12/09/2019 10:31

he just thinks the dog's ridiculous face looks like an old coworker he despises @Alittleodd I am going to need to see a picture of your dog, please.

mrsk28 · 12/09/2019 10:35

YANBU.

My mother has 2 dogs that are quite jumpy and nip at the baby's legs if they are let in so she puts them outside when we visit.

If she agrees beforehand she should have enough respect for your wishes to do it or explain why she won't.

Alittleodd · 12/09/2019 10:39

I won't post an actual photo of him (but he is way cuter than the one in the picture, obviously goes without saying) because he's probably the most identifying thing I could put on MN but he's a pug!!! How harsh is that on the ex-coworker?! Poor woman.

AIBU to ask friend to remove her dog from the room when I visit with my child?
GabsAlot · 12/09/2019 10:40

An the dog jumps up on the sofa

PrincessHoneysuckle · 12/09/2019 10:52

I've got a Chihuahua and hes a little shit ,I'd always put him out of the room around children but I have had a staffy and she was totally different,so loving and soft.It looks like you're at a stale mate with your friend,dont go if you feel uncomfortable.

Zaphodsotherhead · 12/09/2019 11:03

I have a terrier and she looks cute and approachable. She really really isn't. So I have the opposite, people say 'aww, don't put her out!' when they visit, and then after five minutes they realise just why I put her out when I have visitors.

So I understand not wanting the dog around, but I also understand that it's horrible to shut the dog (who just wants to be with you) out of the room and listen to them snuffling at the door and howling and scratching the paintwork.

I think your friend may think more of her dog than she does of your baby, which is fine and natural, it's not HER baby, the dog is. But you may have to let this friendship go. Although, if she genuinely won't ever leave the house, you may try suggesting that she may need some help with her MH and maybe be available on the phone?

KarmaStar · 12/09/2019 11:19

Yabu as a responsible dog owner she would put her dog away if a risk.
You will be holding baby or baby will be in car seat with you beside him or her so why are you demanding dog is removed?
She is probably very upset with you for implying her dog is dangerous and she is not able to control him.

Thymejuice · 12/09/2019 11:36

I'm concerned about the dog. Did you say it only gets walked twice a week? Poor thing is probably going stir crazy shut up indoors so much. She should get a dog walker if she's too busy or feels unable to go out.

I love dogs but would respect a friend's fear. An ex boyfriend was scared of dogs so I used to stay in one room when he was visiting. The dog had the run of the house except that room (either my bedroom or the living room).

Lentilbug · 12/09/2019 12:06

@KarmaStar
How do you know the friend is a responsible dog owner and doesn't have blinkers on when it comes to assessing her dog?

How can you be sure the dog doesn't pose a risk especially considering that in many situations where family dogs attack babies there were no warning signs?

Dogs lunge and jump. Holding the baby does not negate that risk.

And anyway it would seem that the friend is not a good owner because the dog is not getting walked.

MyNameIsIrrelevant · 12/09/2019 12:09

Yanbu
I always shut my dog away in another room, she's a giddy pain and the kids are small, she's ok around mine but any visitors and she's over excited, not a vicious bone in her, I still wouldn't have her around other kids.
If she won't go anywhere, can you invite her to your house? 🤷🏼‍♀️
It doesn't sound like the friendship will last if I'm honest.

BloodyDisgrace · 12/09/2019 12:12

Sweetdreamer93 yes, kids can be annoying but they are not dangerous, so the comparison with a dog doesn't stand, I'm afraid. You aren't concerned for your safety when you visit people with kids (I hope; otherwise these must be very feral kids); the woman with a small baby is, for the baby's.

I find small children annoying too or at least tiring, and wouldn't stay around for long, so I get ya, but this is a different matter.

Batcrazymum3 · 12/09/2019 12:16

Some of these comments are shocking! People saying, Just because it’s a large breed doesn’t mean it will attack I even seen someone say
No dog is going to attack a baby in your arms, how exactly did we come up with that little fact then??!!!

I can see a man walking with a gun, doesn’t mean he will shoot it but I would still take my baby as far away from possible from it.

Dogs, ALL DOGS are unpredictable. Doesn’t matter if it’s your “little fur baby” or “one of the family”. It’s a dog, an animal. I think it’s very fair to do everything to keep your baby safe and this includes asking that the dog be kept away from your baby.

PhilSwagielka · 12/09/2019 12:37

Btw the nanny dog thing is bullshit, no pun intended - it was pit bulls who were nanny dogs, although I'm not sure how true it is. Staffies were bred as fighting dogs. It's why a lot of them are OK with humans but terrible with other dogs.

Lou670 · 12/09/2019 13:02

Why are people so concerned about how often the dog gets walked?

You don't know the circumstances. I have a Jack Russell and I would love to take her on walks as I walk a lot. She hates walking and is very happy just to amble around the garden. My other dog is a cavalier and used to walk for miles but he is now elderly and dying of cancer. He wants to walk as he once did, but simply can't now.

How often she walks her dog is her business and there may be reasons for it not being frequently walked. It does not make her a bad dog owner or that she has Mental Health Issues. People are so quick to judge someone from what is written on a forum without knowing them or their situation.

LolaSmiles · 12/09/2019 13:37

Lou
Probably because it was an irrelevant drop feed designed to get the response the OP wanted by presenting the dog owner as irresponsible and therefore that makes the OP's sudden decision the dog can't be trusted totally logical.

Standard MN isn't it, add in additional or irrelevant details if the replies aren't going your way

Ultimately one or both of them will have to budge or there's no continuing the friendship. Neither of them are wrong to feel how they do, but they've got to decide between them if they want to keep the friendship.

DriftingLeaves · 12/09/2019 14:21

I really don't understand the problem some have with shutting the dog away. It's a dog FFS not Elizabeth II. Wink

ZiggyB · 12/09/2019 14:31

^^ this

SconeofDestiny · 12/09/2019 14:38

OP, Accept that your friend is a twat and stop bothering with her. She obviously values the dog far more than your friendship so move on and find a new friend.
I always put my large breed dog outside when we have visitors, until I know if they're dog lovers. He stays outside if there are visiting children in the house. It keeps him and them safe.

SusanneLinder · 12/09/2019 15:03

Alittleodd , I love your dog and have a similar one.
I have 3 dogs, two large and one small. None of my dogs are bothered by children and babies and aren't interested, but I would still shut them in the kitchen if small children or babies came round. My small dog is a puppy and he gets overexcited when visitors come, so best he is put away anyway.

StrictlyComeMarie · 12/09/2019 15:03

YANBU

LochJessMonster · 12/09/2019 15:09

YANBU
I'm a huge dog lover, dog owner and I work with dogs.

The dog could be the most well behaved, wonderful temperament dog in the world but if you don't want it around your child then YANBU.
However, it is her dog and her house so she doesn't have to agree.

You are quite in your right to not go round there.

A88ie1 · 12/09/2019 17:02

Yea how would you feel if someone told you to remove your kid because of their dog?

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/09/2019 17:03

" I can visit on my own which I do."

@BadBehaviour why do you do this?

You've described this person as someone who "prefers to stay at home in her free time" and who "refuses to meet up elsewhere [than her house]" which rather implies that she expects you to do all the running. How did you even come to be friends with her, did you work together, go to school together, are related - what is the basis/history of your friendship? Is she an old friend? I ask because I find many people confuse old friends - someone they've known for a long time - with good friends, when really the friendship petered out years ago.

"when I turn up I’ll ask if it’s okay to come in & ask where her dog is as I’m carrying my baby. She’ll say she’s in the house but it’s okay, she just wants to see the baby. I have explained it makes me so anxious thinking what could happen. I have just said I understand it’s your dog & your home but I’m sorry I can’t come in with my baby"
And you've done this three times now. So she knows you won't come in if the dog is roaming loose, yet persists in expecting you to change that. I find that deeply odd.

StrictlyComeMarie · 12/09/2019 17:19

Yea how would you feel if someone told you to remove your kid because of their dog?
Children come before dogs I’m afraid

DriftingLeaves · 12/09/2019 17:57

Yea how would you feel if someone told you to remove your kid because of their dog?

I don't know anyone that stupid.