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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask friend to remove her dog from the room when I visit with my child?

388 replies

BadBehaviour · 11/09/2019 21:56

I’ve recently had a baby and I have been taking my baby to see friends, one friend has quite a large breed of dog. I have asked her before I visit to remove the dog from the room temporarily whilst we are there. She’s agreed but when I turn up she hasn’t done it, nor is she willing to.

I understand it’s her home if she wants her dog in every room that’s her right. I just end up leaving as I will not take my baby inside. She refuses to meet up elsewhere.

So AIBU to ask her to remove her dog from the room we are in temporarily?

Thanks guys Smile

OP posts:
Sunflowers211 · 12/09/2019 00:11

Of course YABU, it's her house!

Funghi · 12/09/2019 00:11

I’d tell you to piss off. It’s his home.

StoppinBy · 12/09/2019 00:11

YANBU to ask, she is NBU to not want to do it.

She is being very unfair to lie about her intent to do it though.

I would just not go and politely tell her why. She can choose to meet you elsewhere or mover her dog if she wants you to visit.

Most dogs that attack children 'have never done anything like that before'. Both kids and dogs are unpredictable.

Grandmi · 12/09/2019 00:16

I am a massive dog lover and sadly my little beautiful Jack Russell had to go to sleep last week but I do believe that dogs should be supervised whenever a child or toddler is close by I would never of left my gorgeous dog on her own with a baby..it’s just not worth the risk ! My grand daughter is due in December and my other dog will not be left with her for a second!!

Durgasarrow · 12/09/2019 00:17

For fuck's sake it's your baby. Of course you are going to be protective. As you should be. The damned dog does not need to be in the room when you are visiting. It is an animal. Your baby is a fragile human. This isn't about whether the friend's dog is an honorable beast or not. It's not about hurting the dog's feelings. That is not important. The friend made a promise and the friend is not keeping the promise. And the mother asked the friend to make that promise because dogs, even nice dogs, have the capacity to bite and kill small creatures such as babies.

Fuma · 12/09/2019 00:20

Yanbu at all. I'm guessing she doesn't have many visitors if she fails to consider their comfort in such a blatant way. If you host a guest in your home the entire point of doing so is so that they have a pleasant experience. Not so that you can carry on doing whatever the fuck you want regardless of them, and it's irrelevant whether you doing whatever the fuck you want involves picking your nose, watching porn or having your massive smelly dog pawing at babies - you just don't do things that make your guests feel unwelcome or uncomfortable.

DexyMidnight · 12/09/2019 00:21

You're unreasonable to ask her to remove her dog but not unreasonable to not visit. This really isn't complicated - don't go or go but leave your baby with its father

FeeFee832 · 12/09/2019 00:22

Yanbu

FeeFee832 · 12/09/2019 00:24

We have a cockapoo - friendly, lovely little thing but I would definitely shut in the kitchen or pop in the garden if my friend was uncomfortable!!!

Lentilbug · 12/09/2019 00:25

YANBU.

I have a small baby and a dog who has issues. Dog is not living with us. I would never leave a child alone with a dog and have asked or will be asking family members with dogs to not bring them around baby.

Stats show that kids age 0-4 are most vulnerable and family dogs are responsible for the majority of attacks. Yes even and especially the "wouldn't hurt a fly" dogs. They are animals and you never know how they will react. Its been suggested that babies and young children are regarded by dogs as prey. They're small, have jerky movements and make high pitched noises, all this could potentially be titillating to a dog.

So use your common sense and ignore the other ridiculous posters going on about how unreasonable you are being. Your friend could have just said no and saved you the trip over.

FeeFee832 · 12/09/2019 00:28

@FleurNancy what is wrong with you? You clearly have NEVER had a baby!

spatchcock · 12/09/2019 00:28

I think a lot of these replies are in line with a prevailing theme on mumsnet that guests are a nuisance to be endured (see the many threads about not answering the door, or being angry because someone is coming to stay).

In my view, if you invite someone round you do your best to make them comfortable. Putting a dog into another room is a small thing you can do to make someone feel at ease. It's really not a big deal and I would do it in a heartbeat.

I can't believe the replies about it "being the dog's home". I also have a dog and while it is his home, he has rules to follow - for example, he isn't allowed on the bed, and isn't allowed to beg while we're eating. Despite these injustices in "his home", he is a happy pooch.

The fact your friend said she would keep him away, and then didn't, shows she doesn't think much of you as a friend.

Stompythedinosaur · 12/09/2019 00:36

I suppose you can ask, but I wouldn't be willing to distress my dog without reason by shutting her up when she is not used to this.

It's her house and a dog lives there. Your choice not to visit if you don't like the dog.

StoppinBy · 12/09/2019 00:37

Also my own mother is like this except she has about 12 dogs, all badly behaved and unresponsive to doing as they are asked/told. She says she will keep them outside then says 'they will be fine' when we used to visit.

We don't go anymore and have to listen to her whinge about........... how we don't visit anymore. It is not in any way ridiculous to keep your children safe from situations you think are dangerous.

WipeYourFeetOnTheRhythmRug · 12/09/2019 00:48

"I suppose you can ask, but I wouldn't be willing to distress my dog without reason by shutting her up when she is not used to this."

Well then you'd just tell your friend no when she asked, and she wouldn't come. It's quite simple. In the OP's scenario, she asked and the friend said she'd keep the dog separate, and then didn't.

Stompythedinosaur · 12/09/2019 00:51

WipeYourFeet that's fair enough, you are right. The friend should be saying openly if she isn't willing to shut the dog away.

Fuma · 12/09/2019 01:00

Do dogs get distressed at being in one room as opposed to another room then? I mean, I guess they do if you say they do but it must make having a dog quite tricky.

Stompythedinosaur · 12/09/2019 01:12

Fuma you are aware dogs are animals and not objects? Many dogs wish to be with members of their family, yes, and dislike being shut away. I don't think the primary purpose of having a pet is convenience.

Fuma · 12/09/2019 01:23

Obviously not lol!

Anyway, I do know what you mean. Me and my family are the same - all in one room, all the time. We live, eat, sleep, shit and work there. Every now and again someone knocks on the door but we'd get distressed if we went into the hallway because that's a different room so we don't answer it. Saves the stress of dealing with guests anyway, I can tell you.

Lou670 · 12/09/2019 01:30

I have two dogs. One I have had since 8 weeks and the other is a rescue dog. I can't remove the rescue or close him in another room as he has problems with closed doors due to his history before I got him. I cannot close any of my internal doors.

Personally everyone is welcome in my home but they have to accept that this is also my dogs home too. If I shut them away then they would see it as punishment and wonder what they had done wrong. If I had a tiny baby or infant visit then I would be keeping a close eye on my dogs (although they would never do anything).

The best thing is to meet outside of the home. If I am not comfortable meeting at someone's home (for whatever reason) then I simply won't go and would suggest an alternative.

I do understand that not all people are dog lovers and with a tiny baby are wary around them. I have always been around dogs since birth. My children have grown up around dogs all their lives. Hope you find a suitable arrangement that suits you both.

Lou670 · 12/09/2019 01:34

Sorry for your loss@ Grandmi. One of my dogs is a Jack Russell. They are characters!

Zippetydoodahzippetyay · 12/09/2019 01:34

YANBU
I always put the dog out when I have visitors. Just because I love her doesn't mean all my friends will/do. I guess your friend has a right to refuse, but you then also have a right to say you won't be visiting in that case.

TelAvivLastNight · 12/09/2019 01:46

I would not want to put my dogs in another room - as one of my dogs would get quite distressed at this, would not settle and the whole visit would be very stressful. I would however offer to come to you or meet somewhere of your convenience. To be honest, I don't have kids but would never expect the parents to come to me - I would go to them as would seem easier all round.

Lou670 · 12/09/2019 01:49

Totally agree as I have stated it is not as easy as 'just put the dog out' as some dogs get distressed.

Alicewond · 12/09/2019 01:52

Lots of options here, invite her to visit you, don’t visit her at home, meet somewhere neutral. You chose to go to her house which is inhabited by a dog, hence also the dogs house. Make a different choice next time