AIBU to ask friend to remove her dog from the room when I visit with my child?

[BadBehaviour]

I’ve recently had a baby and I have been taking my baby to see friends, one friend has quite a large breed of dog. I have asked her before I visit to remove the dog from the room temporarily whilst we are there. She’s agreed but when I turn up she hasn’t done it, nor is she willing to.

I understand it’s her home if she wants her dog in every room that’s her right. I just end up leaving as I will not take my baby inside. She refuses to meet up elsewhere.

So AIBU to ask her to remove her dog from the room we are in temporarily?

Thanks guys

[tabulahrasa]

Hang on... so 3 times you’ve been to her house, she’s answered the door and said, I’m not moving the dog, so you’ve gone, well I’m going home then, bye.

But never had a longer conversation about it? Or established why she’s agreeing when you’re not there but changing her mind when you arrive?

That’s um, odd tbh...

[TrendyNorthLondonTeen]

"No. But my child couldn’t rip a small child’s head off with her teeth"

Is it a dog or a Great White Shark?

Just don't go to her house anymore OP, and if she asks why then tell her. She is not obligated to remove her dog from any room in its own home because you've decided that its a threat anymore than you are to be around said dog in the first place.

[LikeABucket]

Did somebody say it was?

[BadBehaviour]

GabsAlot when I turn up I’ll ask if it’s okay to come in & ask where her dog is as I’m carrying my baby. She’ll say she’s in the house but it’s okay, she just wants to see the baby. I have explained it makes me so anxious thinking what could happen. I have just said I understand it’s your dog & your home but I’m sorry I can’t come in with my baby

[SherbetSaucer]

YABU it’s the dogs home!

[Wolfiefan]

So lazy they won’t leave the house? Uncommon.
TBH you don’t sound like you like this person at all. So leave them to spend time with their dog and get on with other things.

[LikeABucket]

Are you sure she wants you to visit?

[BadBehaviour]

Okay just to clarify I don’t remember saying she never leaves the house. She just prefers to stay at home in her free time

[Wolfiefan]

She doesn’t like to leave the house.
She doesn’t walk the dog.
She won’t meet you elsewhere.

Pretty much implies she won’t leave the house.

[BadBehaviour]

She does leave the house. She works & functions normally. She’s just s home bird

[stayathomer]

Can I ask honestly why people stand up for staffys so much? I'm honestly curious because I always thought they were a breed need for fighting, and very tough? I'm so sorry if I'm wrong it's just I've only ever seen them out w i th tough looking guys and I thought they were guard type dogs but on mn people act like they're softies?

[Raspberrytruffle]

You cant force her to remove the dog, stop meeting up with her and when she complains say you dont want the dog in the room with you, you offer to meet up elsewhere but she refuses so tough tits it's her fault

[CheeryB]

YANBU. My aunt used to promise to put her German Shepherd away so that we'd visit. When I got there she would let it out so I'd 'get used to it' Well she did it twice and I never went again. It was excitable and barky. It scared the crap out of me.

[LolaSmiles]

stayathomer
I'm not a lover of Stafford so may not do them justice, but they're a big dog who have a bad reputation.
All dogs can be trained and will pick up qualities from their owners and their training. In some areas, sadly, staffies are a breed that seems to be associated with status for local thugs who then train them to be aggressive because they are usually insecure little scrotes who have a complex about their masculinity
As a result lots get sent to pens and put down because they end up attacking. The sad thing is that dogs don't attack unless provoked or scared. Poor socialisation and training to be a certain way creates a dog that has traits that are more risky. The issue there is a dog of that size with a particular temperament can do some serious damage.

Everyone I know who has had staffies has said how soft they are.

[riotlady]

I think you’re both being unreasonable tbh, I think your request is v precious but if I was your friend I would just roll my eyes and put the dog away anyway, it’s not worth alienating a friend over

[Wolfiefan]

Sounds like she doesn’t really want you there.

[riotlady]

@stayathomer they were bred for ratting (like most terriers) and dog fighting centuries ago, but have been family pets for ages. They’re still popular with thugs because of their image which gives them a bad rep, but most of them are lovely really.

I met a lady from Battersea cats and dogs once who said they get loads of staffys in from gangs called things like Adolf and Killer that are dead soppy (they rename them, obviously!)

[tabulahrasa]

“Can I ask honestly why people stand up for staffys so much?”

Because they have a completely undeserved reputation, they’re no “safer” or more dangerous than any other similar sized breed and because of the reputation are attractive to people who just really shouldn’t have dogs, end up in rescues and then languish there for years often because people don’t want one because of that same reputation.


“I thought they were guard type dogs”

Nope, they’re rubbish guard dogs tbh, they’re originally bred to fight other animals and like people, so unless bulls often break in?...

[Alexel]

Just stop going there if she doesn't put poochie in another room.
Personally I never crated my dog when my LO was baby or toddler or friends kids that age, purely because normal none aggressive dogs aren't interested in the wiggling worms in our arms.
I'd be more worried when kids at grabbing ear, tail, shoving arm down throat stage of life, so idk, 18 months? Luckily my dog and family dogs are literally pushovers, as in my child rides the St B and chokes the husky with love in a head lock. But it's important owners are confident about their dogs and YOU are too. We raised ours since 8 weeks and I can guarantee I know when my dogs had enough. I trust my dog, but I don't leave them together alone for example, just incase the dog needs saving from child.
Yet if my friends come over, especially if there's more than one walking child, I tend to crate the dogs for my sanity lol.
I would crate the dogs for my friends too. I didn't crate my old terrier dog, she was aggressive but had no teeth, just kinda warned my friends and pointed at a breathing blanket. Our kids were in arms stage, if terrier had survived to toddler stage of our kids I'd probably have stopped having people over for terriers safety and sanity lol.
I think it all depends on dog owner, if you feel she has control and how YOU feel is most important. I think YABU but hell, who here hasn't thought or done something unreasonable because they love their babies so much

[envelopeofpubes]

Sounds to me like she doesn’t really want to be your friend anymore if you’ve gone there three times with the same result. I’d choose my dog over half the people I know, TBH. Take the hint, maybe?

[envelopeofpubes]

Also, what planet is a staff a large breed?

[FleurNancy]

I was on the fence until you posted this: I’m a first time new mum we can all relate to it...how protective we feel of our babies when they are so tiny. Regardless of the dogs size or character I don’t feel I can take that chance or trust an animal around a tiny baby

Now I just think you're being ridiculous. This is not a normal level of worry, do you have anxiety issues normally? Stop using the "oh you know what's its like as a first time new mum" excuse too, it's bollocks. You've got more chance of being involved in a car accident with your baby than you have of a dog leaping up and biting your baby's head off but I bet you still take the baby in a car. You are looking for problems where there are none.

FWIW, I do think your friend is being ridiculous too, as a dog owner I would shut our dogs away even if I thought my "friend" was being ridiculously overprotective. You are clearly incompatible. Perhaps some fellow "new mummy" friends who share your level of paranoia might be in order?

[BadBehaviour]

It’s a staff cross

FleurNancy I think your being rather rude. Are you trying to tell me it’s not normal for someone to worry about a dog attaching your child?

[BadBehaviour]

Attacking**

[WipeYourFeetOnTheRhythmRug]

I'm quite surprised reading these responses! I have a big dog, he's the soppiest git ever and wouldn't hurt a fly. But anyone coming round with a small baby wouldn't need to ask - he'd be outside or in another room for the visit.

I think it's pretty normal to be protective of a new baby? I don't think you're being OTT, OP. Especially if your friend said she'd do it and then didn't.