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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Brother’s wedding reception

406 replies

VitaSackville · 11/09/2019 15:25

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3671262-Brother-s-Wedding

I don’t know if my first attempt at a link has worked.

Last time I posted some people complained that my post was incomprehensible. I hope that I do better this time.

Essentially my brother eloped a year after my father refused to go to his wedding because he didn’t extend an invitation to my husband.
Last time people accused my father of bullying and trying to buy spaces at a small wedding because I was upset at my husband and children not making the cut. I refute both of these interpretations.

My brother had wanted a civil wedding followed by a meal at a restaurant owned by a celebrity chef. Well an invitation has arrived now at this restaurant but again for my parents, my two cousins and me. No invitation for my DH. It is an invitation from my SiL’s mother and step-father.

I don’t want a repeat of last year but I am hurt. We have asked my dad not to get involved but my mum has asked if they could pay for 3 extra places but my brother said there was no room around the table.
She asked him if he would be upset if his new wife was excluded from cousin’s forthcoming wedding. He conceded that he would because cousin is inviting partners but He isn’t.

He went on to ask her if she was suggesting that he didn’t invite some of his friends in order to invite my DH. Mum felt that a celebration could include more than one table!
My eldest cousin has said he is going without his wife so there is no drama between them. My cousin who is getting married hasn’t replied. I just don’t know what to do. I am really upset and embarrassed that my DH and my children have been excluded like this.
I thought we had recovered from the engagement/wedding drama but now this.
Brother has said that he will be hurt and embarrassed if my parents don’t go.

OP posts:
Jocasta2018 · 20/09/2019 06:10

Oh FFS! Go alone and be a sister in the same way your cousin is going alone and being a cousin! You're not glued at the f-ing hip to your husband!!
You have absolutely no idea how your DB's life has been like & when his friends have stepped up rather than his family.
A giflfriend of mine had serious problems in her life that she didn't want to tell her family so her friends stepped up in her out of need. We got invites to the wedding because we were close to her at the expense of some of her family as we were family to her.
Stop making it about you. If you can't bear the 'perceived' snub about your DH then don't go.
Oh and don't be petty in the future and not invite your new SiL to family events - she'll just be feeling she's had a lucky escape!

anyidea123 · 20/09/2019 08:03

I agree with you OP and have experienced similar and am also planning on doing what @CandyflossKing has suggested.

Why can't they book a big table / space for more tables?

To exclude your family is rude and unfair when other (friends) partners are being invited

sashh · 20/09/2019 09:06

I feel sorry for your SIL.

She didn't want to elope but her fiance's family meant that was her only option.

What a way to welcome someone into your family?

I'm sure there are people in her family who, like you, are invited but their partners are not.

What was your wedding like OP? Did anyone force you to completely change your plans? Did you get the dress you wanted? The venue you wanted? The people YOU wanted?

I'm glad you have decided to go, this is one meal, the one celebration your DB and SIL have to remember for ever.

Aderyn19 · 20/09/2019 09:17

I don't feel sorry for sil - she and db were spectacularly rude all the way along. Unless there is some reason for disliking OP's DH, you just don't get married and not invite your only sister's husband. And you don't uninvite them to a lunch at someone else's house.
I'm also of the belief that if you take money intended to help towards the wedding, it is rude to spend it on other things and then show no consideration whatsoever to the feelings of the person who gave you all that money. Now I'm not saying that financial contribution gives OP's dad the right to take over or add lots of guests, but wanting his daughter's husband to be invited is not a big ask, especially since that is the usual thing to do.

HappyGoLuckyLuLu · 20/09/2019 09:37

When is the meal OP? Hope it went/goes well!!!

Clangus00 · 20/09/2019 10:19

Hope it goes ok

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