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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Niece did a 'reactions' haul video for 18th birthday presents...

403 replies

Bellasblankexpression · 11/09/2019 09:32

I don't know if I am out of touch with the youth of today [I'm only in my 30s but I feel seriously old right now despite working in social media] but I'm feeling pretty offended by this.
My niece turned 18th recently so we all spent a little extra and got her something from a list she provided.
We got her a necklace she'd asked for, for example, but other people couldn't afford to splash out and got vouchers or something smaller.
She's recently become very active on Youtube and Instagram, which is fine and pretty usual, but she saved all her presents from her birthday bbq as she said she wanted to open them later - again, fine.
However the real reason she wanted to open them later is because she wanted to open them during a video and show her live reactions to them, rating them with a thumbs up or thumbs down and saying things like 'Thanks but not thanks Auntie XXX'

I wasn't aware of the video until she shared it on her Facebook page - she's friends with lots of family members on there so people will have seen it. My mum isn't on Facebook but heard about it [her present got a thumbs down] and is mortified and really hurt.

I want to say something to her mum about it but DH thinks I should let it go and not get involved.

What would you do?

OP posts:
BrightYellowDaffodil · 11/09/2019 10:20

Aside from the issue that haul videos are as naff as fuck, she’s a rude and entitled brat.

Yes, she may well be young (and we all do stupid things at that age) and yet to learn, but I suspect this is going to be one hell of a learning curve for her.

AryaStarkWolf · 11/09/2019 10:20

Best of luck to her for her 21st when she open her boxes of dust

IceCreamBrain · 11/09/2019 10:21

Definitely tell her Mum (I'm assuming her Mum is your sister). I'd keep it calm and let her handle it (unless she doesn't in which case I'd say something direct to the niece). Along the lines of, have you seen this: link ? Mum's pretty upset by it and I thought you'd want to know.

Mrsjayy · 11/09/2019 10:22

There is a tonne of these videos you would need to know the girl and her channel to post any links nobody is going to do that.

user1480880826 · 11/09/2019 10:22

Calling this young girl a whore is far worse than what she did on YouTube. Why are women so nasty to each other? Why use outdated language like that? Do people ever stop to think about what the word whore actually means?

What she did was extremely unkind and thoughtless. I suspect her mum has been shown the video by now and I also suspect someone has pulled her up on it.

BadLad · 11/09/2019 10:22

What a horrible little shit.

pikapikachu · 11/09/2019 10:23

She's 18 so talk to her and not her mum.

I'd be telling her that she's an entitled and nasty bitch and not to expect gifts from me in future. I have teens so well aware of hail videos etc and would be deeply ashamed if they posted anything like the rating video publicly. I'd be advising my mum not to bother with sending her gifts too. She's 18, of course she knows that public humiliation is not ok.

Glitterpearl · 11/09/2019 10:23

Stop infantilising this 18 year old adult.

It is only on MN that individuals are expected, in the second the clock strikes midnight on their 18th birthday, to have matured into an adult. IRL I have never come across such high expectations.

It is quite widely accepted that adolescence actually extends into the twenties. So yes, legally, once you are 18 you are afforded the title of adult, but neurologically, adulthood is still some years away.

The behaviour is disappointing, thoughtless and ungrateful. But lets be serious here, it is not "vile or disgusting" and it doesn't make her a "bitch". If we use those words for this, what will we say about people who have done much worse?

Weezol · 11/09/2019 10:24

To be honest if it was me - I would make a public comment on Facebook or YouTube. If she is going to be publically horrible about her family then maybe she needs to see the consequences.

Me too. I wouldn't bother with a card or present again unless there was a serious apology made. A letter to your mum apologising is needed.

How awful for you and your family. What do her parents make of this behaviour?

historysock · 11/09/2019 10:24

I would also publicly comment on it and say how disappointing it is and how upset her elderly relatives are.
What a way to mark becoming a legal Adult-by behaving like the worst kind of spoilt, ill- mannered child.

Happyspud · 11/09/2019 10:24

I think you need to raise this with at least her parents if not directly with her. If she doesn’t learn now how bad her behaviour is, she will never learn. I’d be devastated if this was my daughter (I’m sure all my kids will do something at some point that I’m a bit devastated about). She’s a teen. Still time to make mistakes and learn from them.

loobyloo1234 · 11/09/2019 10:25

She sounds vile. And totally immature for an 18 year old. But why on earth wouldn't you speak to her directly? She's not a child

aliolilover · 11/09/2019 10:25

That is absolutely awful. If over 18 I would message her directly, if under I would definitely tell her parents.

AfterSchoolWorry · 11/09/2019 10:26

Leave a comment!

Chickychoccyegg · 11/09/2019 10:26

is she your siblings child, or a niece from dh's side? If it was my siblings dc i would definitely say something to them and and to dn, about how inappropriate/rude that was, if it's dh's siblings dc, i would comment on the video about how rude and inappropriate the video was , but probably wouldnt speak to anyone about it if dh didnt want to.

CaMePlaitPas · 11/09/2019 10:26

Disgraceful, I'd speak to her Mum and say something to her too. Unacceptable.

BlooperReel · 11/09/2019 10:27

I would also be furious, what a rude, ungrateful, self absorbed brat she has shown herself to be. I'd be showing her parents the video, and telling her exactly how crass and vulgar her behaviour is, both in person and in her 'comments' section

AugieMarch · 11/09/2019 10:27

I would be so tempted to comment publicly on the Facebook post, saying how much she has hurt the people who care about her, but the better thing to do is contact her directly. She is, after all, an adult even if she isn't behaving like one.

Honeyroar · 11/09/2019 10:27

Most people would expect a child of 12 to know that it's an incredibly rude and hurtful thing to do, nevermind someone who has just turned 18.

However while I agree she needs a bloody great telling off, I'd not wish the wrath of the Daily Mail on her.

ginghamtablecloths · 11/09/2019 10:27

If nothing else, it's bad manners. I'd never want to buy her another present ever again which would be punishment enough for being so rude.

The correct response to getting a present is a smile and a thank you.

GrumpiestCat · 11/09/2019 10:28

She won't have as many presents to open on her 19th birthday! What a mean thing to do. You could just about understand it if she was a giddy 13 year old (although that would also require a bollocking) but at 18 she really needs to grow up!

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 11/09/2019 10:30

What Irma said. If this was my daughter I'd want to know and I wouldn't expect her to receive gifts from people again. I'm struggling to think how her motivations for doing this could have done from a considered, kind and mature place.

What an awful young woman.

Actually and I think a pp picked up on this, this does make me wonder if young people really understand the digital footprint they leave? I mean you hear about celebs/influencers/z list idiots being called out for a vile comment or conversation they had on social media however it's just minimised as "oh they were young, they don't know the consequences of their actions, haven't you ever said anything public you regret?". But that's just it. If at 18 I was going to say something racist/sexist/inappropriate or just plain horrible I certainly wouldn't be so stupid to do it so publicly, I mean the equivalent for an old glimmer like me would have been to stand up on a chair in a crowded pub and broadcast my crappy views.

Spoilt, entitled and stupid Confused

Wehttam · 11/09/2019 10:30

Without seeing the video it’s difficult to tell whether or not she was being horrible or just a general thumbs up or down reaction. This kind of content is appreciated by the YouTube generation, many teenagers aspire to be an influencer because of the fake world good content producers create. I wouldn’t take offence to it if it wasn’t done with malice BUT I would probably have a word with her yourself and say you don’t appreciate having your gifts reviewed on social media like that.

A whole generation of sheep kids watching these videos think this behaviour is normal, and in their world it is. They need the validation, so many can not think for themselves and have no opinions of their own. It’s very sad.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 11/09/2019 10:30

* come from

Pinkyyy · 11/09/2019 10:31

Absolutely appalling behaviour and if I were you I'd tell her so.

Why is this type of thing becoming the norm for 'influencers'? I hate the fact that teens now think that being popular on social media is a career aspiration.