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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Niece did a 'reactions' haul video for 18th birthday presents...

403 replies

Bellasblankexpression · 11/09/2019 09:32

I don't know if I am out of touch with the youth of today [I'm only in my 30s but I feel seriously old right now despite working in social media] but I'm feeling pretty offended by this.
My niece turned 18th recently so we all spent a little extra and got her something from a list she provided.
We got her a necklace she'd asked for, for example, but other people couldn't afford to splash out and got vouchers or something smaller.
She's recently become very active on Youtube and Instagram, which is fine and pretty usual, but she saved all her presents from her birthday bbq as she said she wanted to open them later - again, fine.
However the real reason she wanted to open them later is because she wanted to open them during a video and show her live reactions to them, rating them with a thumbs up or thumbs down and saying things like 'Thanks but not thanks Auntie XXX'

I wasn't aware of the video until she shared it on her Facebook page - she's friends with lots of family members on there so people will have seen it. My mum isn't on Facebook but heard about it [her present got a thumbs down] and is mortified and really hurt.

I want to say something to her mum about it but DH thinks I should let it go and not get involved.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Pinkyyy · 12/09/2019 11:09

If she was acting then I doubt she will make it as an influencer anyway.

Lweji · 12/09/2019 11:10

@joblotbubble

In your rant I think you missed that she should be talked to directly, not through her mummy.
Not that her behaviour should be excused. On the contrary.

Tellmetruth4 · 12/09/2019 11:15

I would be horrified if my child did something like this. What a spoilt brat. Good job she has another milestone birthday coming up soon so everyone will remember how she behaved for her 18th.

joblotbubble · 12/09/2019 11:15

I was saying that it is ok to talk to her mum. I didn't miss anything. Being an 'adult' doesn't mean that people can't point out when you are going wrong. So yes, she should have been spoken to directly, but still it is ok to talk to her mum.

If any adult I know was doing something like that I would totally have a word with their mum/dad/sibling/partner.

GabsAlot · 12/09/2019 11:15

Thats sadder isnt it that she wanted to put on an act of upsetting people

very immature

Lweji · 12/09/2019 11:19

If any adult I know was doing something like that I would totally have a word with their mum/dad/sibling/partner.

Why?
Wouldn't you speak to the adult themselves first? Odd.
What do you expect talking to mum and dad accomplishes?

museumsandgalleries666 · 12/09/2019 11:20

Ask for your present back saying you understand she didn't like it so you'll return it for something else. Return for a refund and forget to buy a replacement. If niece mentions it say you're still looking for something she'll like better than the first choice.

IScreamForIceCreams · 12/09/2019 11:22

at age 18, she should know better! She's not 5 anymore when they can have a strop about not liking their present.

billybagpuss · 12/09/2019 11:29

@Bellasblankexpression I’m pleased the video is gone, and sending you all cyber hugs, it was a silly attempt at fame and just taking it down doesn’t excuse the hurt you are all feeling. I do hope she was feeling duly apologetic.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 12/09/2019 11:42

@Lweji is spot on. Of course it would be daft to expect someone to magically learn 'adult' behaviour overnight when they turn 18 - that's why we teach them these things as they grow up, and expect more of them as they mature.

@Bellasblankexpression - I am glad the video has been removed too, and I hope that your niece is taking a long, hard look at her behaviour and will be apologising properly to all those people whose presents she gave a thumbs down to. I also hope she will learn that it is not worth hurting people who love you for internet 'fame'.

Original poster
Bellasblankexpression · 12/09/2019 12:04

I think it's quite a sad look at how social media has really taken over. I know most people with an ounce of conscience and common sense wouldn't do this, but I think it's very easy to get sucked into the whole 'fake Instagram lifestyle' when so much seems to be measured by your online worth.
I'm very cynical about it all, as I work within the industry, and it saddens me to see so many people become completely absorbed in it (and I can be guilty of this too).
I'm not asking for the present back or anything like that, to be honest she seems to be quite mortified (not sure what she was expecting when she put the video out publically? She seemed to think we would all just know it was an act) and a lot of relatives are still unimpressed and offended so she's going to have to deal with that as a consequence.

I have to say I am surprised at her Mum, as she wasn't particularly shocked or horrified and seems quite keen to encourage her to try to make money through her videos. But that's another point entirely!

OP posts:
Bluesheep8 · 12/09/2019 12:04

That is SO nasty. Shameful in fact Sad

joblotbubble · 12/09/2019 12:07

Why?
Wouldn't you speak to the adult themselves first? Odd.

Oh bloody hell of course i would. In fact the paragraph before the one you quoted literally said just that.

IrmaFayLear · 12/09/2019 12:26

I read this weekend that 75% of Estee Lauder's marketing budget is spent on influencers, which they consider very worthwhile. So you can see why estimates are that 20% of teenagers have "influencer" as their career ambition. The fame, the free stuff...

Of course an oldie like me scratches her head and goes, "Whaaaaat?" but there you go. The internet has changed life almost beyond recognition.

One by-product of all social media, including "influencing" is unfortunately the pursuit of validation/popularity which has led people (of all ages!) to throw modesty and self-deprecation out of the window, two traits which we British were very good at. (Grammatical point - can you be "good" at a trait?!) . Not so much now, and this young person has exemplified what happens when virtual Likes justify real Dislikes.

BloodyDisgrace · 12/09/2019 12:32

What a cunt. I'd post something (sans swearing) but to that effect as a comment below her video and a line "better treasure these from us, they are your last".
If someone gave me a list for their 18th birthday, I'd ignore it completely though and bought nothing. But that's me though, you all are much nicer people :)

Atalune · 12/09/2019 12:35

Well done for dealing with it so well.

Aprillygirl · 12/09/2019 12:37

That'd be the last present she ever got from me. Rude ungrateful brat.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/09/2019 12:54

I know most people with an ounce of conscience and common sense wouldn't do this, but I think it's very easy to get sucked into the whole 'fake Instagram lifestyle' when so much seems to be measured by your online worth

You nailed it yourself in the first few words about conscience and common sense, but IME those things often come through being properly raised and guided ... so for me, the mum's laissez faire atiitude is actually no surprise at all

Sagradafamiliar · 12/09/2019 13:45

Acting to be an influencer makes no sense. Influencers are only successful by being likeable and relatable and yet aspirational at the same. They have to appear genuine. Any sniff of acting for likes or being fake and people won't buy it and the account will die a death.
More likely she was put on the spot having been caught out being childish and pathetic and has decided to lie her way out of it. She sounds a delight.

RosesAndRaindrops · 12/09/2019 13:54

If any adult I know was doing something like that I would totally have a word with their mum/dad/sibling/partner

Confused Grin
I've got a youtube account don't really upload to it much though and social media channels (eg do IG stories)
I'm 40 cough years old and I find it quite amusing that someone moght run and tell my mummy if they didn;t like my story, or grass me up to my DH Grin

joblotbubble · 12/09/2019 13:57

@RosesAndRaindrops

That's not what I meant and if you read all my posts maybe it will add context.

I think if an adult is acting like a dick it is perfectly acceptable to mention it to a family member as well as them.

RosesAndRaindrops · 12/09/2019 14:03

I spoke to her and her mum. Video has been taken down. Seems like it was just acting, she wants to be an influencer and make money out of it and was trying to get as many views as possible

Hmm What a lame excuse cop out, surely she must have known it'd hurt?
Glad she took it down though.

AE18 · 12/09/2019 14:18

It is only on MN that individuals are expected, in the second the clock strikes midnight on their 18th birthday, to have matured into an adult. IRL I have never come across such high expectations.

Funny, I have the opposite experience. It seems to me that only on MN do people think that basic manners and consideration are exclusively an adult trait and it's totally fine for children and young adults to behave as rudely as they like unchecked because they are not fully mature.

I wouldn't expect anyone beyond 5 to be this rude about a gift, and even then they would be told it wasn't on.

Original poster
Bellasblankexpression · 12/09/2019 14:23

@Sagradafamiliar have to disagree. Most influencers I’ve come across are as fake as fake can be and completely unrelatable. Grin

Well there’s not much more I can do, I won’t be pushing to do any further but I’ve said my piece.

OP posts:
JudgyPantsAndAMartyrBra · 12/09/2019 14:52

@Bellasblankexpression I think her wish to be an social media influencer makes her vulnerable to mlms who now look for teenage girls to recruit via Instagram and shit. They get told they can make a lot of money on social media so it's something to maybe warn her about.

You're right about most of them being fake and unrelatable too. Some of the biggest influencer with the biggest followings are arseholes so I can see why a teenage girls whose grown up watching these people wants to be like them.

I think there's a discussion to be had about the large amount of parents who don't know what content their children are watching online and underestimate to power and influence YouTube has over children.

There's child influencers with very large followings that will be influencing many of today's young children and while a child watching another child play with toys on YouTube might not seem damaging, young children can't always tell they are seeing an advert or understand what the child mean when she says she is being sponsored to show a certain toy.

I think the laws are changing RE child influencer for this reason soon as I recall a few parents of the children complaining about the changes.