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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Niece did a 'reactions' haul video for 18th birthday presents...

403 replies

Bellasblankexpression · 11/09/2019 09:32

I don't know if I am out of touch with the youth of today [I'm only in my 30s but I feel seriously old right now despite working in social media] but I'm feeling pretty offended by this.
My niece turned 18th recently so we all spent a little extra and got her something from a list she provided.
We got her a necklace she'd asked for, for example, but other people couldn't afford to splash out and got vouchers or something smaller.
She's recently become very active on Youtube and Instagram, which is fine and pretty usual, but she saved all her presents from her birthday bbq as she said she wanted to open them later - again, fine.
However the real reason she wanted to open them later is because she wanted to open them during a video and show her live reactions to them, rating them with a thumbs up or thumbs down and saying things like 'Thanks but not thanks Auntie XXX'

I wasn't aware of the video until she shared it on her Facebook page - she's friends with lots of family members on there so people will have seen it. My mum isn't on Facebook but heard about it [her present got a thumbs down] and is mortified and really hurt.

I want to say something to her mum about it but DH thinks I should let it go and not get involved.

What would you do?

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 11/09/2019 10:32

This is a silly kid who has grown up saturated in the culture of sharing everything online. She was being thoughtless rather than deliberately unkind. But the best person to take this up with her is her mum, not a full-on family berating.

SerenDippitty · 11/09/2019 10:33

*Stop infantilising this 18 year old adult.

It is only on MN that individuals are expected, in the second the clock strikes midnight on their 18th birthday, to have matured into an adult. IRL I have never come across such high expectations.

It is quite widely accepted that adolescence actually extends into the twenties. So yes, legally, once you are 18 you are afforded the title of adult, but neurologically, adulthood is still some years away.*

That notwithstanding, at 18 she is old enough to know that she was doing an unkind and thoughtless thing. Those presents were from real people. As I said she would not have done it in front of them.

I suppose these youngsters see other youngsters making huge amounts of money and fame through social media stardom and they aspire to that. It’s sad really.

Blueoasis · 11/09/2019 10:34

Bullying an 18-yr-old through the medium of the Daily Mail - is what she deserves - really?
Just when I think MN can't surprise me, it sinks to new depths.

She is an adult.
She posted said video on Facebook, Instagram and other places. All public. All places the daily mail or anyone else could find it. It's probably on reddit already.
She made the video deliberately to get reactions. She wanted people to laugh at the people who gave her the presents.
She wanted to humiliate her own family.

And you think she is a poor little princess who doesn't deserve to be told how horrible she is? Right...

LazyLizzy · 11/09/2019 10:34

She is going to cringe when she looks back in a couple of years.

Very immature for an 18 year old. I could imagine a tween doing it.

womenspeakout · 11/09/2019 10:34

I always hate these videos, they always come across as incredibly spoilt and conceited. It seems your niece is no different.

I'd never get her a gift again, your mother is right to be upset, who does that kind of thing? She's a spoilt little brat.

ThomasRichard · 11/09/2019 10:35

She will cringe so very hard about this when she’s older.

Tell her that she has been rude and upset her family. Preferably, do it together with her parents. Tell her that her family loves her and they’re hurt but she can put this right. Help her to figure out how. She’s still young enough to need help there.

jeffreeshart · 11/09/2019 10:35

I hate the fact that teens now think that being popular on social media is a career aspiration

Me too, however the successful ones are earning obscene amounts of money.

MrsRufusdog789 · 11/09/2019 10:36

Well I was very shocked once to receive a request from a young relative approaching 18 that money was preferable to presents . I thought that was pretty rude but this young woman needs to apologize to those she's hurt . Glad she's not my daughter.

TinkerPony · 11/09/2019 10:37

Shock I'm aware of auction hauls and new clothing bought cheap reactions but birthday presents reactions that horrifically insensitive.
What happened to her manners and common sense?
Ask her to remove the video as it is so inappropriate to family and friends who gifted her or report it to be removed and let parents know too if they don't.
This could affect her future self too and backfire if people were to check her SM background, college, employment and relationships not just on online but in real life too.

breaconoptimist · 11/09/2019 10:40

Part of me worries that the problem with these social media video hauls is that you have to do something a bit different to get noticed - slating your family is something new. I wonder how much more degraded things can get sometimes!

I sincerely hope she’s naive and it wasn’t calculated to be edgy to get her ratings!

Glitterpearl · 11/09/2019 10:40

Why is this type of thing becoming the norm for 'influencers'? I hate the fact that teens now think that being popular on social media is a career aspiration.

Many people have made very successful careers out of social media.

The OP wondered if she was just "out of touch" and I do think to some degree a lot of posters on this thread are out of touch. My parents ridiculed things I was into as a teen, their parents did the same to them. Just because social media doesn't appeal to you, or you don't understand all of it, doesn't mean it is wrong. It is just different.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 11/09/2019 10:43

I was struggling that she provided a list of gifts she wanted first off...then the secondary behaviour that followed was just beyond words.I think she has displayed a total error of judgement and she needs to be put straight,It is not ok to humiliate family and friends who have gone out of their way to make her birthday special...it is so wrong on every level...If no one tells her she is wrong then they are doing her no favours as she moves on through life....I would be wondering too what kind of circles she is mixing in where this behaviour is deemed appropriate....

RosaWaiting · 11/09/2019 10:45

That’s really rude of her

I totally the YT and IG thing but you don’t use it to complain about gifts unless it’s entirely fictional or you’ve got permission from the person you’re slagging off.

virginpinkmartini · 11/09/2019 10:46

Wow, I thought you were just going to say you didn't like her opening presents in a YouTube video or something, but her ingratitude is disgusting. If I were you I would respond with a comment saying 'I know not to bother wasting money on you over again.' If she's got no problem humiliating people in a video, she should take a dose of her own medicine. Little madam.

Nonmerci · 11/09/2019 10:47

She will definitely be embarrassed by this when she is older. Your poor Mum...

I definitely think she should be confronted and imo the video should be removed.

Mrsjayy · 11/09/2019 10:48

I don't think people are out oftouch but I do think posters are confused as to why likes and followers are so important and it isn't just teenagers adults are chasing the" likes" to give them a boost .

Girasole02 · 11/09/2019 10:49

Mum to a 17 year old and secondary teacher. This is not normal teenage behaviour. As a parent, I'd definitely want to know and would be mortified. Personally I wouldn't post a comment, just pass it on to her parents and make a mental note not to buy any more gifts.

LagunaBubbles · 11/09/2019 10:51

Rude and horrible. And not saying anything is the reason people get away with awful behaviour.

Usernumbers1234 · 11/09/2019 10:52

@Blueoasis

She deserves to be told how horrible she is, just not through the national press. Just stop for a minute and think what that could potentially lead to. Serious depression, potentially much worse.

Yes she’s been extremely rude to the OP, but on a far less public manner than the daily sodding mail. In fact Op has probably reached an infinitely wider audience with the story on mumsnet than the girl did on social media. (And my moneys on this post getting back to her, because that’s how it works, the degrees of separation are far lower than you think).

She needs sitting down and talking to. She needs to apologise. She doesn’t need to be in the national press for this, nothings been harmed except feelings.

MegaMonsterMunch · 11/09/2019 10:52

What an entitled little cow. She's an adult now and I'd be throwing the book at her. How vile.

popehilarious · 11/09/2019 10:53

Comment :

Lol you're SO CANCELLED

BigSandyBalls2015 · 11/09/2019 10:55

I have two 18 year old DDs and therefore know a lot of teens this age through them and I can’t think of a single one who would behave like this!! It’s def not normal!

GlasshouseStoneThrower · 11/09/2019 10:56

That is so fucking rude.

Honestly, I would tell her mum. If she isn't taught how to be a decent adult, it's not doing her any favours.

Cobblersandhogwash · 11/09/2019 10:57

Really rude.

I wouldn't bother getting her anything again.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 11/09/2019 10:57

Incredibly rude! I'd be forwarding the video around the family and notifying the little brat that that would be the last present they would be receiving!

Certainly don't let her get away with it! The family should be made aware especially her mother