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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Niece did a 'reactions' haul video for 18th birthday presents...

403 replies

Bellasblankexpression · 11/09/2019 09:32

I don't know if I am out of touch with the youth of today [I'm only in my 30s but I feel seriously old right now despite working in social media] but I'm feeling pretty offended by this.
My niece turned 18th recently so we all spent a little extra and got her something from a list she provided.
We got her a necklace she'd asked for, for example, but other people couldn't afford to splash out and got vouchers or something smaller.
She's recently become very active on Youtube and Instagram, which is fine and pretty usual, but she saved all her presents from her birthday bbq as she said she wanted to open them later - again, fine.
However the real reason she wanted to open them later is because she wanted to open them during a video and show her live reactions to them, rating them with a thumbs up or thumbs down and saying things like 'Thanks but not thanks Auntie XXX'

I wasn't aware of the video until she shared it on her Facebook page - she's friends with lots of family members on there so people will have seen it. My mum isn't on Facebook but heard about it [her present got a thumbs down] and is mortified and really hurt.

I want to say something to her mum about it but DH thinks I should let it go and not get involved.

What would you do?

OP posts:
31RueCambon75001 · 11/09/2019 18:34

Another one shocked here. If she'd filmed herself finding something positive to say about every gift, or in the place of a positive comment about the gift, a positive comment about the gift giver, then I'd say 'ah kids, living on line!'' but what she did, thumbing down her grandma's gift on line, that is pretty shabby.

31RueCambon75001 · 11/09/2019 18:35

@wizzywig that'd be funny!

GreenTulips · 11/09/2019 18:38

It’s quite normal to do hauls

No it isn’t - it’s totally unacceptable!

RosesAndRaindrops · 11/09/2019 18:57

It is quite normal to do hauls, seems to be a thing at the moment, whether it's doing a Primark shopping haul, a Tesco food shop one, or kids doing present openings (gift unboxing) etc
It isn't normal to do reactions and thumbs down to gifts you've been given though, that is horrendously rude and she should be pulled up for it!
WTF happened to manners and common sense?! As it seems she's lacking both

pikapikachu · 11/09/2019 19:02

Hauls are very common. A quick search on Instagram yielded 12.6k hits for #birthdayhaul and 1.9M hits for # haul.

It's not normal to shame the giver. The videos tend to be gushy and appreciative.

SingingSands · 11/09/2019 19:07

If that was my daughter:

a) I would want to know: and
b) she would be apologising in person to everybody for such brattish behaviour.

What a horrible thing to do!

CodenameVillanelle · 11/09/2019 19:16

Just because a lot of young people do 'hauls' doesn't make it 'quite normal' it's grim

NotJust3SmallWords · 11/09/2019 19:16

I doubt she did it deliberately to hurt people, rather that she was very thoughtless and didn't consider the consequences of her actions (still not excusing her obviously).

If it were one of my family I think I'd be tempted to message your niece and say something like "I'm sure you didn't mean to hurt anyone, but that video comes across as very rude and upsetting to some people who gave you gifts. Your Nan has heard about it and she's really upset. I think you should delete the video and apologise to your Nan to try and make amends."

Unless she's truly just awful surely knowing that she's made her Nan sad is going to make her have a think about her behaviour.

mamaofboyss · 11/09/2019 19:19

Definitely speak to her mum that is awful and I would be sooooo angry! So Disrespectful

Original poster
Bellasblankexpression · 11/09/2019 19:20

I’ve been out all day and didn’t expect to get so many replies! Going to read through now

OP posts:
diddlesticks · 11/09/2019 19:21

Oh my goodness me. I looked these videos up on YouTube. What an awful trend.

bringincrazyback · 11/09/2019 19:24

It's a grim trend, and referring to gifts as a 'haul' is horribly grabby (it's bad enough when YouTubers post their 'hauls' of things they've spent too much money on and don't need, but referring to gifts as a haul? #nojustno). IMO someone needs to call your niece out on how tacky and unpleasant this is before she gets too used to the idea that it's OK and the norm.

Saddler · 11/09/2019 19:24

Ridiculous. She'd get nothing again

Pringlesfortea · 11/09/2019 19:26

I’ve 4 adult dc ,early 20s they have never done anything so entitled or thoughtless

Pringlesfortea · 11/09/2019 19:27

And if they ever did I’d absolutely want to know

Atalune · 11/09/2019 19:32

Well, have you spoken to the niece or the mum??

I think it’s been badly judged. But we all make mistakes.

chinam · 11/09/2019 19:33

The actions of this young woman are despicable but I find the idea that some supposedly adult women (and possibly men) on this thread are baying for the Utube link to be posted to try to humiliate an 18 year old they don't know and whose actions they are in no way impacted by truely depressing.

Original poster
Bellasblankexpression · 11/09/2019 19:42

Okay I haven’t been able to read all the posts but as hurt as we are, she’s not a cow or a whore - she’s made a mistake yes, but the name calling is a bit much.

Her mum isn’t on Facebook so I don’t know if she’s seen it although she is aware she makes videos. I think I’m going to take advice and speak to niece and her mum privately - I don’t want to get embroiled in a social media row which everyone can see, I work in social media so don’t really want that out there and also I think it will just give the video more views.

I’m not posting the link here because I have a very specific pregnancy history I’ve posted about and identifying her could potentially identify me too - plus I don’t see any need to name and shame and I don’t want her to get a load of abusive comments.

I agree that despite hauls being popular this is so far wide of the mark, and I think it’s completely thoughtless on her part. She’s very into social media and I think she’s just absorbed in it and the obsession of getting more views, but that doesn’t excuse this rudeness. I was really shocked to be honest when I saw it. It’s like seeing someone else entirely!

Oh and lists have been a thing with some
Members of our family for years - those who are hard to buy for mainly. I don’t really love it - I like getting surprises - but I’ve got used to it and at least I know that usually I’m spending money on something the recipient actually wants.

OP posts:
mintich · 11/09/2019 19:53

Do you think it could just be part of an online persona, so the comments made about the presents may not be what she thinks?
Although if it was this, she could have just opened them carefully and fake opened them later

diddlesticks · 11/09/2019 19:53

@Bellasblankexpression Fabulous reply- you sound very reasonable. Good luck with the chat.

Original poster
Bellasblankexpression · 11/09/2019 19:58

@mintich the thought had crossed my mind, especially as most items were on her list.

@diddlesticks thank you, I try! I’m a bit shocked by the name calling tbh. I’m going to try and call tonight and if not, I’ll get in touch with them tomorrow. I’m half expecting someone else to have already been in touch with them.

Honestly, my family are Having a mad moment lately, I had an issue with my cousin having a personality transplant a little while ago and now this!

OP posts:
feelingsicknow · 11/09/2019 19:59

That's really out of order. I think your plan for tackling it privately sounds right though. Hopefully, if she's a nice girl, she'll be thoroughly embarrassed.

Social media is a minefield and I'm glad I'm not navigating it as a teen these days!

L

Original poster
Bellasblankexpression · 11/09/2019 20:03

God me too @feelingsicknow I actually shudder at the thought.

OP posts:
LifeImplosionImminent · 11/09/2019 20:04

She needs to know the hurt and upset she caused - she also needs to know she can fuck right off if she thinks she's getting a 21st present from the people whose presents she publically downthumbed! But seriously, this is a perfect time to help her to wind her neck in grow as a young woman.

JudgyPantsAndAMartyrBra · 11/09/2019 20:08

Just because a lot of young people do 'hauls' doesn't make it 'quite normal' it's grim

Something being normal doesn't mean it can't be grim or not rude. Saying something is normal is not the same as saying it's a good thing.

A lot of men watch porn and would say it's normal. I think it's grim but that doesn't mean it's not the norm for many men.

Single use plastics are normal. Doesn't make them good.

Haul/reaction/unboxing vids are very common and have been for a while now. It's the rudeness and shitty comments about the aunt that's the not normal. YouTube is my main platform for entertainment and I've seen a fair few haul videos and they've all been respectful and thankful of their gifts. The part that makes this niece rude is her attitude and negative comments about her family.

One the main reasons i started using YouTube a lot is to keep tabs on the type of content my child's fave youtubers produce. It's surprising how many parents monitor social media use of their child but never check the content they're uploading and consuming there.