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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Niece did a 'reactions' haul video for 18th birthday presents...

403 replies

Bellasblankexpression · 11/09/2019 09:32

I don't know if I am out of touch with the youth of today [I'm only in my 30s but I feel seriously old right now despite working in social media] but I'm feeling pretty offended by this.
My niece turned 18th recently so we all spent a little extra and got her something from a list she provided.
We got her a necklace she'd asked for, for example, but other people couldn't afford to splash out and got vouchers or something smaller.
She's recently become very active on Youtube and Instagram, which is fine and pretty usual, but she saved all her presents from her birthday bbq as she said she wanted to open them later - again, fine.
However the real reason she wanted to open them later is because she wanted to open them during a video and show her live reactions to them, rating them with a thumbs up or thumbs down and saying things like 'Thanks but not thanks Auntie XXX'

I wasn't aware of the video until she shared it on her Facebook page - she's friends with lots of family members on there so people will have seen it. My mum isn't on Facebook but heard about it [her present got a thumbs down] and is mortified and really hurt.

I want to say something to her mum about it but DH thinks I should let it go and not get involved.

What would you do?

OP posts:
WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 11/09/2019 20:53

I think speaking to her privately is the right thing to do OP. I'd also ask her to take it down. If she isn't genuinely apologetic or realises how hurtful she's been, then I'd cross her off my Christmas list (and encourage your mum to do the same).

Rainbowknickers · 11/09/2019 21:09

I’ve read this thread with my mouth open

Years ago my dd was bonkers for tatty teddy

My narc mother bought her one that was fake (and it looked it) cos she could-pulling stunts like that gave her pleasure

My dd swallowed it back smiled thanked nan and brought it home where it sat for years on the shelf with the others (we only got rid of it when we had a cull cos we moved house-she had over 200 in the end)

My dd’s age at the time?

12

If she’d done when this lass has done I would have ripped her head off

It still cost money,time and thought

It doesn’t matter what my lot had bought for them-the rule was they smiled and said thank you-not YouTubed how shite they thought it was!

I wouldn’t but her another thing

CorBlimeyGovenor · 11/09/2019 21:43

My SIL did this to me years ago. I bought her some beautiful silk pyjamas for Xmas. When my husband and bil went out for the evening, she invited a few friends round and held up all her Xmas presents for her friends to rate (including my present right in front of me). She also pulled subtle faces to indicate her own opinion which of course influenced her friends reactions. She was in her mid twenties. Was a brat then and still is.

Monkeyplanet · 12/09/2019 00:05

Haul videos are fine...comments like "thanks but no thanks" etc., are not. Most people who do haul birthday gifts say kind things about every gift especially as they are from loved ones, not rude things like this young lady

Rachelover60 · 12/09/2019 00:52

Your niece probably thought her gran would never know anything about the video.
If she apologises and says she was only acting, that it wasn't real and she didn't mean it, she'll be forgiven. I expect she is mortified at upsetting grandma.

I hope you and her parents can convince her how awful it was of her to do that, even if was meant as a lark.

PerkyPomPoms · 12/09/2019 07:45

Good luck

Sayhellotothethings · 12/09/2019 07:52

If I was her mother I would be taking every single one of those gifts and apologising to family members, suggesting that if they have the receipts they return them and keep the money. Perhaps she will reconsider acting like a complete brat. She is an adult, this is inexcusable.

Glitterpearl · 12/09/2019 09:47

I love how it has repeatedly been asserted on this thread that she is an ADULT, yet consulting her mother is one of the most common suggestions.

If she is an ADULT then it is fuck all to do with her mother.

PhilipJennings · 12/09/2019 09:48

I think I'd contact her directly. Email her, and copy in her mother with a link to the video. And rather than tearing her a new one, I'd go along the lines of a gentle reminder that the internet will follow you in real life. Not that she doesn't deserve a telling off imo, but if your family is very close you might have more luck with taking a caring approach to provoke a genuine reaction and that's better for healing wounds.

"Hi niece, I saw you shared your reaction video to your birthday haul recently [link]. As you know, 18 is a milestone birthday and we all put in a bit extra for your birthday this year to celebrate with you. I have to say that your reaction to our efforts to buy you something nice (including gifts you asked us for) was really quite hurtful in parts. I'm glad you liked "necklace" but I think you might want to call Nana soon as she found your public rejection of her thoughtful gift very upsetting.

We have all seen the video. I know these kinds of video are very popular these days, but please do consider that in real life, it comes across as rude, ungrateful and hurtful to the people who love you enough to spend time and money choosing gifts for you only to publicly sneer at the gifts. I won't ask you to take it down but perhaps you should contact the people whose gifts got a thumbs down to explain why you thought it appropriate to do that.

With love, Aunt X

I know it says "I won't ask you to take it down" but that's a bone to throw her - honestly I doubt it will stay up after that!

Original poster
Bellasblankexpression · 12/09/2019 10:26

I spoke to her and her mum.
Video has been taken down.

Seems like it was just acting, she wants to be an influencer and make money out of it and was trying to get as many views as possible.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 12/09/2019 10:31

I think she is silly to "act" like that did she apologise ?

Mrsjayy · 12/09/2019 10:33

If she wants to be an influencer being a cowbag for likes won't get her far there is thousands of 18 year olds who want to be influencers

joblotbubble · 12/09/2019 10:36

I love how it has repeatedly been asserted on this thread that she is an ADULT, yet consulting her mother is one of the most common suggestions.

Being an adult downtown give people the right to act like selfish, spoilt cunts.

If she is an ADULT then it is fuck all to do with her mother.

Meh, so no adult should ever tell another adult they need to fucking think before they act.

What nonsense. She needs someone to tell her even if it's only to stop her being so self destructive. People should be there for each other, the 'she's an adukt' attitude that absolves everyone of any responsibility ever is pathetic.

WhoArtinHeaven · 12/09/2019 10:39

Fucking "influencers" what's wrong with our society that this is what people aspire to?

Glad it's sorted OP. I hope she has apologised to your mum (and learnt a lesson).

Mxyzptlk · 12/09/2019 10:39

Crap 'explanation'.
I hope she realises how nasty she was it made her look.

Glitterpearl · 12/09/2019 10:41

I think you have missed my point entirely there.

JoMos · 12/09/2019 10:48

YANBU. Totally rude. In and entitled. No manners. This is not you bring out of touch or a generational thing at all. This is just bad behavior, from anyone of any age

Motoko · 12/09/2019 10:49

So, she wants to be known for being controversial? Like that awful woman (who I shan't name) with her cockroaches statement?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/09/2019 10:55

Seems like it was just acting, she wants to be an influencer and make money out of it and was trying to get as many views as possible

Pitiful Hmm

Can I ask if there was any real regret for the upset she's caused, or was it just "she didn't mean to cause any - it's just what you gotta do for the hits these days"?

thecatsthecats · 12/09/2019 10:56

Crap 'explanation'.

Dunno. If she follows it up with a tearful apology video, I think she's quite savvy to her chosen career path.

I think the vogue for influencers will have died down or modified by the time she grows up though, and by then she'll be a bit too old to influence tweens.

Juells · 12/09/2019 10:59

I know someone who has tried to be 'an influencer' and is spectacularly failing. Living at home now, at age 26, as she spent so much time trying and failing to develop a following. It's very difficult.

GCAcademic · 12/09/2019 11:03

It is only on MN that individuals are expected, in the second the clock strikes midnight on their 18th birthday, to have matured into an adult. IRL I have never come across such high expectations.

Well, our government considers 18 year olds adult enough to join the army and get themselves killed in combat. That’s pretty real life, I would say. But, of course, those are working-class kids, and not the precious offspring of Mumsnetters, too eternally childlike to be held to account for behaving like ungrateful brats when they decide to publicly humiliate their gift-giving relatives.

ThinkingIsAllowed · 12/09/2019 11:05

This is horrible! Speak to her, and to her parents.

Lweji · 12/09/2019 11:07

It is only on MN that individuals are expected, in the second the clock strikes midnight on their 18th birthday, to have matured into an adult. IRL I have never come across such high expectations.

I expect DS to show an increasing display of mature behaviour to or close to the full range by the time he reaches 18.

At 14, he already knows he should thank presents not slag them on FB.

Isadora2007 · 12/09/2019 11:08

I would advise her to keep her own video to remind her of the days she got presents from me- as all the money I’d have spent would be getting donated to worthwhile charities like Mary’s Meals that provide a meal every day for a year for less than £15. Link her to such charities so she can have her eyes opened to just how much some people would appreciate the simple things in life she clearly takes for granted.