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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Niece did a 'reactions' haul video for 18th birthday presents...

403 replies

Bellasblankexpression · 11/09/2019 09:32

I don't know if I am out of touch with the youth of today [I'm only in my 30s but I feel seriously old right now despite working in social media] but I'm feeling pretty offended by this.
My niece turned 18th recently so we all spent a little extra and got her something from a list she provided.
We got her a necklace she'd asked for, for example, but other people couldn't afford to splash out and got vouchers or something smaller.
She's recently become very active on Youtube and Instagram, which is fine and pretty usual, but she saved all her presents from her birthday bbq as she said she wanted to open them later - again, fine.
However the real reason she wanted to open them later is because she wanted to open them during a video and show her live reactions to them, rating them with a thumbs up or thumbs down and saying things like 'Thanks but not thanks Auntie XXX'

I wasn't aware of the video until she shared it on her Facebook page - she's friends with lots of family members on there so people will have seen it. My mum isn't on Facebook but heard about it [her present got a thumbs down] and is mortified and really hurt.

I want to say something to her mum about it but DH thinks I should let it go and not get involved.

What would you do?

OP posts:
ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 11/09/2019 17:24

Absolutely.

kaytee87 · 11/09/2019 17:26

Doxxing is where you search for and publish private information about someone on the internet.
It's not looking up a video that someone made public themselves.

BlueBilledBeatboxingBird · 11/09/2019 17:30

It speaks volumes that you are quibbling the definition of a neologism rather than examining your reasons for attempting to find the niece, @kaytee87. OP has posted anonymously and in good faith. Stop trying to find the fucking video.

RosesAndRaindrops · 11/09/2019 17:32

Oookay, not guilty of doing so but how the heck would linking to a public youtube video be doxxing the said 18 year old?!
It's out there for the public to watch, and no doubt she's put it out there for hits and likes to do it in the first place!
Although I can see if it was linked to it could potentially "out" the OP if anyone stumbled across this thread, and that could turn even more awks! Grin
(Although the rude niece would have made it awks herself for doing such a grabby public thing in the first place)

kaytee87 · 11/09/2019 17:33

I wantEd to see if it's as bad as op says it is. I know exactly what my reasons are for having a search earlier. I don't see the big deal. It's not like I know the girl. It's a public video therefore people will watch it 🤷🏼‍♀️

kaytee87 · 11/09/2019 17:35

Also no ones actually talking about linking the video, are they? Maybe I've missed a post saying that.

BlueBilledBeatboxingBird · 11/09/2019 17:42

“I need to see this video”
“Yes if it’s on YouTube please post a link…”
“Link please”
“ I really hope no one posts the link on here as this is just the kind of thing the Daily Mail would love to pinch!
Hope they do to be honest. She deserves to be told what a cow she is.”

81Byerley · 11/09/2019 17:44

I talked about this with my husband. He said you should send her a letter rather than commenting online, saying something like "I saw your gift opening video on Facebook, and I feel very upset that you felt the need to hurt and publicly humiliate people who have only ever shown you love and generosity. I did not think that you were the sort of person who would do that sort of thing and I am very disappointed in you. Obviously as we don't know your taste in gifts, you will not expect any more for future birthdays or Christmas, and I hope that when you eventually grow up, you will be less cruel"

MouseInATelescope · 11/09/2019 17:45

I'd not say anything. She's trying to fit in. She doesn't really mean it, she's trying to be cool and popular and get those golden "likes" and "followers". I'm 30 and glad I ditched social media last year it's a vile place.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/09/2019 17:46

Glitterpearl, you've told posters to 'grow up'. What's that all about? It's almost as if you've taken the opposite position for the sake of it. That's fine, always room for a devil's advocate bu if you take that position then expect people to believe your stance.

Whilst I agree that the name-calling is a bit off, it's not to the niece, she won't get to read those comments.

I do mean my post; this one and the earlier, all of it, nothing disingenuous there.

RosesAndRaindrops · 11/09/2019 17:50

I'd not say anything. She's trying to fit in. She doesn't really mean it, she's trying to be cool and popular and get those golden "likes" and "followers".

Oh, pffft. Sorry, but what?! I'm pretty prolific on social media, I wouldn't bloody DREAM of doing that though!
I mean, I know I'd like extra likes and the followers, but how bloody daft do you have to be to do something like that?
What part of your head says you can publicly go onto Youtube and do thumbs down etc to presents you got?!
Does she think she's in some magic corner of the internet where the present givers can't see her?! Confused Hmm
If you do public stuff like that of course there's going to be consequences if anyone stumbles across it.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 11/09/2019 17:52

If no-one says anything, @MouseInATelescope, how will she know how much hurt she has caused, and how will she learn not to do this again in the future?

It is not fair to the people she has upset, to allow her to get away with this, and frankly it does her no favours either! She needs to be told that this behaviour is hurtful and unacceptable, otherwise she will carry on doing it, and will alienate everyone she treats so unkindly. She will find that the sort of people who ‘like’ this sort of nastiness online are fickle, and will turn on her as easily as they ‘liked’ her, and that they are not true friends and won’t replace the family and loved ones she has driven away.

Mumsymumphy · 11/09/2019 17:53

How does an 18 year old have such a lack of self-awareness as to do this??? And then post it on FB where family members would see it! It's unbelievably rude. As it's public then I would comment saying how rude it is and that she won't be getting anything from me ever again - and end it with a thumbs up emoji!

loutypips · 11/09/2019 18:04

I'd comment on the video saying something like, "well if my gifts aren't good enough I won't bother anymore!"

How rude. I'd make sure she knew how nasty her behaviour is. And how stupid she is sharing it everywhere!

Glitterpearl · 11/09/2019 18:05

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Your posts baffle me to be honest. You seem to know a lot about me...a total random on the internet.

Or maybe you are just incapable of having a point of view that doesn't involve getting personal, or acting like you don't understand what another person means as a way to put words in their mouth.

Either way, I am leaving it there with this little tangent.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 11/09/2019 18:08

Horrible behaviour, spoilt and bratty. I‘d be letting her know what I thought. And her parents. How vile and hurtful. There would be no more presents at all until that video was down and a through and sincere apology delivered to those hurt by it.

Notnownotneverever · 11/09/2019 18:15

Honestly it’s pretty standard behaviour because it’s an extension of the ‘haul’ videos on many social media platforms. However they are usually more tactful and appreciative on the professional posts.
However I wouldn’t be cross with your DN but I would talk to her and her mum. She does need to have it explained to her that what she did is unacceptable and hurt people. I assume she would be upset if she understood that she hurt her grandmother, other family members.

Pringlemunchers · 11/09/2019 18:16

I can't believe anyone would actually do this tbh.

lilypips · 11/09/2019 18:17

FFS can posters please stop trying to dox this young woman? How grubby.

Dox? Really? FFS!

RosesAndRaindrops · 11/09/2019 18:18

However I wouldn’t be cross with your DN but I would talk to her and her mum
I assume she would be upset if she understood that she hurt her grandmother, other family members.

I'd see your point if she was 8, but she's EIGHTEEN!!

RosesAndRaindrops · 11/09/2019 18:20

Oh, and I'm another one who wants to see the video now Grin

wizzywig · 11/09/2019 18:21

Has anyone suggested you all posting a video about rating your neice with a thumbs up or down?

Lolwhat · 11/09/2019 18:22

It’s quite normal to do hauls after you’ve opened them all but usually people don’t judge them, so rude

Pinkblueberry · 11/09/2019 18:24

However the real reason she wanted to open them later is because she wanted to open them during a video and show her live reactions to them, rating them with a thumbs up or thumbs down and saying things like 'Thanks but not thanks Auntie XXX'

Disgusting - it’s nothing to do with being young. Most 18 year olds will know that’s a really shitty thing to do. I would forego buying any presents ever again.

MaverlousMo · 11/09/2019 18:31

I would just ignore her, but from now on I would suggest no more presents. Just a free text message!