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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be happyDSS didn't come and stay on the weekend?

226 replies

rubyblue40 · 11/09/2019 00:56

My partners son is 12 years old and has stayed us for the whole 6 weeks holiday; where he spent all his time on his playstation, didnt budge from the bedroom, ate all the food, complained about what was made for dinner and left a mess everywhere. His Mother didnt bother to insist he goes home for a few days during the holidays even though she had just had a baby and surely DSS would need to bond with new baby. My partner was useless in giving him a structure during the holidays, or just at least getting him to tidy up after himself. this weekend he stayed with his mum and i just felt no tension within me, i am due to have a baby anf wont be happy if DSS is going to be here lazing around in the house nextbhalf term. weekends i can deal with, half term is another story!

OP posts:
viques · 11/09/2019 11:03

sadlycindy

You think I'm nasty? I'm not the one saying a 13 year old child is only welcome in his own home if he behaves himself for a step mother who openly says she doesn't like him, and would not accept behaviour from him that she would accept from her own child.

Janus · 11/09/2019 11:10

Mellow I agree with you that you have to keep asking them to do stuff and don’t get angry with that fact, it’s like they don’t listen when they’re 12 but you have to keep trying!
I really don’t think I’ve said anything to knock the OP about being a stepparent. I made a general comment that you have to make a huge effort to form a relationship with a stepchild but I don’t think that was knocking her or other stepparents.

A88ie1 · 11/09/2019 11:13

Yea parents fault.

I'm sorry but I couldn't deal with my husbands son for this long. 6 hours does me in lol. I feel for you.

I am grateful when BM plays up with our situation as it means freedom. and she thinks it punishes us lol.

CandyLeBonBon · 11/09/2019 11:15

@WhatToDo999 - the tItle of the thread is aibu to be happy dss didn't come and stay at the weekend?'

Not 'do you think it's unreasonable that my dp hasn't parented his 12 y/o ds all summer to the point where I feel resentful in my own home?'

I think the opening tone of the thread has set the scene here. So no, with such a Goady title it's not really surprising it's not going well, is it? If she wanted support to get her dp and dss to step up and participate in the daily grind then that's what she should've asked.

A88ie1 · 11/09/2019 11:15

You think I'm nasty? I'm not the one saying a 13 year old child is only welcome in his own home if he behaves himself for a step mother who openly says she doesn't like him, and would not accept behaviour from him that she would accept from her own child.

ah but what if it was the Womans home. Then the child needs manners just like we used to be taught in other peoples homes.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/09/2019 11:15

I am grateful when BM plays up with our situation as it means freedom. and she thinks it punishes us lol

Aren’t you delightful Hmm

CandyLeBonBon · 11/09/2019 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatToDo999 · 11/09/2019 11:19

@CandyLeBonBon - i think you have to look beyond the title and listen to what OP is actually trying to say.

I agree it could have been worded better, she sounds very resentful and out of her depth, and deserves help, not slating!

I stand by my words though and do think according to MN step-mothers are the root of all evil.

CandyLeBonBon · 11/09/2019 11:20

I am grateful when BM plays up with our situation as it means freedom. and she thinks it punishes us lol

@A88ie1 do you mean your stepchild's mother?

With comments like that, it's no surprise there are negative views of step parents on here.

CandyLeBonBon · 11/09/2019 11:22

Sorry @AnneLovesGilbert I tagged you by mistake. I've asked my comment to be deleted

Batcrazymum3 · 11/09/2019 11:22

@A88ie1

I'm sorry but I couldn't deal with my husbands son for this long. 6 hours does me in lol. I feel for you.

I am grateful when BM plays up with our situation as it means freedom. and she thinks it punishes us lol.

Surely this is not a serious comment

viques · 11/09/2019 11:25

A88ie1

It is the place where the child's father lives, where the child spends every other weekend and part of every holiday, therefore it is one of the child's homes.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/09/2019 11:26

No probs @CandyLeBonBon Smile

PonderingPanda · 11/09/2019 11:38

Get over yourself @rubyblue35. The child acts that way because the adults allow it.

So maybe look closer to home as to why he is like it.

I have the same issue with my 12yr old son, however l PARENT him and get him to sort out his mess or the internet goes off

Tyersal · 11/09/2019 11:44

yanbu

Original poster
rubyblue40 · 11/09/2019 11:51

ive known DSS since he was 2 years old and he has 2 younger siblings from my myself and partner, one on the way. I have taken all your messages on board. Thanks, will reflect on my attitude. just want to say i do not ever make how i feel known to SC, i just wanted to express how i felt. It appears its the norm for 12 year olds to be this way and from my experience i wasnt aware if that. Anyway Thanks and i really dont need anymore opinions - all noted and taken in board.

OP posts:
Original poster
rubyblue40 · 11/09/2019 11:53

FYI i wont be reading anymore of this thread as its more or less the same comments being repeated. so discuss away in my absence and thanks again for replying

OP posts:
MNHQ
HebeMumsnet · 11/09/2019 11:57

Morning, everyone. Just wanted to pop in with a reminder to stick to our Talk Guidelines. We'll have to delete any posts that amount to personal attacks. Thanks.

MorganKitten · 11/09/2019 12:34

You’re saying he should go bound with his new sibling, but then say you’d rather not have him there after you’ve had yours... wow

Dieu · 11/09/2019 12:51

What about his actual mother?! She should surely want him around in the holidays, so that he can bond with his new sibling Hmm

choli · 11/09/2019 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

sadlycindy · 11/09/2019 13:01

@viques yes I do think you are nasty.

I did not say I didn't like him, I said I'd struggle if he wasn't well behaved so I empathise with the OP.

Durgasarrow · 11/09/2019 13:18

You don't have a stepson problem, you have a partner problem. And why is it that you're having a baby and not getting married?

Rainonmyguitar · 11/09/2019 13:32

And why is it that you're having a baby and not getting married?

That is really none of your business.

viques · 11/09/2019 13:35

sadlycandy

So who were you talking about when you wrote

"We don't have the same feelings for our SC that we do for our own children. So where we'd forgive and put up with our own child behaving that way, we resent our SC behaving that way because we don't have that same love we do for our own"