Work colleague texting every night

[summ]

My work colleague who I spend 40 hours in an office with comes home and wants to text me all night and talk about work and other irrelevant stuff. I'm really getting irritated by it now I really didn't want her to have my number in the first place but she asked multiple times I felt awkward saying no. She is almost double my age. It's very odd and people who I've mentioned it to say it's creepy. She isn't like this with anyone else at work there's many other people she could try and befriend if she really wants, she's been here a few years now. I've done nothing to encourage this I like to keep work and private life totally separate and don't like texting at the best of times. Many times I've ignored messages but it makes me feel rude and makes no difference anyway because I still get them every night. Even weekends sometimes. AIBU to be really pissed off about it and WWYD?

Just be straight and send a message saying sorry if you need to talk work with me please do so during work hours as this is my time to switch off and enjoy family time, friends etc. Then ignore future messages. Give the same response every time.

Just tell her you don’t like discussing work unless urgent outside working hours because you like to shut down and unwind.

Wish her the best.

What Sparklesocks said is a good starting point - remind her what time your working day ends and that she is part of that world. You need to put in some boundaries, and it is not unreasonable to want to keep work and home life separate.

She's lucky you're so timid - this would drive me round the bend!

It just sounds like someone who is possibly lonely and thinks they have found a compadre. I feel sad for her to be honest that people are suggesting you block her 🙄 you could set some boundaries, don’t respond straight away, say you’re having dinner etc or the like. Not sure there is that much harm in it tbh she obviously just likes you as a person.

I just ignore the messages. If she follows up again just tell her you were busy. Do it enough and she’ll stop texting

Just reply and say sorry, can't talk now as busy.

HT85 I had a person like that.. when I tell them I’m having dinner they would text me half an hour later asking me if I finished dinner and why I haven’t replied yet.

I do feel sorry for the work colleague. She sounds lonely.

I don’t think blocking her is kind. And I don’t think being abrupt and defensive with her is kind either.

I guess the kindest thing would be to tell her to please keep texting to within 9-5 working hours as this is her personal phone and she likes to shut down and unwind after and only keeps the phone open so she can communicate with DH and her family and her personal friendship circle.

Just tell her you’re putting your phone on silent in the evenings as you get so many messages from friends and family that you can’t get anything done. That way you’re not making it personal to her. After all, you want to maintain a friendly work relationship. Maybe she’ll get used to you not responding and stop messaging!

But yeh the answer is in being consistent with your response and being ready for Her to kick off with a tantrum/guilt trip/ feeling sorry for herself... and then making sure you empathize but not fall for it and remain consistent.

“I’m too busy to talk”
“Sorry not think g about work”
“Sorry we will discuss this within working hours on Monday at 3 pm because I’m
Gonna be busy before that”.

If she kicks a fuss “but I need this now!!”
“You’re always saying you are busy!”
“Are you avoiding me!!”

Just be empathetic and say “oh it seems like this is urgent for you, do you reckon you can discuss with the manager to reduce your work load or to get you someone to help you with this. I’m sorry I can’t deal with this now”.

You need to show her it’s nkt your problem.

“Oh, it’s not personal. You sound like you need some company. I just like to restrict my texting to specific things during my home time”.

She's rude

Not you

Block her number

Just don’t reply. Who gives a shit if it looks rude? Or say ‘Sorry, I’m putting my phone away at night now to be with my family or have relaxation time. Speak to you during work time.’

I would ignore every single message after work. Dont reply ever. If she mentions it next day tell her you put your phone on charge after work for the break, and you dont look at it til morning. What can she say to that?

I find it weird that people are saying to block her ? They are not children, seems like an immature response and how do you expect that to play out in the office ? Is the op just going to avoid her ? If work related, just reply “let’s discuss tomorrow. I don’t really want to talk shop in the evenings 😊”

I would just be honest...just say hey, not being rude or anything but really want to chill out when I get home so dont be worried if I dont reply...just barely have my phone on me! Will catch up with you at work?

I would have to say please could you not message me of an evening as I don't feel its professional, if you don't want confrontation block her number and if she asks regarding your number say you have changed it for just family and close friends no work colleagues.

Thing is she does have some good friends and family that she often mentions and meets up with them after work and weekends and goes away on trips with one. She seems to see her friends more than I do, So I really don't think it's that she's very lonely. There's been some really good advice which I've took note of, but I am sure I won't be meeting up with her outside of work to the person that suggested that, it would just make the situation 10 times worse!

Block her seems to be the new standard answer on MN these days. It turns up in all kinds of inappropriate situations. Mum annoying you? Block her. Friend says something that annoys you mildly? Block her. Colleague who you will have to spend every day with for years contacts you? Block her. Well you could do that but it would make things a great deal more awkward than just having a normal conversation about it and saying you want to keep work chat within work hours.

She says she has friends/family that she meets up with. Do you actually have evidence that this is true? Sometimes people invent friendships and relationships in order to make themselves seem more likeable. Better than saying they have no friends and go home to the cat every night.

and finally.. tell her....please don't take this the wrong way i'm not looking to offend you but don't text me at home i don't do texting and hate links and memes. it's a waste of my home life to be messing with texts while i'm with my family.

Why does everyone keep suggesting the OP say 'I don't want to discuss work / talk work in the evenings'...?

This annoying, clueless, rude woman isn't texting in the evenings about work.

• She doesn't want to do work when she's at work.

• She doesn't like her job, and thinks the OP doesn't either.

• She can't do her job and needs the Op's help all the time.

When she is texting, it's no doubt about mundane, dull shit, completely unrelated to work.

So all the suggested replies saying 'I don't want to discuss work in the evenings' are completely unhelpful.

OP - just ignore, ignore, ignore.

YABU to be texting her and then complaining about it on here. Just don’t reply? This is actually pretty mean, she probably just wants to be your friend and if you don’t then that is ok but let her know by not replying or replying less often in a professional manner and be very brief. Please ignore the PP who said tell someone at work, they’ll ask you to show the texts and then you will look very weird and bitchy and it won’t do any of you a favour!

Just tell her that you don't want to think about work when you're not at work.

I once had a boss who would phone me 3 or 4 times day when I was on holiday. The first couple of days I took it, but on the third I reminded him that I was on holiday and asked him how big my pay rise was going to be... he stopped bothering me.

Just be clear. If she continues to phone send "Summ is not at her desk; this is an automated message"

Yes I have no idea why people suggest blocking as an answer. It’s such a passive aggressive thing.

I feel like most those people saying that won’t really be doing that in real life.

She isn’t necessarily rude. Breaking boundaries isn’t always rude. Sometimes it’s thoughtless, sometimes it’s inconsiderate, sometimes it’s projecting their own lack boundaries, sometimes it’s bad habits .... not always deliberately pushing someone to the edge.

Sometimes reminding someone brings the thought to their conscious mind and solves the problem without the drama. Sometimes they don’t understand it and it’s a chance for them to learn without you giving in.

Sometimes it is you who needs to develop better communication skills in that specific area, and this could be a positive learning curve.

It’s wrong to assume people are rude. Some are... but it would be seen in other aspects of their personality, not by just one bad habit.

No one deserves an aggressive response unless they’re being aggressive too... it’s not a kind world for everyone to be soo defensive of their boundaries to a point where no one else’s feelings matter.

@summ is this your work phone or personal phone? Check if your workplace has a policy around using personal devices for work related communication. And you can ask her to stop texting about work

Other than lots of good advice on being firm and not responding

Good luck

She says she has friends/family that she meets up with. Do you actually have evidence that this is true? Sometimes people invent friendships and relationships in order to make themselves seem more likeable. Better than saying they have no friends and go home to the cat every night.

Frankly, who cares?

Besides, what do you expect the OP to do?

Go digging to see whether this random does actually have friends? Become friends with her, if it turns out she doesn't?

Whether this woman has friend or not is of no relevance to the OP.