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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP wants to buy his ex a car

166 replies

littletikes27 · 10/09/2019 11:17

Might be long as don't want to drip feed!

Been with my DP for 4 years, he has two DC with Ex and we have a DD together, had nothing but trouble for Ex over the years although she has also been in a long term relationship and has another DC of her own.

We have his DC 3 nights one week and 4 nights the next so completely shared custody. We (me aswell) pay for everything, school uniforms, trips, clothes as they're with us all weekend, trainers for both ours and their moms, holidays, literally everything but their mom still wants maintenance. Even though it's shared custody he still pays maintenance every week as she cuts contact if it's not paid.

Her and her DP have now split and she used to drive his car so she now has no car. I have been picking the kids up from school every day and dropping them home on the days they are at their moms as DP was giving her extra money for taxis, now were not well off by any means and I get no financial support from DP for our DD. We split the bills 50/50 but I support her on my own.

I am selling my old car and now DP and his Ex have apparently came to an arrangement where he wants to buy it off me for her and she won't have maintenance for X amount of months.

AIBU to say fuck right off?

OP posts:
Corna · 11/09/2019 21:57

Fuck I'd pay £30 per week just to get rid of this grade a cocklodger.

BadLad · 11/09/2019 23:45

Effectively, you are paying for the kids your partner and his ex have, so the ex doesn't have to.

Holandcleo · 12/09/2019 00:19

I think you need to sit down and have a very serious talk. Pick a time when you can have a long discussion and make sure you are prepared. Be calm, logical, practical and as understanding as you can be, but be determined. At the moment things seem unbalanced and you are on the losing side. All that’s needed are adjustments so that everyone is being treated fairly. Extended families can be really complex, but it can be sorted. Your partner sounds as if he feels totally responsible for his ex; he needs to consider that she could contribute as well. Could she work part time? Would a legal agreement formalise contributions more fairly and prevent further “blackmail” ? His priorities should be you and your child, followed by his other children. His ex comes last. Just don’t lose your rag - arguments that get out of control rarely achieve anything. Sensible discussions may get you further. I wish you the best of luck, you’re experiencing an extremely trying time!

ShellbyBell · 12/09/2019 02:34

He now also thinks it's unfair DD has a different brand coat. I said "if Ex paid half of DSC coats maybe they could have the same but considering I am buying her coat myself I don't think it really matters does it"

He’s a CF and taking liberties! As PP said I would write down everything that’s being paid for so he can see it in black and white. They could sing for the car for reasons all previous posters have said.
You are being used spectacularly. Only you can decide if having him in your life is worth this shite. Flowers

Mermaidoutofwater · 12/09/2019 03:02

Keep your car OP, hopefully you haven’t committed to a new one yet.
It sounds like the ex is very difficult but the fault lies with your ‘D’P who seems to be taking the easy way out at your expense. If she withholds contact, he applies to court, which unless he is completely illiterate he can do himself, self represent and just pay for the application fee. If he still wants to contribute financially to her household he is free to do so but he needs to still be contributing a fair amount to your household and your shared DD. If he can’t afford to do both, then something has to give.
I just don’t understand why his ex isn’t working if she only has the children 50% of the time.

Sunflowers211 · 12/09/2019 03:31

He is buying a car to help his kids. Sell your car too someone else if it bothers you that much. You sound jealous.

HoldMyBook · 12/09/2019 10:46

Sunflower, if he wants to buy a car to help his kids then he should buy a car, not expected OP to accept payment in drips and drabs for the next however long.

That's not buying OPs car, it's taking advantage at OPs expense.

whocanbebothered · 12/09/2019 10:51

So he pays CM for his kids, you buy said kids stuff, but he pays nothing to you for your kid together. Why why why do people put up with this shit? The MN world seems to be full of doormats who put up with inordinate amounts of crap from their other half then come on here to moan about it. FFS grow a pair and tell him he can F off. Jeez!

^^ This. With knobs on.

Nanny0gg · 12/09/2019 10:52

Why are you with him?

hsegfiugseskufh · 12/09/2019 10:55

He is buying a car to help his kids. Sell your car too someone else if it bothers you that much. You sound jealous

he is not buying a car, he is going to take ops car (because lets face it she isn't going to get that money) to help 2 out of 3 of his children, whilst the 3rd child gets sweet FA.

And you think op is jealous?

jealous of what?

or do you think shes fucked off that hes taking advantage of her to benefit his ex, and first children, while she and her child get nothing but further disadvantaged because of this?

the ex wives club called, they want you back.

timshelthechoice · 12/09/2019 11:09

There's usually a good reason why these men who already have kids have been dumped/their relationship has failed. That's why they are never a good idea to date when you're single and childfree. But now you know, he's a skeezer and CFer who wants to take take take.

I'd leave this relationship, tbh. He'll never pay up for his third kid with you.

hsegfiugseskufh · 12/09/2019 11:13

There's usually a good reason why these men who already have kids have been dumped/their relationship has failed. That's why they are never a good idea to date when you're single and childfree. But now you know, he's a skeezer and CFer who wants to take take take

I think that's a bit unfair, do you say the same about women who have failed relationships? yeah didn't think so.

Sometimes there's a valid reason why their prev relationships failed that isn't "because theyre a total shit"

I would agree that dating men with kids is generally a bad idea, but that's mainly because I wouldn't advocate anyone welcoming an ex wife into their life by choice.

Bibidy · 12/09/2019 11:21

No chance. He's not responsible for her, she needs to buy her own car.

mankyfourthtoe · 12/09/2019 11:32

Has he been to court, looked at the cm site to see he doesn't have to pay. If he's been to court she can't keep his children from him.
If he won't do that then I don't see a future.

hsegfiugseskufh · 12/09/2019 11:38

If he's been to court she can't keep his children from him

she can refuse access even with a court order, and all he can then do is go back to court every single time she does it. Maybe eventually he would get custody but its a very long drawn out process and certainly not as cut and dry as "she cant do that if you go to court" unfortunately

Catforaheadrest · 13/09/2019 14:03

Lol, great name change fail OP! Does the new user name mean you’re LingTB??

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