DP wants to buy his ex a car

[littletikes27]

Might be long as don't want to drip feed!

Been with my DP for 4 years, he has two DC with Ex and we have a DD together, had nothing but trouble for Ex over the years although she has also been in a long term relationship and has another DC of her own.

We have his DC 3 nights one week and 4 nights the next so completely shared custody. We (me aswell) pay for everything, school uniforms, trips, clothes as they're with us all weekend, trainers for both ours and their moms, holidays, literally everything but their mom still wants maintenance. Even though it's shared custody he still pays maintenance every week as she cuts contact if it's not paid.

Her and her DP have now split and she used to drive his car so she now has no car. I have been picking the kids up from school every day and dropping them home on the days they are at their moms as DP was giving her extra money for taxis, now were not well off by any means and I get no financial support from DP for our DD. We split the bills 50/50 but I support her on my own.

I am selling my old car and now DP and his Ex have apparently came to an arrangement where he wants to buy it off me for her and she won't have maintenance for X amount of months.

AIBU to say fuck right off?

Just say no unless you get the full payment upfront. Dont say no just to be spiteful over 30pw

YANBU
I suspect you won't see that money and also I wouldn't sell it to her anyway as I can guarantee if it breaks down it'll become a problem for you.

I would say no - she sounds difficult from what you say about access issues, she could claim he is not paying maintenance and he won't be able to prove he is.

@lilypips

I, and other pp's worked out what she was asking about from the very first post. Stop being arsey if you don't understand.

Just tell him that you could sell it to someone else for a lump sum, so he could either pay you like that (and not at a discount) or you'll just do that instead. It's not something for him to 'arrange' with his ex.

YANBU about the payment in installments - what recourse do you have when if he stops paying you, or if she decides to put in a CMS claim?

It's time to get the access arrangement formalised through the courts so she can't withdraw contact when she feels like it. Why hasn't he done this before?

Why does he not pay anything towards your shared child? How does that play out day to day?

Say no. You need the full finance from the car to buy another Simple practicalities

No. If something goes wrong with the car, it'll be 'your' fault and he'll start paying for repairs to it too.

Why does he not pay anything towards your shared child?

Jeeze. I missed that bit of the OP. WTF?

I, and other pp's worked out what she was asking about from the very first post.

How did you get from a mass post about the ex etc to know that OP actual problem was her DP paying her?

Stop being arsey if you don't understand.

I'm being arsey because it's stupid to leave the actual question out of the OP.

Ahh with the update I don’t think you’re being so unreasonable then. I’d agree to it if he pays you in a lump sum as another buyer would, I wouldn’t agree to weekly instalments.

Like another poster said I'd say no because no doubt she'll come back with all kinds of problems with it expecting you to cough up, expecting you to pay for the MOT etc etc.

Can't she get her own car on finance?

No! Red flags!!!!!

Imagine if something goes wrong with your car in 6 months time?! Whose fault will it be and who will have to pay? You guys!

The problem is that they have 50/50 custody and he shouldn’t be paying her maintenance at all

Why shouldn’t he be paying her maintenance? It might not be enforceable by CMS but they are still his children which he is providing for. I don’t see why he’s being slated for paying £130 towards his kids per month?

Re the car. Tell him you need the money up front as you have to purchase a new car. Tell him you want full asking price for the car also and it’s not cheaper just because it’s going to his ex

No don’t do it you won’t get the money for it. It will basically be a freebie.

When she does get a car will she do the school runs instead of you?

Why are you even with him? Surely you knew what the situation was like with his ex before having kids with him?

I would be giving him an ultimatum, he needs to get the shared custody thing in writing (this may mean going to court), he then needs to stop paying maintenance as you have them 50% of the time.

Just go and sell the car yourself, it’s your car so it’s up to you who you sell it too.

Big no from me.

You really need legal advice. There is no way his ex should be allowed to blackmail him into paying maintenance by denying access to the children!! If it's 50:50 then perhaps he shouldn't be paying maintenance, but maybe there's a legitimate reason why he is, but it all needs to be sorted out officially and legally.

Are you married to this man op?
The ex is taking the mickey. Shared custody but he pays maintenance or she cuts contact. Bugger that.
Do not give the car away-which is what you will be doing as you say he won't pay for it.
You support your shared child alone? Madness.

If you both pay 50/50 then surely he is paying towards your joint child's costs?

I get no financial support from DP for our DD. We split the bills 50/50 but I support her on my own.

What on earth does this mean? It seems to mean that your "D"P doesn't pay anything towards your shared child (aside from basic household bills) but you do?

You split bills 50/50 But then support your child from your own money. And then from your joint money pay for his children? Why doesn't he financially support his child with you? Only his children from previous relationship. I'm all for separate finances but this is a shit agreement.

Sell your car to you partner and he has to pay a lump some. If he wants to pay in instalments then do the paperwork. She will take the car and ask for maintenance again. Also make sure he goes to whatever place it is that decides on maintenance and visitation so they can make a formal agreement and she cannot blackmail him. Then get an account where he can put money towards raising his own child. I'd also evaluate my relationship if this is beneficial arrangement to both parties.

So he pays CM for his kids, you buy said kids stuff, but he pays nothing to you for your kid together. Why why why do people put up with this shit? The MN world seems to be full of doormats who put up with inordinate amounts of crap from their other half then come on here to moan about it. FFS grow a pair and tell him he can F off. Jeez!

This is a bit shit for you really isn't it? I might agree if it were a lump sum but not installments.
I'm also concerned that given the history she'd demand maintenance anyway following the sale in exchange for contact. Especially if things are financially tighter for her now, it's not likely to improve her behaviour is it?