DP wants to buy his ex a car

[littletikes27]

Might be long as don't want to drip feed!

Been with my DP for 4 years, he has two DC with Ex and we have a DD together, had nothing but trouble for Ex over the years although she has also been in a long term relationship and has another DC of her own.

We have his DC 3 nights one week and 4 nights the next so completely shared custody. We (me aswell) pay for everything, school uniforms, trips, clothes as they're with us all weekend, trainers for both ours and their moms, holidays, literally everything but their mom still wants maintenance. Even though it's shared custody he still pays maintenance every week as she cuts contact if it's not paid.

Her and her DP have now split and she used to drive his car so she now has no car. I have been picking the kids up from school every day and dropping them home on the days they are at their moms as DP was giving her extra money for taxis, now were not well off by any means and I get no financial support from DP for our DD. We split the bills 50/50 but I support her on my own.

I am selling my old car and now DP and his Ex have apparently came to an arrangement where he wants to buy it off me for her and she won't have maintenance for X amount of months.

AIBU to say fuck right off?

Yanbu

I'm gobsmacked at your h's behaviour. WTF with not financially supporting his dc3. I'm furious and sad on your behalf.

If she wants her DC to wear RI, then she needs to contribute then. He needs to stop giving in to her tantrums

It costs £210 to get a CAO. She can't withhold contact willy nilly

I've had this argument till I'm blue in face. If you buy stuff for first fmaily kids you have to treat our joint child the same.
I pay for everything for him and it oisses me off too. Why do 2nd kids lose out?
My ds gets loads of free 2nd hand stuff from. Mom friends as I don't care and he's young. But car seats, cots, winter coats prmas etc are new and paid for my me.
I feel your pain op.
Just stop and say no.

If the lazy ex wants RI clothes tell her to get off her arse and get a job.

Quite honestly if he was just buying a car I'd laugh out loud but it is in exchange for maintenance so I can't see the problem really if it will benefit his DC.
Mind you the whole situation sounds like a ghastly mess.

(1) Sort out the maintenance bit, this needs to end, because there is no guarantee she won't stop the visits in the x number of months !!! She's clearly playing a dirty game, and this game won't end over these number of months! If something happens she'll come and ask for extra money because " that thing happened" !! the whole game is dirty and needs to stop

(2) He needs to pay for your DD, and that needs to start, he's not treating his children equally paying everything for the others, and not everything for your daughter just cus he has easy access to her! Is he calling you to leave him for a shared custody !!!?

(3) As for the car, no I wouldn't sell it to him, even if he pays in full, because i don't think this woman will actually stop asking for money even if he gives her the car! So end the maintenance, and end the free car service, she needs to use her money for that! That's why it is shared custody !!

Yanbu at all.

I would be concerned that she would be on the phone every time there is an issue with the car demanding money for it to be fixed, trying to claim you gave her a dodgy car.

If she wants a car, she needs to sort it herself. She also needs to sort out ferrying the kids about herself in the meantime. out of her own money.

Children are not pay per view. Who gets child benefit for them anyway btw.

Surely he should not pay her any maintenance. And if she thinks blackmail is the way forward he needs to go to court for proper access.

And stop paying for everything.

I'm absolutely gobsmacked that he's paying more than he needs to for his first kids and NOTHING towards his child with you. It's appalling. How can he think this is right? Your child together is every bit as much his responsibility.

I would never agree to that. And you shouldn't spend a single penny of your own money towards your SC while this arrangement exists.

She's a CF essentially, and he's being a bit of a doormat. I can't imagine she'd keep up withholding contact for long if she tried, and could be formalised in court anyway.

For the many people saying if is 50/50 then don't need to pay maintenance, sorry, but is not true if done through CMS. Resident parent still eligible for payment from other even if 50% or more time with non-resident parent. Have a play on the calculator online and see!

My problem is him buying the car off me. I will never be paid for it as he wants to pay me weekly like he does with the CM.

Well obviously not then, but that should've been in the OP. It isn't unreasonable to want paying when you sell something.

More importantly, why is he only paying towards some of his children? Don't have any more with him as he clearly struggles to afford the three he has.

You have 2 issues.

One is the car. This is easily dealt with by you selling it añd telling your partner that you need the lump sum.

The second is the fact that your partner seems to think that parenting his daughter is optional. He gives in to his ex because she makes a fuss. You let him away with it so he treats you like a dooormat. I hope the child benefit is in your name?

I'd be gone! He's not a good dad, he's a spineless prick, they are too different things. He is treating you and your dd terribly and you are subsidising all of them all because he won't stand up to his ex? Nope, I'd leave and and take a leaf out of his exes book.

And never ever sell a call to someone you know, especially not with her form and his inability to stand up to her. You'll probably end up paying for her petrol at this rate

Also yes don't marry him. And how did things work before you had DD, did you pay for things for his kids then too?

@MerryChristmasHarry if I was out and about shopping I'd pick them bits and pieces up just because I liked the stuff really and I like treating them! But back then it was a treat, as Ex still provided clothes etc whereas now it's just expected of us to provide everything.

Tell him to Man Up and tell her "No"

He's your partner now, not hers. And she sounds like she needs a good slap, stopping contact if she doesn't get money - How ridiculous

Some Women just shouldn't be mothers

Can your DP afford his ex wife's insurance, car repairs, tyres, MOT and tax? Cos you can bet your arse he'll end up paying them.

Say no. She's a grown adult, only pays for half her kids upkeep and no other costs like clothes etc and even gets £30 a week towards what she's legally obliged to provide. Stop running around after her, get proper access sorted legally and make your DH support his child with you too.

I read the title before seeing that he had children with her.

If it would be instead of payments I would also get it in writing in case she denies it later.

Op i feel for you!

My honest advice would be not only dont give him or sell him the car but sack him off entirely!

He clearly only gives a shit about his ex and first children and hes expecting you to fund them. Fuck. That.

You and your dd deserve better.

The ex's finances are her problem, not your DP's & definitely not yours. Don't agree to "selling" your car to her, you'll probably never see the money.
What's your housing situation? Are you secure where you are, i.e. do you rent/own in your own name or is your home jointly held? He's being a father to his first 2 DC & effectively a husband to his ex but not really anything much to you & his 3rd child.
Tell him your involvement in his arrangements stops now. He buys everything for his DC from his own money, ditto unnecessary maintenance to his ex, taxi fares for her etc. He makes childcare arrangements for them himself, such as getting them from school to his ex & anything else he expects you to do for him/them. Tell him the tight budgeting & constantly juggling time will be good experience for when you've had enough & leave him & he has to pay CM for his 3rd child on top of everything else.
He's not being a responsible parent, he's being a doormat & he expects you to be one too.

So your cheap fuck of a boyfriend wants to take your car and give it to his ex instead of paying her maintenance. Then he promises to pay you in weekly installments. This payment is no doubt based on the price you'd get if you'd sold it outright and got the cash. But unlike getting cash, which you'd have in hand, you'd have the anxiety of having to wait week by week to see if you'd actually get that money. That means that 1. he'd have to live up to his promises, 2. you'd have to stay in that relationship, 3. the car would have to stay functioning perfectly, 4. she'd have to not get into any fender benders she could use as an excuse, etc. No, this is a shitty deal.

How has this built up and carried on?

Before you got pregnant, were there any discussions?

Does he have spare/disposable income etc?

You need to be blunt, tell your DP if he wants you to stay he needs to be strict regards money to ex, first and foremost she needs to get a job. If she threatens to withhold access, it won’t last as she’ll miss the money and free time.

Why is he giving her maintenance if it's 50/50? Let her go to cms and get a court order in place is she withdraws contact. Why is he such a doormat with her?

Because reading between the lines the ex is one of those women who abuse the children by using them as a bargaining chip to support her meal-ticket for life.