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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh showers at 4am disrupting toddler

308 replies

Surfskatefamily · 09/09/2019 19:41

Aibu in asking him to shower the night before instead?

He seems to think I'm unreasonable. However he doesn't see how unsettled this leaves our son all day. He was sleeping through most nights before this. And has gone back to 2 or 3wake ups average and an earlier up time.

The shower is right next to sons bedroom

OP posts:
FelicisNox · 10/09/2019 18:30

YANBU.

I wouldn't normally say this but I would be making it clear: I'm not asking you... I'm TELLLING you. There will be no more showers at 4am and if you insist on continuing with your selfish behaviour YOU will be getting up to DC EVERY time they wake as a penance.

Say it with a smile but enforce it.

If he's showering to wake himself up tell him to stick his face in a sink of cold water. Works just as well.

woodhill · 10/09/2019 18:35

I still stand by my earlier comment. Sounds like DH is the main earners ( could be wrong) and I think if he needs and wants a shower it is his choice. He probably pays the bills.

I would never dictate to my own DH.

woodhill · 10/09/2019 18:36

Some of these comments sound like you are infantilising your dh.

Nearly47 · 10/09/2019 18:49

It's difficult. Showering at night for me it my DH wouldn't be an option. He needs to shave and I only wake properly up after a shower and will feel bad all day if I don't shower. I would move the baby to another room if at all possible. Waking up at 4 am is bad enough. Let him have his shower

L0bstersLass · 10/09/2019 19:02

He should put the child first. Shower the night before and if necessary shave over the sink in the morning. It's really not great to be disturbing a young child's sleep at 4am. The child needs to learn to sleep through the night.

tomboytown · 10/09/2019 19:22

No way I would be happy with showering the night before, sorry

Nearly47 · 10/09/2019 19:29

I think we need to look after our children but changing our routine to the point you stop doing basic things as a shower before work isn't good. I would do everything to avoid my first born from waking up. Tiptoeing around the house. To this day he is a light sleeper and has trouble settling down in unfamiliar places. My younger son didn't have so much attention and fall asleep easily and is not easily disturbed.
I really believe the way I treated them as babies affected that. Children should learn to sleep through normal household noises otherwise the parents lifes becomes too restricted.

GuidoTheKillerPimp · 10/09/2019 19:38

Poor man - I wouldn’t go to work without showering.

Rtruth · 10/09/2019 19:51

Hmmm
Hot sweaty summer nights...shower might before wakes kid up.
Oooo you want a special cuddle ...nope I’ve showered and god forbid I shower in the morning.

I mean although I agree majority of time, if this is normal routine, then child should get used to it.

di2004 · 10/09/2019 19:53

YANBU.
My DH is exactly the same.
He gets up at 4am, heads straight for the bathroom .. and all of a sudden he’s like Moby Dick! Splashing around washing his face, cleaning his teeth, gargling mouthwash that sounds like it’s lasting forever and going to the loo, don’t let me started!
All I want to do is get a couple more hours sleep till I get up for work but it disrupts the pattern.
I feel your pain x

BeautifulWar · 10/09/2019 20:18

How about getting of one those old fashioned shower heads that attach to the bath taps? He could have his shower the night before and a quick spray down in the morning? Or is there a shower at his work or gym hehe could use in the morning? I sympathise with you both because I would feel horrible going to work without a shower in the morning but the disruption is obviously not good for you.

FontSnob · 10/09/2019 20:25

How stinky/sweaty are you all that you can’t possibly leave the house without a shower in the morning (menopause/night sweats excluded)?!

Tessabelle74 · 10/09/2019 20:32

britinnyc
IMO you can't live your life tiptoeing around a sleeping child.

Clearly you don't have a child that wakes if a gnat farts! My husband was disturbing my 3 year old when he showered in the morning, I made him aware (my being tired and very grumpy with him) and he now showers at the gym or in the evening

Looneytune253 · 10/09/2019 20:34

I can't believe everyone thinks yabu tbh I can't start the day without a proper wash and don't begrudge dh one when he gets up at 4 either. He needs one for his back and everyone sweats in the night so surely a bath or shower before bed won't be sufficient for the day?

Gilld69 · 10/09/2019 20:53

4am id turn the water off

BrokenWing · 10/09/2019 21:23

YABU, I can't function without a shower in the morning.

You need to fix the toddler and get them accustomed to some noise and fix the shower so it's a bit quieter.

ScruffGin · 10/09/2019 21:51

YANBU, I'd be showering at that time on his day off then going out and leaving him with the grumpy toddler!

Lanurk · 10/09/2019 22:12

My oh wakes my son every mon-fri morning when he turn the shower on at 6:10. He sleeps all the way until 6:45 at weekends 😆

Aridane · 10/09/2019 22:19

Yanbu. Tell him to take a strip wash downstairs if he has to! Young chiksren’s sleep needs take precedence, sleep is proven to be vital for body, brain and emotional development ffs. He can use a flannel, the kettle and a plastic bowl if needs must!!

How fucking grim

Totaldogsbody · 10/09/2019 22:31

He's not being unreasonable neither are you. It's good to start the morning with a shower, I start work at 5.15 and I shower at 4am. Is your husband not allowed to go to the toilet, brush his teeth or even just wash his face because I think all of these could also possibly wake your dc up. I can understand that you would like to have another couple of hours though before your dc wakes up. I hope your DH work is understanding and lets him start an hour later it seems like a good compromise if possible.

EL8888 · 10/09/2019 22:37

I wouldn’t be happy either if l was you. I used to get up at 5am for work, l would slip on clothes, use the toilet, brush my teeth and then creep out of the house. Just because someone is awake, it doesn’t mean everyone else has to be. Surely a night time shower is a small price to pay?

browneyes77 · 10/09/2019 23:59

Opening my eyes too loudly woke my DD1 every fucking morning until she was 12

GrinGrinGrinGrin

justbeingadad · 11/09/2019 00:07

Of your DH is getting a shower at 4am, presumably to provide for his family, rather than being so negative maybe be more supportive of the situation. I'd not go to work without a shower unless I had an option to shower there. If that wakes my child, I'll do my best to grt them back to sleep but such is life. As PP have suggested, you must live a very quiet life for a shower to wake them. If it's a problem, put the shower on various times during the evening so your child becomes used to the noise. Maybe also question why your husohas to get up at 4am. If he can, maybe you can too?

BeepBeeeep · 11/09/2019 00:08

I couldn't go to work without showering and washing my hair. Not only does it wake me up but I would feel scruffy if I didn't.
I shower at 04.15 for work.
My kids learnt to sleep through it.
Kids become accustomed to any noise if they hear it often enough.
If my OH tried telling me that I couldn't have a shower at any time, then the loofah would be put to other uses.

Piggywawa · 11/09/2019 06:06

Hi OP,
Have you tried a white noise machine? Ours is our morning saviour!
Sorry if this has already been suggested x

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