Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we don’t need partners staying overnight in the post natal ward

999 replies

Mammylamb · 09/09/2019 18:34

If on a shared ward it would have been my idea of a nightmare. The lack of privacy. A midwife bursting in when my boobs were out. Someone pushing against the curtain when I was getting my catheter removed. It was horrible enough when there were other women about. Never mind any random men

www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/8981244/mum-debate-dads-stay-overnight-maternity-wards/?utm_medium=Social&utm_campaign=fabulousfacebook080919&utm_source=Facebook#Echobox=1567937417

OP posts:
OneHamm3r · 09/09/2019 20:34

Sorry Celebelly I think distraught mothers not being cared properly with newborns do trump privacy,not sure you get less with dads there anyway.

HumphreyCobblers · 09/09/2019 20:34

I think it IS worse if it is a male who is not a patient.

There was an absolutely vile, abusive man married to the woman oppostive me in my last stay. Had he been there all night it would have been grim beyond words, I disliked being in the same room as him and felt dreadfully sorry for his wife.

Original poster
Mammylamb · 09/09/2019 20:35

I would have loved my own husband to be there with me. As most of us would do.

But the thing is, much as I wanted that; I do not want random men seeing my fanny or tits when the midwife leaves the curtains open. Neither do I want them bumping into the side of the baby’s cot.

OP posts:
FrauHaribo · 09/09/2019 20:35

When you see the behaviour of some WOMEN, the presence of a DH would be a lot of reassurance for someone who is stuck on a bed and can't keep their baby safe.

It's as embarrassing to be pissing blood or trying to establish feeding in front of a woman patient as it is in front of a male visitor - they are equally bad and unacceptable experience.

vanillaicedtea · 09/09/2019 20:35

*Oh come on.

Plenty of us have had hard births and weren't skipping anywhere the next day. Nobody's saying "the status quo is fine, you don't need more support", they're saying "we need more staff to provide that support, we shouldn't be relying on women having a partner who is available and useful and can be there, sharing a small cramped bay with other patients overnight."*

I think you missed the part where I was talking about absolutely useless HCP in my hospital. I'd much rather my partner there to support me than more of them who couldn't give two shits and would rather all sit at the reception desk at 3am chatting amongst themselves than remember to go back and help the mother who has asked for assistance.

It's not just an issue of not being enough HCP, most of the ones I have encountered shouldn't be in a caring role. And to clarify, I am not a pushy or rude person. I was very polite and only asked for help when I had no other option, so I wasn't a pain in the arse to deal with. I still got treated like shit, though. Like when I asked for some milk at 4am and then they never got me any. I couldn't get out of bed or reach my buzzer so I had to wait hours until some poor woman was coming around asking what I wanted for breakfast. Having more of them wouldn't have made a blind bit of difference. I asked one person and that one person didn't bother.

Partners simply should be allowed to stay on the premise that they're quiet and considerate to everyone else. Of course, if they aren't, then they should be removed. But a partner who keeps to himself, doesn't keep others up at night and is there simply to help with the baby and his partner's recovery should be allowed to stay.

HumphreyCobblers · 09/09/2019 20:36

Well I don't feel that way.

And the patient HAS to be there, the husband or partner does not. One is a patient and one isn't.

clucky3 · 09/09/2019 20:36

Post natal ward was bad enough being full of visitors all day, with ridiculously long visiting hours. It would have been horrendous if fathers had stayed all night too.

It was honestly one of the most hideous places I have ever "slept". What post natal care needs is to be properly funded with enough midwives and HCAs, not for family to try to pick up the slack.

FrauHaribo · 09/09/2019 20:36

I do not want random men seeing my fanny or tits when the midwife leaves the curtains open. Neither do I want them bumping into the side of the baby’s cot.

agree, which is why wards should become a thing of the past. I don't want anyone to see my fanny or tits, I couldn't care less if they are male or female -unless it's the medical staff that has a good reason to check things down there.

OneHamm3r · 09/09/2019 20:37

Any nurse leaving curtains open when you’ve got your fanny our should surely get the sack. Most nurses I know are beyond careful in that respect. And as for dads bumping into cots, it’s ok for women to do that then.Hmm

HumphreyCobblers · 09/09/2019 20:38

The point is the dads are EXTRA PEOPLE.

And many women DO like to protect the female only space.

HepzibahGreen · 09/09/2019 20:38

Why are people going on about "what if women do it"?
If there are other women there it's because they have also just had a baby! It's not comparable.

FrauHaribo · 09/09/2019 20:39

Any nurse leaving curtains open when you’ve got your fanny our should surely get the sack.

HAHAHA

some nurses are allergic to closed curtains and will spend their shifts opening them, not giving a damn about privacy and respect. One is enough to make a new mother feel miserable.

vanillaicedtea · 09/09/2019 20:39

But the thing is, much as I wanted that; I do not want random men seeing my fanny or tits when the midwife leaves the curtains open. Neither do I want them bumping into the side of the baby’s cot

Well the midwife shouldn't have been leaving curtains open in that case. That's just poor training. I'd feel equally as uncomfortable if another woman saw my private parts as I would a man, post birth. And considerate partners wouldn't be anywhere near your child's cot. I struggle to see the difference of a man accidentally bumping into it than a female?

It just seems like this is a standard man-hating thread which isn't actually addressing the issues at play. Which is poor training and people being employed in a caring role who shouldn't be in it. And woman being expected to cope with it alone rather than their partner who has as much of a right to be there as the mother, helping with her recovery and baby, and keeping himself to himself.

Original poster
Mammylamb · 09/09/2019 20:39

Unfortunately I spent a lot of time in hospital the year my son was born. Privacy and dignity of patients isn’t high on the agenda. You’re expected to be pathetically grateful for any treatment on the NHS

OP posts:
Original poster
Mammylamb · 09/09/2019 20:40

The partner doesn’t have a right to be there. He is not the patient- the mother is

OP posts:
Buyitinbamboo · 09/09/2019 20:40

Bit of both here. Would have liked my DP to have been there so he could close the curtain and stop the useless creep opposite who was staring at me breastfeeding. I had an easy birth and sent DP home so one of us could get a good night sleep. But it took 40 mins to get DD to finally latch on and my curtain was left a bit open, I couldn't face moving again to shut it. Luckily I was confident enough to not give a fuck and feel pity for a 40 year old man staring at a 23 year old new mum breastfeeding whilst he could have been staring at his newborn.

There needs to be 2 sections I think.

FrauHaribo · 09/09/2019 20:40

If there are other women there it's because they have also just had a baby! It's not comparable.

It's comparable in saying that you are surrounded by strangers, sometimes from the worst category of the population, that make you unsafe and at least make you lose privacy, sleep and dignity. A stranger is a stranger, male or female. It's not more comfortable to be pissing blood in front of a woman than it is in front of a man frankly.

clucky3 · 09/09/2019 20:41

Again. I had a shitty birth. The post natal care was dire. I was alone. I STILL don't think men should be on the wards all night
More midwives, more proffessional help. Not random husbands.

THIS. So much this.

Sallycanwait1 · 09/09/2019 20:42

Dh didn't stay with either of mine and I had to have surgery both times after labour. Me and the babies lived to tell the tale.

Original poster
Mammylamb · 09/09/2019 20:42

And as for the father bonding; my husband has managed just fine without staying overnight at the hospital

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 09/09/2019 20:43

I would prefer partners were able to stay after birth. My partner was asked to leave half an hour after dd1 was born, and by the time he was allowed back the next day I was already the "expert" in looking after her. It took ages to shake that dynamic and become more equal parents.

makingmammaries · 09/09/2019 20:43

I had one DC in the UK and the others in Europe. In the UK, nursing staff are just not there when you need them, even when you can’t move after a cs and your baby is hungry. That’s why partners are useful. In Europe, you press the buzzer and a nurse appears. No need for partners on the wards then.

FrauHaribo · 09/09/2019 20:43

WHY are we so supporting of communal wards in this country? Why is the idea so accepted?

If we could at least agree that they must disappear eventually, at least we would make some progress.

Why do we accept that the rich are allowed decent care, because they can afford it, but not your standard tax-payer? Why is that?

HumphreyCobblers · 09/09/2019 20:46

I agree it would have been much better to have had a private room.

But in the meantime, enough staff and no men overnight.

Genderfree · 09/09/2019 20:46

Mammylamb

  • “I would have loved my own husband to be there with me. As most of us would do.

But the thing is, much as I wanted that; I do not want random men seeing my fanny or tits when the midwife leaves the curtains open. Neither do I want them bumping into the side of the baby’s cot.”

You’ve made me laugh. Exactly what I wanted to say but chickened out.

Swipe left for the next trending thread