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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think we don’t need partners staying overnight in the post natal ward

999 replies

Mammylamb · 09/09/2019 18:34

If on a shared ward it would have been my idea of a nightmare. The lack of privacy. A midwife bursting in when my boobs were out. Someone pushing against the curtain when I was getting my catheter removed. It was horrible enough when there were other women about. Never mind any random men

www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/8981244/mum-debate-dads-stay-overnight-maternity-wards/?utm_medium=Social&utm_campaign=fabulousfacebook080919&utm_source=Facebook#Echobox=1567937417

OP posts:
MutedUser · 10/09/2019 20:39

Not wanting to sleep in a room with strange men is now man phobic hilarious . Yes we are all so man phobic that we married one .

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 10/09/2019 20:39

Man phobic what are you talking about

Hospital wards are there to provide care for patients first and foremost

What do you think hospital wards are for ?

BunsyGirl · 10/09/2019 20:43

DanceItOut...my husband saved my life during labour. There’s absolutely no one else in the World who I would trust as much as him to take care of me.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 10/09/2019 20:45

OneHamm3r you obviously get confused between what is needed and what people want

Medical professionals provide primarily (or should do) what is needed in this instance on a hospital ward where they will be responsible for many patients

namechangetheworld · 10/09/2019 20:45

Hospital wards are there to provide care for patients first and foremost

Isn't the point that maternity wards are so woefully understaffed that they're struggling to provide even the basic care for new mothers? Hence the need for the Dads to stay to pick up the slack.

XXcstatic · 10/09/2019 20:46

Sounds like a lot of women are scared of men

Yeah, it's mysterious why women think that men might be self-absorbed, more concerned about their own egos than the welfare of women, and prone to verbal abuse, isn't it? Hmm

Tippety · 10/09/2019 20:47

Enthusiasm- I completely agree, a man does not need to be there for bonding in my opinion. I booted mine out when visiting hours ended and they still told me he had to come back. The underlying issue in all of this is the fact that maternity care has been eroded so much that people feel they need men on the ward just to get through the night with their newborn safely. Which is scary and sad in equal measure.

isabellerossignol · 10/09/2019 20:48

Sounds like a lot of women are scared of men... Wow...

So if some men behave in a way that some, or indeed many, women find frightening who is in the wrong? The women who are frightened, or the men who have done the frightening?

I'm not afraid of men in general, but I have certainly met some who I am afraid of. And I have posted a couple of times on the thread saying that in my post natal state I would have loved to have had my husband stay with me. But in reality I don't think it is the solution to understaffing, and I don't think it would be fair on the women who he is just a random stranger to.

If women as a group, are afraid of men, as a group, the fault lies with the behaviour of the men, not the women for being afraid of that behaviour.

And I'm using 'as a group' because I know that it isn't all men, or even most men. But nor is it a tiny minority, sadly.

Soubriquet · 10/09/2019 20:49

Sounds like a lot of women are scared of men... Wow

Ding ding ding! Give the man a cookie

Fowles94 · 10/09/2019 20:50

I agree with you, the last thing I wanted after only 8 hours sleep in 3 days was my partner snoring, no matter anyone elses. Plus I needed him to get a full night's sleep ready to help me out when I was home.

Gilld69 · 10/09/2019 20:51

Yanbu aside from the privacy part i wanted a good nights sleep well as much as possible but some bonding time with my dc hospitals have gone soft

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 10/09/2019 20:53

namechangetheworld

Yes that maternity wards (all wards) are understaffed is often the problem.

This should not be the case.

MutedUser · 10/09/2019 20:54

Woman are scared of men like you who think if they shout the loudest they should get everything they want and fuck all the other vulnerable woman on the ward as long as you get your way. You said yourself you refused to leave the hospital when asked. Not like you kindly discussed your situation and asked to stay. So I can imagine how you would react if anyone woman asked for your to removed from the room for religious reasons or whatever the reason might be .

Tinyandpetite · 10/09/2019 20:54

Everybody had to disappear after I’d had my daughter, knowbody on the ward. It was absolutely horrendous

BunsyGirl · 10/09/2019 21:08

I have PTSD due to my time spent on a post-natal ward unable to look after my baby properly due to being very ill with HELLP and pre-eclampsia which led to an emergency induction and an horrendous birth where I almost flatlined. There were no staff. At times just one midwife for 32 women and even more babies (there were twins in my bay). The one person who was willing and able to take care of me and our baby was sent home. Instead, I had to look after a tiny baby 24 hours after I almost died. I have never got over it and don’t think I ever will.

Rocket1982 · 10/09/2019 21:10

Let's be realistic and pragmatic here. Contemporary maternity care in the UK can be utterly shit. You have a woman who is physically incapable of looking after a baby after birth complications (PPH, CS, 4th degree tear and surgery with spinal anaesthetic, you name it), who is also sleep deprived and emotionally vulnerable. There are no private rooms. There is no adequate level of medical or nursing support. You don't allow another person to stay and support her because they are male. That is great for women, isn't it? Yes maternity wards should be better but they AREN'T! In the meantime, allow women and their families to help themselves or just let them suck it up and suffer long term health consequences?

Smotheroffive · 10/09/2019 21:22

don't allow another person to stay and support her because they are male

No, because of the very real risk increased by removing any safeguarding around vulnerable women and babies from male perps that exist everywhere.

No decent man feels comfortable around women in this state and would rather be somewhere else. Those who don't react this way are suspect.

I have heard men over and again make comments like how they have removed themselves from situations where women could feel intimidated or at risk, such as the examples ^thread, or where a man has been walking home late at night and realised a woman walked alone ahead of him and has taken a different route so as not to cause alarm. Thats what decent people do.

Regular adults dont stop children to ask directions, or the time, or offer them sweets, etc.

Thats because they are aware, and decent.

No man wants to invade women and their spaces, only those who dont care, and they are male but definitely can't call themselves men Grin

MistyGlen · 10/09/2019 21:23

But if wards are fully staffed then there is no need for you to be there
They aren’t fully staffed. That’s the point that people have been making. The NHS doesn’t provide a nurse to look after you and your baby so you have to bring your own. Yes it’s a crap situation but the only alternative is to put mums and babies in an unsafe situation with no care.

Smotheroffive · 10/09/2019 21:25

Rocket

Lack of staff does not equate to losing safeguarding and increase very real risk of assault.

What sort of sorry reasoning is that!

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 10/09/2019 21:26

So @MistyGlen @Rocket1982 et al, the campaign should be for better postnatal care (and better support of NHS overall) not a campaign to allow an inadequate sticking plaster to the problem and that also potentially compromises the dignity, care and potentially safety of vulnerable patients.

Rocket1982 · 10/09/2019 21:28

"No man wants to invade women and their spaces, only those who dont care, and they are male but definitely can't call themselves men"

Are you seriously telling me that if your partner had just nearly bled to death and was currently paralysed from the waist down you would leave her alone to look after your newborn baby in case a woman in the next cubicle felt uncomfortable about your presence? Not a nice choice to be forced to make but I know what my choice would be.

Smotheroffive · 10/09/2019 21:29

If women as a group, are afraid of men, as a group, the fault lies with the behaviour of the men, not the women for being afraid of that behaviour.

Yes, this, and sadlt this is a reality that is destroying lives and women as a group do need protrcting from it.

Having men on a ward is not any way an adequate replacement for midwives

Rocket1982 · 10/09/2019 21:31

So @MistyGlen @Rocket1982 et al, the campaign should be for better postnatal care (and better support of NHS overall) not a campaign to allow an inadequate sticking plaster to the problem and that also potentially compromises the dignity, care and potentially safety of vulnerable patients.

Just how is that going to go in the current political and economic climate? It's going to be DECADES before maternity care is adequate in this country. In the meantime, how much PND and suffering do we want to cause by this policy?

Contraceptionismyfriend · 10/09/2019 21:31

@Smotheroffive the reasoning that many have already stated.
If a ward allows for my husband to stay. And I do not feel that the hospital are providing adequate care to myself and my child then I am going to prioritise my needs over everyone else's.

The hospital will probably prioritise my DH because his presence will save them money and probably a few complaints.

Smotheroffive · 10/09/2019 21:31

Do you think that is tue responsibility of an untrained famiy.member then????

I think thats down to qualified staff to deal with, don't be silly