To think we don’t need partners staying overnight in the post natal ward

[Mammylamb]

If on a shared ward it would have been my idea of a nightmare. The lack of privacy. A midwife bursting in when my boobs were out. Someone pushing against the curtain when I was getting my catheter removed. It was horrible enough when there were other women about. Never mind any random men

www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/8981244/mum-debate-dads-stay-overnight-maternity-wards/?utm_medium=Social&utm_campaign=fabulousfacebook080919&utm_source=Facebook#Echobox=1567937417

(2 horrific sections here) I wouldn't have wanted any partners, co-parents, birth partners, people's mums or sisters or any random people who are not patients (of either sex or any gender) hanging around all night.

Even the nicest visitors are not concerned with and often inconsiderate of, other patients' wellbeing. They take up space, talk all night, make noise, use resources, use the loo, intrude, some knock your drip stand over, nick your chair and refuse to return it even though you want to sit in it. It's a Bad Idea in a Shared Ward.

The solution is better maternity care. The campaign's for the wrong thing. Partners on mat wards will legitimise reduced investment in staffing. Idiotic.

Private rooms, no problem. Open wards no, no, and no.

The women are the patients. This means that in this instance their privacy, dignity and comfort is paramount, and trumps the interests of men (whodathunk it, eh)? In the vast majority of cases is will be for 2-3 days maximum.

My DH was hoofed out at around 9 pm (DC born late afternoon) and the only bonding time we had on the first day was in recovery. The world didn't end. And in response to the many PPs who had traumatic EMCSs, yes, so did I. I'm aware it's painful and uncomfortable. But it's still possible to BF, and the DHs can come back and visit during the day.

There are other people to consider here. Maternity wards are noisy and uncomfortable places at the best of times (which this isn't, despite the new mum euphoria). Having your innards turned inside out to give birth, lying on your bed cathertized and bleeding like a stuck pig, or crying because you feel grim and unable to shower having gone through the dirty process of childbirth, definitely doesn't qualify as one of them. I don't want to hear other patients' DPs snoring like warthogs when I'm trying to get some much-needed sleep after a physically traumatic experience. No more do they, I'm sure, want to hear mine.

And don't get me started on those Bounty reps, who have absolutely no business mining exhausted new mothers for data. It's an affront to patients' dignity that they should be there at all!

and PMSL @pineapples1 "sexist" . It is not "sexist" for hospitals not provide overnight accommodation for people who are not patients.

Sexist and transphobic...

wowser!

With my first I had sepsis and didn’t know and was in great pain and not being brought enough relief . I was intimidated by men in the ward and I had a terrible diarrhea etc and was so upset at having to go in whe our past noisy male relatives when I was feeling so unwell and vulnerable.

*What is needed is support

This can and should be provided by professionals

That we want it to be our loved ones is a separate issue as our loved ones are our family we know them others don’t they are just strangers on the wards.*

A lot of people have said that they would prefer actual help from professionals rather than their partner. It wasn't top of my list for him to have to empty my catheter, change the blood sodden pad underneath me and clean me up a bit, or clean up vomit from me; but because the staff said no one was able to help, he had to. I would have loved for him to be able to go home and sleep whilst I spent the several nights I was there with baby, but that wasn't my experience. Everyone's is different, but if I people actually read comments they'd realise a lot of people had them stay out of necessity for the welfare of themselves and their babies. It is absolutely unfair on those women who feel vulnerable, but until something changes people sometimes need them to stay. I asked the hospital if they would let my mum stay instead, they said no.

And that’s ridiculous @Tippety, you should be able to have whoever you want to support you if it’s necessary. I’d have wanted my mum too.

See I can see both sides. I absolutely see and understand why women wouldn’t want men on the wards and would completely support this HOWEVER there is not anywhere near enough nurses especially through the night to actually help especially for women who can not get up.

The first time my DH stayed as I was physically unable to stand without help and couldn’t have gotten up and down to get baby, I was young, had internal and external stitches, was unable to wear knickers as I had a catheter inserted so every time I got up blood would just so everywhere. I asked DH to stay because frankly I was terrified and also a nurse actually came over and suggested he stayed because I was going to need a lot of help. He actually ended up assisting the woman next to me all night, she’d had a c section and couldn’t stand up so the baby would be crying, she would buzz and no one would come so my husband went over to her bed (the curtain was half drawn) and he said, “excuse me, I’m here with my wife, do you need me to do anything or want any help” she literally burst into tears and thanked him. He would pass the baby every time it woke up after that all night until her mum came in the morning.

I think the main issue is it’s fine to ban men BUT we need to have enough staff.

What about the welfare of people who have no husbands or partners? Surely the medical staff and others need to provide the care and the visitors are there to visit.

After the traumatic birth of my first child I would have been absolutely lost without my husband there. I was there for 2 night not inc labour with 3 other couples - didn't see any of them! All hidden behind curtains.

@Ihatemyseleffordoingthis
Huh?
I said it's sexist for woman to expect men to get lost. We have just as much of a right to help the little ones in their first hours of life. Along with helping their wife's or partners get through a very painful experience.

Next you will be saying men shouldn't be present during the birth, then men shouldn't be allowed during the conception...

Thankfully the hospital I went to actually encouraged the males to stay the night, but there were ground rules.

It's NOT all about the ladies, it's mostly about the baby's. Which last time I looked, had fathers.

Not going to lie but shortly after delivery I did have a deep hatred for the species as a whole.
Well yeah. I remember the HV coming to see us post birth and saying "in a couple of years you'll be having your next one" and I was like "er, no, I'm never going near a man again-are you mad!?"

“Next you will be saying men shouldn't be present during the birth, then men shouldn't be allowed during the conception... ”
Oh, don’t talk bolkocks.

No partners overnight. Its not a premier inn.

More midwives and specialist health care assistants who can help with changing, feeding and shoulder to cry on.

I found the midwives to be good at things such as removing catheters and bullying me as son didn't take to BFing despite all manner of efforts. I had never felt so alone, inadequate and unprepared. DH, as well meaning as he is, would never had understood. It was so bad my DM stood up for me. Emotional wellbeing professionals would also be appreciated.

I was left in a room alone unable to move in immense pain. Couldn't reach baby. Couldn't reach button. My DH was papped out about an hour after I'd had an extremely traumatic birth.

I ended up passing out. No idea who took care of DS that night or if anyone even did. I've never had the courage to ask for the notes to find out. The guilt is still there almost seven years later.

So yeah, birth partners should be allowed to stay.

And yep - without him I would have struggled. Hardly saw a midwife and had a catheter in, internal and external stitches so could barely move, tongue tie baby who couldn't feed. I was frankly terrified and in a lot of pain - I needed him for the physical and emotional support. There were too few staff to provide either.

More midwives and specialist health care assistants who can help with changing, feeding and shoulder to cry on.

This would be great but unfortunately isn’t going to happen because there isn’t the funding.

Considering women give birth in private birthing rooms, men are no problem.

On a shared ward, with multiple women, no!

@Pineapple1. The women are the patients. Not the men. You have no right to be there when woman need some space and privacy. You are not the patient.

I could understand if a woman really needed physical help. But if wards are fully staffed then there is no need for you to be there. It’s not all about you

@Pineapple1 no man has a right to be at the birth. They're presence is only granted via the permission of the labouring woman.

It's NOT all about the ladies, it's mostly about the baby's. Which last time I looked, had fathers.

That's a confused exercise in logic if ever I saw one. The woman is in hospital precisely because it's her body that's been ravaged by childbirth and because she needs medical care. For the few days it's necessary to remain in hospital, surprisingly enough, this is one of those extremely rare instances when it's really all about the woman. She is the patient. And her needs in this brief period of time happen to trump those of fathers - who are not.

The 'ladies' and the babies are patients, Pineapple.

The 'ladies' and the babies are patients

Yep

And what marie said

Those of you saying that the men don't need to be there are just plain sexist. It's as much of a big deal for the man as it is the woman.

I call BS on this post. I think someone's trying to have a laugh.

I am soon to have my first and the thought of being in a ward of strangers, feeling vulnerable with no familiarity, looking after a new tiny human who may potentially feed from my body which has just been through one of the biggest transitions in my life fills me with utter horror. I've been in tears about it. I have considered a home birth however reluctant and I am high risk at this stage.
I would honestly say it is an individual need of mine to have support from someone I know. Especially after hearing about the situation of some postnatal wards and mind set of over worked staff who are stressed and over stretched.