Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we don’t need partners staying overnight in the post natal ward

999 replies

Mammylamb · 09/09/2019 18:34

If on a shared ward it would have been my idea of a nightmare. The lack of privacy. A midwife bursting in when my boobs were out. Someone pushing against the curtain when I was getting my catheter removed. It was horrible enough when there were other women about. Never mind any random men

www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/8981244/mum-debate-dads-stay-overnight-maternity-wards/?utm_medium=Social&utm_campaign=fabulousfacebook080919&utm_source=Facebook#Echobox=1567937417

OP posts:
Dinosauratemydaffodils · 10/09/2019 18:04

No the ones that should pay are those who want 50% of the population banned from spending time with their newborn and ensuring their partners and babies get the care they need.

So I should pay because I have a medical reason as to why I couldn't stay on a postnatal ward with men or forfit my right to postnatal care despite having had emergency sections?

You don't know why women are saying no. You can't make assumptions about it and they don't have to say why they don't want someone else's lovely husband wandering about.

The solutions are simple, instead of arguing with each other we need to accept that both sides have valid reasons and push for our needs to be met. Private rooms only whenever new maternity hospitals are being build, different areas for women who want/need their partners and those who don't want any men around them. More staff in general and actual postnatal support especially given that virtually all women with straight foward births just go straight home. Clear communication of the actual policy whilst women are pregnant so it's not a surprise to anyone and so that arrangements can be made in advance wherever possible.

FelicisNox · 10/09/2019 18:05

YANBU.

The solution is to have more staff on the wards to endure proper care and support NOT having men there.

The only exception should be women in private rooms and even then there should be a good reason for it because the last thing the staff need is meddling relatives who get under their feet.

FelicisNox · 10/09/2019 18:06

ensure

OneHamm3r · 10/09/2019 18:06

That’ll help with breastfeeding feeding Symposium. HmmWhat are the mums recovering from c/s supposed to do? I could barely limp down the corridor to get meals.

timshelthechoice · 10/09/2019 18:06

FFS, so if you point out that well, it's not the same for a man because he has not gone through the biological process of childbirth then you are a man-hater and a sexist Hmm I have heard it all now. Seriously, it's 'just as bad for the man'. My own H is howling at this next to me.

Spot on, Hepzibah.

Last year, at Edinburgh Royal Infirmary, a postpartum woman and her son were transferred from Borders General Hospital after an early premature delivery for pre-eclampsia. She didn't have her husband there with her as he needed to care for their other child/she was far from home (very common now with centralisation).

That woman was left to leave the unit alone and make her way to see her son in the NICU. Alone. After a CS for a dangerous condition. Her absence was not noticed for seven hours. She was found dead in a disused stairwell due to brain haemorrhage. No one had been monitoring her well after her condition and she had been left alone.

This the result of not having enough staff and care, women who don've have someone around get even shittier treatment.

Bertrand is right, this is not about men; they do not give birth.

Original poster
Mammylamb · 10/09/2019 18:06

@JealousOrFair the curtains were closed when they started then someone opened them. I’m sure they didn’t do it on purpose knowing I was undergoing an intimate procedure.

I had to ask the midwives and HCAs on multiple occasions to close the curtain as they kept leaving it open while I was feeding. And they never bloody asked before opening them (with the exception of one very young HCA and a student nurse)

OP posts:
ThursdayLastWeek · 10/09/2019 18:07

vanilla it really saddens me that you could 'yipee' in the face of other women’s concerns.

Alsohuman · 10/09/2019 18:07

Hospitals are aware of the benefits only to themselves. Partners staying 24/7 just means they can understaff postnatal wards and get away with it. No way would this happen on any other ward full of patients, in fact mixed sex wards have been outlawed in every other specialty.

The thing that amazes me about this thread is that there isn’t complete outrage at the substandard care women seem to take for granted now. I’m bloody glad my postnatal experience was in the 70s when we were looked after properly.

Jessie94 · 10/09/2019 18:09

You're not being unreasonable.
There are women from religious backgrounds that cannot/should not share their private and sleeping space with other men.

There are women who are in abusuve relationships who are frightened by other men.

There are women who have had a traumatic birth and just need time to recover and bond with their baby.

I never made it up to the maternity ward (was discharged straight from the delivery room 4 hours after birth) so I can't talk from personal experience unfortunately

timshelthechoice · 10/09/2019 18:09

LOL, oh, yes, that's right, the patients should pay for a room because they don't want to share a ward with visitors 24/7. Yeah, that's really going to fly!

LittleAndOften · 10/09/2019 18:09

If my DH hadn't been there through the night after my section, my baby would have probably died. The clip came off the cord and he lost a lot of blood. If DH hadn't seen it and acted (he's a paramedic), God knows what would have happened.

Tinkerbelle57 · 10/09/2019 18:09

I also think the privacy thing applies to other wards too.
How many times have you visited someone in hospital and the nurses or doctors pull the curtain round for another patient and you can hear everything that’s going on.

OneHamm3r · 10/09/2019 18:10

Well Timshel booting out dads doing a valuable job isn’t going to fly either.

vanillaicedtea · 10/09/2019 18:10

@ThursdayLastWeek

These women didn't have any concerns for me or my child's wellbeing. Every woman for themselves.

timshelthechoice · 10/09/2019 18:10

I agree, Almosthuman.

OneHamm3r · 10/09/2019 18:11

So don’t comment Jessie.Hmm

ThursdayLastWeek · 10/09/2019 18:11

Long live the sisterhood

Mrsgogginsthe3rd · 10/09/2019 18:12

I sort of know what you mean but what’s the difference between through the night and during the day?!? I was an absolute mess after a section then an obstetric haemorrhage i’d have appreciated at least some help when I moved up from HDU. As was struggling with recovery, feeding and my IV line. The healthcare assistants were a godsend during the day but not enough of them at night. I know what people mean though who aren’t keen. We’re not going to get the adequate no of staff 24/7 forget it. But what is achievable and would help is all private rooms. Pre and post natal wards should be a thing of the past altogether. I was on one for 5 nights and it nearly sent me under!

OneHamm3r · 10/09/2019 18:12

Also human it does happen on other wards. You clearly haven’t spent the night on a paediatric ward.

timshelthechoice · 10/09/2019 18:15

So don’t comment Jessie.hmm

Why not? A person who has never given birth just has Hmm

Original poster
Mammylamb · 10/09/2019 18:15

@Pineapple1. I have a husband I adore. And he is as much as an equal parent as I am: we shared parental leave and we both work part time to share care for our son.

I was in pain and struggling after a c section. Still doesn’t mean that I thought my husband should stay overnight.

You really don’t have any rights in this case at all

OP posts:
HJWT · 10/09/2019 18:15

At the end of the day ALL the women are in the same position and feel vulnerable, I lost 3 L of blood, wasn't even allowed to stand up for hours, had stitches and a catheter in.... I also had a man looking over at me all day when trying to establish breastfeeding and midwife said to keep curtain open !! I would NOT have slept if he was still there after 9PM. So NO for the women who DON'T have a husband its only fair no one does through the night! (Including me who would love my DH to stay !)

Alsohuman · 10/09/2019 18:15

No, I’ve been fortunate enough not to spend a night on a paediatric ward. It’s hardly the same thing though. If I was admitted to hospital for any other reason than to give birth, there would be no men other than hcps around outside visiting hours. Rightly so. I’m astonished that some of you can’t see how degrading this is.

MargotsBumpyNight · 10/09/2019 18:20

On a ward, it's awful. Double the people and noise, chatting all through the night, and not enough space. No chance of sleep. In a private room, it's fine and quite lovely.

OneHamm3r · 10/09/2019 18:22

No degrading is dragging yourself to the toilet trailing blood with nobody to help you. Degrading is being left to go hungry, degrading is sobbing all night with your boobs out because there is nobody there to support you with the worry of new parenthood, breastfeeding and screaming babies....