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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we don’t need partners staying overnight in the post natal ward

999 replies

Mammylamb · 09/09/2019 18:34

If on a shared ward it would have been my idea of a nightmare. The lack of privacy. A midwife bursting in when my boobs were out. Someone pushing against the curtain when I was getting my catheter removed. It was horrible enough when there were other women about. Never mind any random men

www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/8981244/mum-debate-dads-stay-overnight-maternity-wards/?utm_medium=Social&utm_campaign=fabulousfacebook080919&utm_source=Facebook#Echobox=1567937417

OP posts:
Yogurtcoveredricecake · 10/09/2019 17:51

It's as much of a big deal for the man as it is the woman

Did you get ripped a new arsehole too?

Contraceptionismyfriend · 10/09/2019 17:51

It's as much of a big deal for the man as it is the woman.

It's really ducking not @Pineapple1

53rdWay · 10/09/2019 17:52

It's as much of a big deal for the man as it is the woman.

Us selfish women, hogging the hospital beds and the medicines! Surely our men needed those things just as much as we did!

Our children being born was a massive huge life-changing event to my husband, of course it was. He still wasn’t the bloody patient once we were moved to the postnatal ward and wouldn’t have expected to be prioritised as such.

ThursdayLastWeek · 10/09/2019 17:53

Instead of insisting that your rights as an individual are more important that the rights of women as a class, why not try complaining and complaining and insisting on better post natal care. For all.

The only argument being put forward here is that many women felt that they couldn’t cope without the extra pair of hands - those hands should be provided by HCP.

Don’t women whose partners can’t/won’t be there deserve to feel supported too?

Helmetbymidnight · 10/09/2019 17:53

It's as much of a big deal for the man as it is the woman

he thinks he was pregnant and gave birth. Confused

OneHamm3r · 10/09/2019 17:54

If we’re going to ban anybody can we ban siblings and and granny’s first please. I didn’t relish noisy children and loud grannies letting the whole ward know how they did it in their day.

Helmetbymidnight · 10/09/2019 17:55

I slept mabey 6 hours. She slept around 24 hours

lazy wife. you did all the hard work, didnt you!

MontStMichel · 10/09/2019 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OneHamm3r · 10/09/2019 17:56

I didn’t want my dp there just to do the dirty work but to share the worry of being a new parent and to learn how to care for a newborn.

isabellerossignol · 10/09/2019 17:56

My husband found it all frightening and overwhelming, particularly because things went badly. But just as bad for him as for me? No, not even close. And he has said so many times.

BertrandRussell · 10/09/2019 17:56

The woman is not in hospital to bond or get to know her baby or anything like that. She is in hospital because her body has undergone a potentially traumatic experience and she needs to heal. The man doesn’t. He can stay all day- or whatever the visiting hours are- then leave at night.

OneHamm3r · 10/09/2019 17:57

If so hadn’t been there listening re all the newborn care and breastfeeding advice we’d have gone home clueless. It went right over my head. Pain does that.

OneHamm3r · 10/09/2019 17:59

No he can’t Bertrand and clearly hospitals are aware of the benefits as they are now staying.

MutedUser · 10/09/2019 18:00

onehammer isn’t that what visiting is for my hospital it was 8 till 10 at night .

ThursdayLastWeek · 10/09/2019 18:01

I don’t see why DH can’t do the listening in the 12 hrs visiting times.

Tinkerbelle57 · 10/09/2019 18:02

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. If in a private room it may be ok if he’s not impinging on other mums. However, I personally dont think the father of the child should stay all night, especially on shared wards. How are the new mums going to relax and sleep if there are other people’s husbands there. Then there is the breastfeeding and examinations that might take place. A curtain isn’t always enough privacy.
Years ago it wouldn’t have been allowed and those mums managed fine. I just think men are in the way.
There could be a special visiting time for them and a more stricter time for other visitors.

Dilligaf81 · 10/09/2019 18:02

YABU you (and I) may have had straightforward births that meant you were fine on your own but with the constant underfunding of health services there aren't nurses to hand to help. If you've had a C section and need help with feeding etc you need your partner.
In an ideal world you would have enough nurses and private rooms but we don't leave in that world this is the solution.

Lillyringlet · 10/09/2019 18:02

Nope... I would have been left alone after having an emergency csection, still not fully with it and scared.

When I had to do it a second time and he couldn't stay that first night it was awful. I had no sleep, I felt scared and almost got no medication/help when I needed it.

Husbands should definitely be able to stay one night - that first night is crazy and scary.

Helmetbymidnight · 10/09/2019 18:02

blimey i didnt get any care and breastfeeding advice during the night.

just loads of people watching mtv, talking loudly on their phones, videoing: i checked out early each time. both maternity wards were chaos where i was- the thought of dads there in the night as well as the day - arghhh-

elizaxthai · 10/09/2019 18:02

I understand the point but I loved having my partner there, I was sore too after giving birth so it was nice to have him there and care for us both. I didn't read the whole article but the headline alone talking about "their snoring keeps everyone awake" shouldn't only be directed at partners. When I was in the ward a mother's snoring kept me up!

CalamityJune · 10/09/2019 18:03

In an ideal world, if staffing and resources were no object I don't think visitors should be allowed to stay overnight in shared wards.

If a woman is recovering from C section or difficult labour then they should have a private room where a partner or relative can stay.

Babies should be moved to nurseries to allow the mothers some time to sleep straight after birth, so that once rested they feel more able to care for their newborn.

From others' experiences it also seems like phone calls in bed outside visiting times shouldn't be allowed.

vanillaicedtea · 10/09/2019 18:03

@clucky3

The only needs you prioritise are your own needs.

So let other mothers do the same. Yes to partners staying. Yippeeeee!

sniggy01 · 10/09/2019 18:04

Wow - people have had such horrible experiences- I have had 4 babies in hospital and never needed my shower there because the staff were amazing - took dd away in the night for a cuddle so I could sleep - held my hand when another had to go to scaru because she not able to get in quickly
So sad others have not had this care

Symposium123 · 10/09/2019 18:04

Perhaps if there’s a concern about the care being given to women postpartum, fathers could look after their babies on a separate ward while the mothers are cared for on a women only ward? That would get around the issue of any women feeling uncomfortable with men being around, but would not separate men from their babies. Any women that also wanted to be with their babies could go to that ward too.

OneHamm3r · 10/09/2019 18:04

You don’t get care advice then.

And frankly if some don’t like men being there and differentiate between night and day which is ridiculous on a post natal ward they can pay for a room.

As I said like many I don’t like siblings and visiting hour. We don’t get to dictate.

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