To think we don’t need partners staying overnight in the post natal ward

[Mammylamb]

If on a shared ward it would have been my idea of a nightmare. The lack of privacy. A midwife bursting in when my boobs were out. Someone pushing against the curtain when I was getting my catheter removed. It was horrible enough when there were other women about. Never mind any random men

www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/8981244/mum-debate-dads-stay-overnight-maternity-wards/?utm_medium=Social&utm_campaign=fabulousfacebook080919&utm_source=Facebook#Echobox=1567937417

“It is no different having men on wards at night than day”
Absolute rubbish!

And “religious reAsons”? What did they say when you queried that?

My dp wasn’t just needed for my physical recovery but for the mental adjustment of being a parent and the care of two newborns after abdominal surgery. He was also needed for the safety of my children. I was expected to get my own food the evening of my surgery and also one at a time for check ups after. Dragging a drip down the corridor took forever and I didn’t feel comfortable leaving my newborns unattended on a busy ward, the same hospital a baby was abducted by a woman 9 years earlier.

They are absolutely required unless and until such time that there is enough NHS staff to look after mother’s properly. I had HELLP syndrome and pre-eclampsia with DS 1. I was very ill and this lead to an horrendous labour but there was no one to assist me during the night for the week I stayed in hospital. I even had to trudge through the hospital in the dark to take my baby to special care to receive his IV antibiotics at 6.00am in the morning even though I could barely walk - it was a long way! With DS2 I was induced on the ante natal ward and was left on my own all night in labour as there was no space on the labour ward. The way that mothers are treated in the NHS is barbaric and it wouldn’t happen if men were in the same position.

Not read the comments, but couldn’t disagree with you more OP.

I had an EMCS with dd and my husband wasn’t allowed to stay. I was out of it. In a lot of pain. Couldn’t move from epidural and my daughter was in a box at the side of me. To get her, I had to buzz a buzzer and wait. Sometimes for a long time. Then, the midwife passed her to me and left. I wanted to breast feed. Asked for help. Didn’t get it. It was diabolical.

Since then, the hospital has changed their policy. My husband can now stay. I am due an ELCS this time and to have him there to help will be an absolute god send.

I was expected to get my own food the evening of my surgery

I find that barbaric. Our local hospital is dreadful for many reasons but food is brought to all women regardless of delivery method. If you're in hospital, it comes to your bed on a tray. Might not be what you ordered or hot but you don't have to fetch it.

That there were Muslim women on the ward and their husbands wouldn’t like it.

And there is no difference. I was taken to my wards in the middle of the night and my babies thought night was day as they often do. I was up all night and wanted to sleep during the day as did many others. So no there is no difference. You’re in a nighty the whole time and you sleep in both.

Dinosaur a cart would come and we had to go and get our food.

Very sexist.

As a male, with a brand new first born, I told them I would be staying.
My wife had a really traumatic delivery, I did everything I could for her to make it better in the first 48 hours. I slept mabey 6 hours. She slept around 24 hours.

I Did not want to leave her nor my son. She was in hospital for about a week, and those days I did go home were horrible. I was lost.

Those of you saying that the men don't need to be there are just plain sexist. It's as much of a big deal for the man as it is the woman.

Dinosaur same here they cam round with a cart first for tea and coffee then round with food. That was the same for breakfast lunch and dinner. Except you put your order in for dinner in the morning.

@zazu I don't think other women's comfort ranks above yours, was merely trying to point out what you were implying. Clearly all women's dignity and comfort matters in this situation and there is no easy solution. I am pretty sure that the solution to chronic underfunding should not be outsourcing to literally anyone who happens to be there.

After my emcs I was left in a recovery room, the buzzer out of my reach in a bed that didn’t have electronic controls.

That was the fault of a shit MW.

I still wouldn’t allow partners in maternity wards.

It's actually quite incredible that we got to 700 comments before a man chimed in saying that it's just as bad for them. FFS

I was up all night and wanted to sleep during the day as did many others. So no there is no difference.

There was no difference to you. In our hospital they insist on turning the lights really down low at night and if you have yours on in cubicle they come and tell you turn them off repeatedly. I found the night times hugely uncomfortable and that's before they allowed partners in. If the wards had been as light at night as they were during the day, it might be been easier but at night, it felt very different to me.

Pineapple it’s the same for men as it is for woman really? Can’t remember the last time a man squeezed a human out his privates. The woman are patients and the men are visitors .

I didn’t realise the first day and went hungry- whilst breastfeeding twins!!!! I was up all night, lost one twin down the side of the bed, couldn’t move as in agony to ring a buzzer. They screamed all night and I had to haul myself out. Then I trailed blood clots across the floor and got told off. I was hysterical by the time dp arrived in the morning. He was beyond livid and had to go and buy me some food as I’d missed breakfast. He refused to leave when he should the next night leaving me sobbing at 1am.

This was at a teaching hospital.

@Pineapple1

Its lovely to see you care so much about your baby. Unfortunately, you'll be slated here. But I'm sure your partner was so thankful to have you helping, so who cares what others think. It was the right decision for you as a couple, and well done for doing it. Respect.

Well Thursday I would.

Thinking about it, I was actually treated like shit by the midwives in labour because I rocked up without a man/birth partner.
I realised that their irritation was because I wouldn't have an assistant to care for me.
I, stupidly, had assumed the nursing staff would look after me if I needed it as that was, yanno, their job.
So I can see that men and partners are actively encouraged by the hospitals precisely because they can take the pressure off the staff-get food, escort to toilet etc and that's WRONG. As long as hospitals are relying on random helpers nothing will change on post natal wards.
The whole system needs a change, and we need to go back to properly staffed, properly clean wards with strict visiting hours and real care and and support for women and babies (and yes, birth I'm afraid, is about women and babies, not "fathers rights". Fathers are important, a little later. Only women give birth)
I don't care if your husband is your best friend, nurtured you in labour and ate the cocking afterbirth, to every other woman he is a random bloke.
If those of you who needed help and extra care post birth had been sure of getting it from HCPS, surely you would have been ok with sending hubby home for a few hours kip?

Those of you saying that the men don't need to be there are just plain sexist. It's as much of a big deal for the man as it is the woman.

I didn't notice my husband having a pph or major abdominal surgery. How sexist of me not to put his needs first.

Pineapple be warned some posters have waited ages so they could say fathers are lesser mortals of no consequence and that squeezing a baby out means you get to dictate to all new mothers and fathers.

@clucky3

It is as bad for the man. My partner didn't even get to say a word to me as I was rushed for an EMCS. He didn't know if he'd be leaving with me and DD, or perhaps none of us. I gave birth at half 11 at night and he had to leave as soon as I went into a bay, after being left to wake up and hold my baby for the first time in a fucking corridor.
I can't imagine how he felt having to leave, me crying and still being half out of it on drugs and a newborn baby he'd held once.

It only wasn't as bad for me as it was him because I was drugged up beyond belief. I didn't really realise what was happening until he had to leave.

Men, too, can find it hard. Get over yourself.

Perhaps we need to go back to the days when newborns spent their first night in a nursery so mums could get some sleep. I am so glad that when I had my babies there was no expectation that fathers stayed outside visiting hours...somehow we all managed, and we stayed in for at least 4 days. We helped each other..if someone was feeding one of us would bring back a meal. We kept an eye on each other’s babies while we went to the bathroom. Tbh it was bad enough at visiting time when the girl,opposite had teenage nephews visiting so we all had to pull our curtains as they were fixated on our boobs if we tried to feed. I can’t imagine being in a tiny ward barely big enough for patients and cribs and adding four men to the space.

If you want your partner there all night, pay for a private room so you get what you want but don’t affect those who don’t feel the same.

But they still won’t be allowed to stay, you often won’t know you need them and why should you pay because you are suffering more difficulties. No the ones that should pay are those who want 50% of the population banned from spending time with their newborn and ensuring their partners and babies get the care they need.

Absolutely not I recently had a baby and one of the other mums husband was on the ward snoring!!!!!! It drove me mad

I appreciate that it can be stressful for the father. I don't prioritise his needs in the few post partum days.