To think we don’t need partners staying overnight in the post natal ward

[Mammylamb]

If on a shared ward it would have been my idea of a nightmare. The lack of privacy. A midwife bursting in when my boobs were out. Someone pushing against the curtain when I was getting my catheter removed. It was horrible enough when there were other women about. Never mind any random men

www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/8981244/mum-debate-dads-stay-overnight-maternity-wards/?utm_medium=Social&utm_campaign=fabulousfacebook080919&utm_source=Facebook#Echobox=1567937417

And to those saying to pay for a private room, I tried. It costs 500 pounds a night where I was delivering...

If it was 50-80 pounds I certainly would’ve.. even though I stayed for a week. But I would’ve if it means having partner with me.

@clucky3

And why does other womens comfort rank above mine?? Or anyone else who wants their partners support? Why do I have to suffer?

So was I meant to ask the other women on my ward if they felt comfortable with my partner staying with me and our baby? And if they all said yes I was to tell him to leave? Wheres the fathers right in this? Or do they not matter? If they knew the hospitals allowed fathers to stay overnight and these women dont like it well then I'd suggest they pay for a private room or use a hospital that doesnt allow this to happen. No point in being upset about it and complaining after when you know full well there are going to be dads there. Also in my experience there were 3 other dads in the ward and not one of them did as much as looked at me the wrong way. They were all polite and friendly and I felt like my privacy was respected. While we are at it why dont we just ban any Male visitors then? I mean because a brother, uncle, grandfather visiting could make women fell uncomfortable too eh.

My visiting SIL commented that they had squeezed 6 beds into a four-bed bay and what a squash it was, so adding in male partners at night as well would be mean too many people and not enough room.

“Wheres the fathers right in this?“
In this context, they rightly have none.

It isn’t just about being sexually vulnerable to men though jealous. It’s about privacy and physically being vulnerable too . It’s about feeling safe. It’s about rooms being overcrowded .Its about keeping our dignity. It’s about being able to go to the toilet in a hospital gown without men seeing you . It’s not knowing who we are sharing rooms with overnight when all the lights go out and the doors are locked .

@DecomposingComposers

" I don't think HCAs particularly make a big impact on awards given for medical negligence, nor readmissions"

Do you have figures for that?

Will tackle the rest of your post later.

Also, volunteers receive some training and are DBS checked. Not comparable

Ghostontoast

A hospital that allows men staying overnight usually have the facility for that and the rules for that..

The chamber I was in, definately fit me and the baby and my husband on the chair. No one was bumping into anyone.

The hospital she was in didn’t have men and so not the room for it.

I mean they also had policy in place :

• not allowed to use toilets
• no food and drinks for dad
• no using pillows or hospital facilities
• dad attends to the baby not the midwife unless it’s a medical issue (which frees up midwives to look after the women).

So on...

Zazu that isn’t the point they are not staying in the room with them all night . We are not going to be forced to sleep next to the brother, uncle or grandad.

@theyvegotme

I have first hand experience of it having worked as a registered nurse in the NHS alongside HCAs.

In what way do you think HCAs reduce medical negligence claims? And how do they prevent readmissions? How common are readmissions for maternity care? How many medical negligence claims, in maternity care, arise from post natal wards?

I didn't make the claims that the costs of increased HCAs would be met by the corresponding reduction in readmissions, medical negligence claims and community midwifery (not sure how hospital HCAs affect midwifery care in the community either) so I think it's up to the person who made those claims to provide their evidence for them.

Even at £50 - £80 - you shouldn't have to pay - some people can't afford it - should their privacy/need for support be ignored. I think we need better maternity facilities - they were grossly inadequate when I gave birth - it sounds like that's common place now. I was put on a 24 hour fast after I came out of surgery - fast ended at 9:00pm - when I asked for food they said there was nothing for me to eat - maybe they could get me a packet of crisps from the vending machine - I was supposed to be feeding twins!!! Good job dh was there and there was a Sainsbury's down the road! They covered the high octane emergency stuff - but the care afterwards was appalling...no one deserves such poor care, it's amazing there aren't more fuck ups.

zazu the comments about banning male visitors completely is silly.

But if you were recovering from being raped, ptsd plus a high risk pregnancy and labour would you feel comfortable sharing your bedroom with many men? Good for you if so and lucky you to not have had horrible men there like some of us endured.

Until there are separate wards for those wanting partners and those not one group gets prioritised. That group will be the one who can take workload off of the staff.

Muted

I never had the doors be locked !!! The midwives were in and out throughout the night with medicine and checking. No doors were locked!

Its about keeping our dignity. It’s about being able to go to the toilet in a hospital gown without men seeing you

I think the solution to that is very easy. Most of us in our hospital bags have our own clothes.. or if you choose to stay in hospital gown, I had requested another one that I can wear on top as a cardigan to cover my backside.

I think both sides need to be ready to make those small compromises to meet somewhere reasonable. I think I can fairly request that compromise he made.

I understand the other issues you mentioned , but could it be that you are sampling only the Hospitla which already had a women only policy? Because in my experience some things you mentioned don’t apply to the hospital I am with which told us from the start it welcomed partners.my bay wasn’t overcrowded and I suspect if it really was they would’ve asked my DH to leave.

If it’s to a point where there are more patients than beds and so beds are shoved in bays they don’t belong to them that’s exceptional circumstances and partners can be told to go to the waiting area or something. I’m sure we can all understand
Exceptional circumstances.

But under usual conditions, the bay fits a bed and a cot and a big chair. And a curtain around that

Jealous I thought all ward doors are locked with a security entrance to stop people running out the door with babies. Or anyone could just walk into the maternity ward. The only way to get through the door and into the rest of the hospital was if a midwife buzzed the door open from the nurses desk and if you wanted in from outside the ward you had to press the button and speak to someone who confirmed who you were and buzzed you in. I thought that as standard on all maternity wards.

Sorry jealous I should have said yes my hospital was woman’s only. I think all hospitals in my country are the same as same sex wards are banned here

I thought you meant the door of the bay.

Well I haven’t experienced feeling vulnerable because of the door of the whole unit being locked. So can’t comment. It was locked but it didn’t bother me because I had my DH, and there were midwives and staff right Infront of my bay, receptionist, security workers close by.

But I can see how in other circumstances that would be scary.. wasn’t a threat for me at all though so can’t comment

Obviously if it was going to be men allowed on the ward then definately security should be increased. The idea of DBS checking partners isn’t s bad idea to be honest. Would’ve been fine with us completely. If it gives other women a feeling of safety.

50-80 a night is too much for us to afford but I would’ve saved up for it because I desperately want my DH there again. I’m willing to inconvenience myself financially if it means other women feel safe. I’m just not willing to compromise myself and child when we are so vulnerable medically and cognitively and I require serious care

I understand why some women would want their partner there if they were incapacitated to the point of being unable to look after their newborn. And the ward is very short staffed But it really has got to be exceptional circumstances and not the norm. And in a private room if at all possible

But they should not be there for general “bonding”.

“Where’s the fathers rights??!!” They have none in this circumstance

My hospital was women’s only wards: thank goodness.

But my dignity in someone opening the curtain when I was getting my catheter removed and when I was trying to establish breastfeeding was still compromised. Thankfully it was another female that saw it, and she was similarly incapacitated so it wasn’t the end of the world. But I would have been humiliated if her partner had seen

No point in being upset about it and complaining after when you know full well there are going to be dads there

Our hospital's policy changed between dc1 and dc2. I had no idea that I would be expected to share a ward with men overnight. It was "sprung" on me when I arrived on the ward. That is absolutely unacceptable especially given what it says in my medical notes. By the time they came to tell me I'd got a private room, I was already packed and upset. Dc2 was about 7 hours old and born by emergency section. In no circumstances should a woman need to walk out of hospital with her newborn 7 hours after surgery because she doesn't feel safe.

It is no different having men on wards at night than day. Night and day are fluid when you’ve had a baby. For some new mothers night is their day and vice versa. Ban nights you need to ban days and frankly if you want that you book a private room. Although ridiculously when I had my twins and a private room my dp wasn’t allowed to stay even then due to “religious reasons of other mothers”. This caused me to go without meals, huge distress, breakdown of breast feeding, exhaustion and me to discharge myself earlier than I should have.

I think the needs of women in child and post birth are the priority.

These threads pop up every once in a while . You will always get some people saying how it helped them. However for women I think it is important to have a space for them to recover from child birth .

When I was a child parents were only allowed in wards at visiting times. Now you are needed there to care for your dc’s care needs.

And if I’m honest, I think all visitors should be kept to an absolute minimum. Probably partners only if possible.

Mammy, then your hospital had serious issue with lack of privacy.

I cannot imagine having my curtain open when catheter being removed. That’s appalling.

I have not experienced anyone opening my curtain except midwives and usually they asked before they did. But maybe I was lucky in that sense.

Definitely dignity should be respected.

There is obviously more campaigning needed for postnatal wards but we really need to start with the issues that are of benefit to everyone.

I think 30 percent of women think they really need their Partners. It’s not too exceptional. It’s Definitely not just about the bonding.

But issues like privacy and dignity by not allowing “open curtain” policy or by not leaving curtains open behind midwives or by not making it easy for people to be confused and other people’s wards, these are easy to get everyone to agree on and perhaps we should start with that!

Jealous sounds like you have a fantastic hospital. Load of people on here saying that they needed their partners cause they couldn’t get any staff to help them at night. As they were so understaffed. But if you hadn’t receptionist ,security and a lot of midwifes outside your room all night I would feel safe too. Unfortunately I didn’t see any security and the receptionist only worked during the day. So at night it was a ghost town. As the midwifes were always in other people’s rooms and you had to press the buzzer to get them . Lots of luck for your new arrival congratulations

I would not want to be on a post natal, or any ward for that matter, with strange men. Your are at your most vunerable post birth or surgery, physically and mentally.
I can understand why some women might want their partners with them and there should be separate wards to facilitate this. No women should be forced to share though.