To think we don’t need partners staying overnight in the post natal ward

[Mammylamb]

If on a shared ward it would have been my idea of a nightmare. The lack of privacy. A midwife bursting in when my boobs were out. Someone pushing against the curtain when I was getting my catheter removed. It was horrible enough when there were other women about. Never mind any random men

www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/8981244/mum-debate-dads-stay-overnight-maternity-wards/?utm_medium=Social&utm_campaign=fabulousfacebook080919&utm_source=Facebook#Echobox=1567937417

God no. I hated men being on the ward at all hours after I gave birth. They gawked at me thru the gaps in the curtains as I breastfed, I leaked blood all over the bed and my nightie and they peered at that, and the woman in the bed next to me went off to smoke outside whilst he stayed to look after the baby, and while she was gone, he got on the phone to whisper sweet nothings and placate the other woman he was obviously having an affair with. If I’d had to deal with that 24/7 I’d have gone round the bend.

But then what about the needs of those women who's health and the health of their babies would've been in jeopardy without their partner?
Precisely. I'm in one of the groups who has a high risk of maternal death. I needed my partner with me while in hospital so he could keep an eye on my treatment. After my booking appointment where the midwife was rude and gave me poor health advice which led to extra work for one of my GPs, he came with me to every hospital appointment and there were no further incidents.

With DS I was offered paracetamol every day. I had nurses coming up to me constantly saying I must need pain relief. They had it in their hands to give to me.

Every time I said no thank you and explained why. Didn't stop the next moron from offering it.

I have a deadly allergy to paracetamol that was all over my notes.

I was exhausted and stressed out. If I were anymore incapacitated I very well may have agreed to anything offered.

On the upside if I had and survived I'd probably have been able to sue for a pretty sweet number.

Some women need their partners there to advocate for them.

@Contraceptionismyfriend very VERY rarely

@Zebraaa and what about those who come away with trauma or injury? Childbirth is a major trauma on the body. It's plain pig headed to shrug it off and tell women to put up with it because so many others do it.
Women die, women have life changing injuries, babies die.

If your health is in jeopardy without your partner, that is a failing in the hospital system to be addressed.

It's a big no from me.

Zebraaa, so that makes it ok?

Implying women are snowflakes because they want adequate support after childbirth is extremely callous. And I DON'T want men let on the wards at all hours, just proper care from HCPs.

If you want your husband there look into a home birth.

what a great solution, why not having your emergency c-section at home instead of making a nuisance of yourself in hospital.

Gosh some people are so selfish and ridiculous.

I also love that ridiculous nonsense: wards cannot have visitors at night because people need to sleep. ON A POSTNATAL ward!

Because babies are only born between 8 am and 8pm, and newborn do sleep through the night when they are in hospital. Of course they do. Noise from visitors would only be an issue at night, no new mother in the world ever would need to sleep during the day.

The amount of utter nonsense on this thread is astonishing.

@FrauHaribo no the solution is better care. But that's not happening.

So partners are being used instead. So if a person can not cope with men on the ward it's down to them to make it comfortable for themselves. Because if a ward allows partners. They're not going to ban them on a persons demands.

So research hospitals that have private rooms etc.

It is not selfish and ridiculous to not want blokes in the maternity ward at all hours.

Or to suggest a home birth! I would advocate a home birth to anyone as mine were hugely postive experiences BUT I was 20 mins from a hospital if I had needed one. Which I didn't, despite having a traumatic birth first time around with lots of intervention.

If the idea of anyone saying their home birth was a positive experience that they would recommend triggers or offends you, do scroll on by.

"If you want your husband there look into a home birth.

what a great solution, why not having your emergency c-section at home instead of making a nuisance of yourself in hospital.

Gosh some people are so selfish and ridiculous."
Oh yes, of course I'm suggesting that you have a caesarean at home. ( That's on my next birth plan! ) Far more "selfish and ridiculous" to expect a ward of recovering women to sleep in close proximity to chattering male strangers.

yes the solution is private rooms!

So research hospitals that have private rooms etc.
So the only solution is to go private? Fabulous.

Going to a NHS hospitals with a few private rooms doesn't mean you will be lucky enough to get one! Not many people would be on the wards otherwise.

@FrauHaribo

You've nailed it, tbh.

Housewife2010

Far more "selfish and ridiculous" to expect a ward of recovering women to sleep in close proximity to chattering male strangers.

oh, so you want to ban visitors completely! I don't agree, but I understand better your point. No, it doesn't work either though.

No the solution unfortunately is better maternity care.
Now let's all take a moment to piss ourselves laughing.

Because it's not happening anytime soon.

So the other option unfortunately is to suck it up.

Because the NHS aren't going to boot out their free assistants who cover their gaps in care.

FrauHaribo noise from visitors IS an issue during the day. I was there three days with my first baby and it was utter utter hell because she fed all night and it was raucously noisy all day. We do actually need some time to rest and recover, you can't expect new mothers to just not sleep at all. Some quiet-ish time is better than none.

So the other option unfortunately is to suck it up.

it's because women have sucked it up and accepted the unacceptable for years that we are in this mess.

"10:48FrauHaribo

Housewife2010

Far more "selfish and ridiculous" to expect a ward of recovering women to sleep in close proximity to chattering male strangers.

oh, so you want to ban visitors completely! I don't agree, but I understand better your point. No, it doesn't work either though."
I would ban overnight visitors. The dark quieter ward at night is very different than during the day.

FrauHaribo

No, why don't you fuck off.

If you have issues relating to your emergency section I suggest you try therapy, rather than berating women who are totally at liberty to describe their births as positive.

And if you must know, my first birth was horrendous and we both nearly died, so you don't have the monopoly on that I'm afraid.

So what is the solution? The NHS has been criticised for years. Drs have been on strike. Parts of it are being sold off.

It's in the pits. Based on my past experience every time I've now gone into hospital to have a baby the only people I'm concerned for are me and my baby.
My comfort, my needs, my health and the same for my baby.

It is every woman for themselves.

Everything BarbraStrozzi said at 10 30.

Also-it's not about who deserves their partner there and who deserves sympathy because of sexual abuse.
I'm not a rape survivor. I'm not traumatised. I don't want men on wards all night because I don't. Because of dignity, privacy, peace, safety for other women. I don't need a better reason than that.
And seriously, I don't mean to sound unsympathetic but THIS?:
I didn't need an overnight stay, but if I did, who was going to look after the baby at night? Who was going to change his nappies? Certainly not me - I had just given birth after 24 hours of labour and nearly 40 hours without sleep. My job at the time was to Rest and Sleep. Therefore, YABU. There's absolutely no way I would have lifted a finger to do anything but feed.
Christ. I mean, you and everyone else there love! I know it's the thing now for women to declare themselves unable to lift a finger after a perfectly ordinary birth but really. It's not like someone was asking you to strap the baby on and carry on working in the fields!
Look, I can appreciate that it's easier for many women to have their partners there. Especially if they have suffered a previous loss or trauma. I get it. In those truly special cases a private room is the right thing. Everyone else, and particularly on the filthy overcrowded corridor that passed for a post natal ward where I was, it's really not on to have men there ALL NIGHT.
And people keep saying "well we need more midwives but we won't get them so.." No, we won't as long as hospitals know that random men are picking up the slack.

I know a mother who lost her baby girl because she had a home birth 15 minutes away from a hospital and that was too far to save the baby

And I know four mothers who had uneventful home births with healthy babies.

*It's in the pits. Based on my past experience every time I've now gone into hospital to have a baby the only people I'm concerned for are me and my baby.
My comfort, my needs, my health and the same for my baby.

It is every woman for themselves*

It really is. I think nowadays the care is so dreadful you have to fight for what you want and if that offends someone else, then tough tbh. I certainly know next time I won't be half as considerate. They weren't for me, so I won't be for them. A lesson learned. Nice guys really do finish last.