To think that it is up to me what I do when my child in swimming lesson.

[swimmingmum6]

My children have swimming lessons at a lovely local swim school. The groups are small. Teacher is with 3-4 children in pool, parents poolside but not involved in lesson. I enjoy watching but also chatting to the other parents and answering the odd email so that I don't have to do it when my children are in bed, or when I'm properly with them.

Just had this posted on Facebook page. AIBU to dislike the tone? I'm not glued to my phone, look up and encourage frequently but I am also a working mum who gets little space in the daytime and reserve the right to catch up with a couple of emails while my child is in the pool supervised and learning.

The post reads:
Recently I have noticed a sharp increase in the use of mobile phones and tablets on poolside during our lessons.

Understanding how busy our lives are parents can be, I would like to trial our poolsides as ‘Digital free’ zones.

I would like to give you all permission to step out of your hectic day whilst your child is swimming with us by turning your phone off or onto silent.

It is wonderful to see a child encouraged and supported by their parent/Carer poolside when they have achieved something new or master a skill they have been working on. These shared experiences will create memories of their precious early years.

I am hoping by giving you permission to delay writing that email or text will enable you to relax, focus on quality time with your child and create a closer ** (name of swimschool) Community!

If you have a sibling waiting for their lesson or their brother/sister why not encourage them to watch, pick up additional teaching points or bring a book or homework to do.

Should you have a pressing matter to attend to or need to make an urgent call, please may I ask you to step out of the pool to do this when swimming with us.

I would appreciate your thoughts on this idea, so please do respond to this post with a 👍🏼 or ❤️ or comment below.

With much love and many thanks,
(Name of swimschool teacher)

What do you think?

I think it's quite nice actually. My children love it if I'm watching them and encouraging them. My son has told me how much he hated it when he did something in his lesson then looked to me for a thumbs up and I was looking down at my phone (also a v busy working Mum) so I try not to do that anymore unless I'm on call and I have no choice.

Surprised they’ve let you have phones poolside up to now. Very big potential child protection issue!

My response would be “I’m paying for swimming lessons not parenting advice, I’m sure as parents we don’t need to be told how to appreciate our children. Phones can be on silent however I feel the teachers focus should be on the students, not on the parents”

I think it’s very nicely worded, given how she probably feels.

As a swimming Teacher myself, I don’t believe in this... All I ask is that you are there for when they need to go to the toilet. Otherwise I am completely fine with you having 5 minutes to yourself; and as a mum I know getting that 5 minutes can be hard. I understand no phones if you’re taking photos and stuff because of Safeguarding, but other than that, you do you momma 👍

I used to find it best to wander off as I put them off at a certain age lol!

I think the tone is patronising, but I can understand it. I was watching my daughters lesson a few days ago and counted 14 of 20 parents glued to their phones. Some did not appear to even glance up. I thought about my little girl and how proud she is when she looks up to see me watching and it did make me feel sad. And yet at the same time, I know as parents we are trying to cram so much into so little time. It's a difficult issue.

Dear Patronising Bitch,

Thank you for your concern. However, as an independent adult, I do not require your ‘permission’ to step away from my phone. What I DO require is for you to provide the service I am paying you for, which is teaching my children to swim. I would suggest you concentrate on this, as per the terms of your employment, and leave my relationship with my children to me. There is a reason I do not act as a parent to your children. For the same reason, stick to swimming.

Yours etc.

(You might want to address her by name as simply imply ‘patronising bitch’, but otherwise I think I’ve said it all.

With teacher on this one... I think by even mentioning this on here you maybe feel this is reasonable request.... Nothing better than what you have undertaken for your child as swimming is a life skill we should all have, and I am sure when your child looks up to see you and smiling at you it is worth the minimal effort!

I learned to swim over 30 years ago when mobile phones were a yuppie luxury. Parents were not allowed poolside. I remember this worrying my mother for lesson one, but once she saw I was fine, so was she. Many years on, I’m both a strong swimmer and close to my mother. Somehow we got through the experience without long-term trauma.

At every single lesson / practice/ game I’ve been to, 99.99% of parents are scrolling through social media and not sending a life or death work email. There’s a reason she sent the message. It’s not going to kill anyone to put their phone away for 30 mins 🤷‍♀️

Who said it’s going to kill anyone? The point is, the sanctimonious, nosy cow stick her oar in when she should be doing her job - teaching swimming! It doesn’t matter if the parent is sending a vital email or browsing the sidebar of shame - it’s none of her damn business.

Sounds fine. Is there not a risk of illicit photos if phones are allowed at a poolside. I haven't seen anyone with a phone recently, a kindle yes, sitting reading having a coffee. For the few mins a lesson lasts wouldn't do us any harm to keep the phone off.

Yet again, the point is missed. ‘No phones due to safeguarding issues’ is fine. ‘No phones because we’ve decided how you should parent your own children’ is not.

Brilliant letter @StillCoughingandLaughing! 😂👍🏻

What do parents with younger siblings do? Are they allowed to look after the non-swimming sibling or would that be a distraction from supporting the swimmer.

Honestly, it all seems a bit wanky to me. But my DCs swim school did not allow parents poolside at all so the whole idea of cheering on your child when they are supposed to be focusing on the lesson seems very alien. Akin to waving encouragingly at your child through the classroom window in support of a maths lesson.

Smug, patronising letter id bin and ignore

**I think you're lucky that someone else is teaching your kid to swim and if you can abdicate responsibility for that to them, then why shouldn't you check your mobile, paint your nails or whatever.

Well... Your kid might want you to be more involved. Learning to swim is a big thing for a kid. What if they actually manage it and you missed it? You may just think "tick in the box" but what about your kid, who knows you didn't see it or care enough to watch?

I taught my daughter to swim and it took a couple of years and lots of trips to the pool. School didn't help much and mum didn't help at all. However, she's now diving in the deep end, surfing confidently on holiday and she won't drown if she falls in a canal.

I think you're missing out on an opportunity to be a good parent to your kid and the rewards that your attitude will deny you. They will remember the moment. You will not.

Get in with your kid and do your bit to teach them. Believe me, it's well worth the investment in your time and effort.**

Want a medal?
Just as patronising and smug as the letter in the op
Swimming lessons are not the only way to be a good parent you know. I can think of many ways to be a good parent that don't involve swimming
Sucks your kids school was pretty crap at teaching swimming, dd school does a great job, they give the kids the confidence to swim and not need mum or dad holding their hand every step, you know independence.

An excellent series of posts stillcoughing!

Posters saying that their DC said they’d been (or would be) disappointed

Many DC do or probably would enjoy a parent watching them do activities, every time, and providing immediate positive reinforcement if/ when DC looks up.

Doing this every time is difficult for many of us. And is it actually good for DC?

I don’t think so. At school and then in teen and adult life we don’t often have a devoted audience on tap!

I've been thinking about why this got to me so much. I'm struggling at the moment. If I were wanting to put a label on it, I'd say I've hit a bit (a lot!) of parental burnout. I'm irritated a lot, struggling to see the joy and just getting through the day. In theory, I should be connecting more with my kids and this digital detox should help.

But actually, it's making something I kind of felt happy about-is chosen a great swim school, my child loves lessons, I get a bit of a switch off-into another pressure for me to do this right.

I would love to be all singing and dancing, joyous at everything my child does, living in the moment. But the truth is, I'm not. And extra pressure to make memories and not waste their precious childhood doesn't help. I don't need the swimming teacher to understand. As lovely as she is, she's not my friend and I wouldn't expect anything beyond swimming teaching. I just wish she'd leave well alone and get on with teaching swimming.

I can't feed that back. I don't want to. It's none of her business. She can't "improve" everyone's parenting or solve the things that have made their parenting harder. Nor does she have to. Teach swimming. With the lovely warmth and skill that she does. And, incidentally, that I pay a good whack of money for. That's all.

@swimmingmum6 you’re clearly a very self aware, caring parent. Unwanted and unhelpful (and smug, patronising, insensitive) ‘help’ like that note just shows that not everyone carries that level of self awareness!

Sorry it made you feel bad, but it sounds like you’re doing a grand job.

Definitely patronising however I can see the point. The teacher probably sees the children looking towards there parents for encouragement/praise etc only to find then staring at their phone. Think of the message it sends...'mummy is here but more interested in her phone than the effort you're making'.

I'm a teacher, and I know it would be really disappointing to see parents on their phones while their child was infront of them trying to learn and achieve something.

Obviously it's up to you if you want to use your phone but I think the teacher is right to point out the issue and benefits of putting it away.

@squeekums

I get it. Swimming lessons are important. My own DD did 8 years of them. Her dad also did plenty of working with her separately. After she was in the class where a parent was not in the pool, (around 3 ish), she was busy making friends and enjoying some independence. An occasional eye contact was just fine for her.

Surely you see that some DCs have totally different ‘encouragement’ requirements and no, having a parent watch every minute of a lesson is not for every DC.

I don’t sit in on the other lessons she gets either between the occasional maths tutoring, various instruments, dancing, sports and art. But we always talk to her about each and every session and watch endless concerts (school and private) etc.

I think that blanket statements that make parents feel that they are not doing enough are totally inappropriate.

BTW - DD13 doesn’t remember whether I watched her in every swimming lesson but has said she never once felt unsupported.

Also to add, try not to take it personally. The teacher would only be raising it as an issue if lots of parents were doing it - probably in lots of her lessons - maybe it's getting a bit too obvious from pool. I am surprised they are not banned from a safeguarding perspective anyway.

@swimmingmum6

Don’t take the swimming teacher’s note to heart. Truly depends on the DC and the teaching environment. If this is the only activity you take them to, fine to watch and encourage. You having a mental break or catching up work (giving you time to focus on them later) is often just as important. While the intent of what the teacher said was great, the tone was not.

So Sorry @squeekums. I am in agreeance with you and answering the post you are referring to.