To think that it is up to me what I do when my child in swimming lesson.

[swimmingmum6]

My children have swimming lessons at a lovely local swim school. The groups are small. Teacher is with 3-4 children in pool, parents poolside but not involved in lesson. I enjoy watching but also chatting to the other parents and answering the odd email so that I don't have to do it when my children are in bed, or when I'm properly with them.

Just had this posted on Facebook page. AIBU to dislike the tone? I'm not glued to my phone, look up and encourage frequently but I am also a working mum who gets little space in the daytime and reserve the right to catch up with a couple of emails while my child is in the pool supervised and learning.

The post reads:
Recently I have noticed a sharp increase in the use of mobile phones and tablets on poolside during our lessons.

Understanding how busy our lives are parents can be, I would like to trial our poolsides as ‘Digital free’ zones.

I would like to give you all permission to step out of your hectic day whilst your child is swimming with us by turning your phone off or onto silent.

It is wonderful to see a child encouraged and supported by their parent/Carer poolside when they have achieved something new or master a skill they have been working on. These shared experiences will create memories of their precious early years.

I am hoping by giving you permission to delay writing that email or text will enable you to relax, focus on quality time with your child and create a closer ** (name of swimschool) Community!

If you have a sibling waiting for their lesson or their brother/sister why not encourage them to watch, pick up additional teaching points or bring a book or homework to do.

Should you have a pressing matter to attend to or need to make an urgent call, please may I ask you to step out of the pool to do this when swimming with us.

I would appreciate your thoughts on this idea, so please do respond to this post with a 👍🏼 or ❤️ or comment below.

With much love and many thanks,
(Name of swimschool teacher)

What do you think?

I used to go to sleep during my kids swimming lessons

Well said Brassica

Ugh. This is the downside of the “making memories” era.

I’d decline to be a supporting role in someone else’s ideal.

Spot on. Leave technology at the door and focus on your children. They will have grown up and left home before you know it

I think you're missing out on an opportunity to be a good parent to your kid and the rewards that your attitude will deny you. They will remember the moment. You will not.

Neither of my parents ever attended my swimming lessons, nor did they ever once take me swimming. I don't remember the moment I first mastered swimming. It has never once occurred to me that I should resent my parents for this.

I don't think kids remember half the stuff that people make a huge deal of. That's not to say we shouldn't be proud of them but making a big deal of stuff is for the benefit of the parents, not the child.

Our pool has no phones poolside due to pictures so I get that and I'm happy to comply but the tone of the email does sound a wee bit patronising and it would get my back up too.
I sat by the pool for 3 & 1/2 years of swimming lessons then I had DS2 and decided that it was better to keep him occupied by going swimming with him instead so I paid zero attention to DS1s lessons after that because I was in the other pool
DS1 has finished lessons now but when DS2 starts (in a few weeks) - I will watch to start off but after he's settled I'm going swimming on my own as it will be the only chance I get to do it.

Switching to silent - fair enough.

But what you do sat poolside when your child swims is no ones business.

My ds did lessons and now is a competitive swimmer.

Never a more ideal time than planning, marking, emailing, studying etc.

Swim meets are full of parents getting ahead on work!

I have just asked my 11yo DS if he remembered when I stopped watching him at swimming lessons and did he mind.... nope and nope was the answer.

Swim teacher sounds an utter dick.

Can see their point... daughter did all this stuff 20odd years ago and ended up doing competitive swimming which she excelled at but gave up when other things became more important. During those years we
( parents (usually me on my own as husband was heavily into playing cricket several times a week)who delivered them to sessions were always pro active to watch them and what they managed to accomplish little or small) suppose it was the time before the big phone thing! Guess it’s become another place where you dump them and turn off to do your own thing! Pretty sad really........

After the first few weeks watching every minute of swimming lessons every week is boring as hell.

Whenever ds was at lessons I was lucky there was usually another parent I recognised and we would have a wee chat. If not id play on my phone.

I think you and all the other parents should compete for the front row in the viewing area and all actively shout encouragement and constructive criticism to the pupils and teacher.

Our pool had a rule that parents had to be poolside when the kids were younger (in case they needed to be accompanied to the toilet midlesson). If they' have told me what to do in that time they'd have been told to fuck off I tend to knit-- In any case I wouldn't have been able to see much more than a coloured swim hat bobbing about in the water.

Patronising. No camera-equipped devices sure. Quality time? Hardly.

Similar scenario recently in Ireland where a football club banned phones from sidelines because parents weren’t watching their kids during training/matches.

Created huge debate including national media attention and item on most listened to national radio programme during evening commuting time.

Psychotherapist interviewed on the radio show said that children need to understand that it’s very boring for mum & dad to watch them play football etc & parents should explain this to their children. Essentially, she said, kids need to be told that their parents have better things to do than watch them dance/sing/play sports etc.!

This view created even more attention!

I'm unclear why mobile phones would be allowed in a pool / sports venue. I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect that if the lessons require parental presence then those parents should not be zoning out.

Good for them - I'm surprised they were so polite. Maybe they felt they needed to take that tone because of the aggression some parents show when it is pointed out to them that watching and encouraging their children (and chatting about their progress later and maybe reporting to the other parent how well the child is doing) is a great way for children to gain confidence.

We parents had to sit on the balconies when mine had lessons. Very few of the children in the pool did more than an occasional glance at parents, simply because we were too far for them to spot us. Teachers were very firm about making sure no parents were poolside, we had to sit on the balconies.

I used to read or do crochet (didn't have a smartphone then), with an eye on what my DC were doing, but I wouldn't just sit there and watch, too boring. My DC had my attention when it mattered, at times when we were properly together.

This message is so patronising. You can't have any form of quality time with a DC in lessons, or they won't be paying attention to the teacher. That would be a waste of money. And I see no reason why people can't do what they like on phones.

If the intention was that phones were banned for safeguarding and to avoid distraction, fine, they should have owned it. But coming out with this bollocks, not fine.

Maybe they felt they needed to take that tone because of the aggression some parents show when it is pointed out to them that watching and encouraging their children (and chatting about their progress later and maybe reporting to the other parent how well the child is doing) is a great way for children to gain confidence

You do know it’s perfectly possible to watch your child and then be using your phone in the times they’re not actually doing the lesson....unless your child is in a one on one lesson, then there are times they’ll not be swimming.

It's odd because all swim schools I've known have actively encouraged parents not to engage as a) it distracts children and b) you are not the teacher!

Our beginner classes the parents are behind glass whilst kids are in teaching pool.
Bigger pool has seating at the side but it's a spectators area.

My ds is a competitive swimmer. That's 10 hours a week I get to work, go to gym, chat, email etc. And a lot of time I don't have to actively engage in him as I lay someone else to do it

If I was poolside I'd be doing everything in my power to stop myself from gagging. I hate swimming and indoor pools. DH takes our DC. He likes it. Because he can sit in peace for 30 mins on his phone.

I totally get the intrusion of technology but it doesn't automatically make you a shit parent.

Sorry, but I’ve never been a perfect parent, having to work full time because we needed the money but really glad I had that feeling of wanting to be there when I could and to try and monitor stuff that happened as best as I could..... you only get one shot at doing the parent/ loving them doing your best for them.....golden moments not to be missed because your phone /media was more important

Suewoo The swim teacher can't tell if the parent is watching or not, it's easy enough to just move your eyes around. Teacher also knows nothing about whether the parents are "chatting about their progress later and maybe reporting to the other parent how well the child is doing". How can they, when that takes place away from the pool?

I was perfectly able to do my crochet or read, and still have a good grasp on what my DC were doing. I chatted with my DC just fine about their lessons, just not at the poolside.

So glad mine are late teens now, no lessons needed.

How patronising.
The way my local pool is set up my kids couldn't even see if I was watching them anyway except if you sit in particular spots. If they are jumping/ diving in and near that spot I make sure to watch them otherwise I might look a few times if I can see them but staring at them all lesson is just weird.
In fact I've studied for and written half of my coursework for my master's at the swimming pool, I would have cracked under the pressure if I hadn't had those extra few hours to do it and then I wouldn't have been a good parent able to make the #memories that I seem to be obliged to constantly make and prove I've done to the world including swimming teachers now!!!

Sue woo - is it really the place of a swimming teacher to lecture parents in this way.

A parent may be working, or may have spent all day with the kids and this is a short break.

I can see where the snowflake generation is come from. Kids have the undivided attention of a swimming teacher - do they really need daddy or mummy to cheer on every moment. What does this swimming teacher thinks happens in school.

By all means behave how you want at a swimming lesson, but unless another parent is disrupting the lesson who are you to judge them based on half an hour?

I don't usually watch the lesson its self just let them get on with it and usually have 30 minutes hanging out in the cafe. I've had one or two comments but couldn't care less.