To think that it is up to me what I do when my child in swimming lesson.

[swimmingmum6]

My children have swimming lessons at a lovely local swim school. The groups are small. Teacher is with 3-4 children in pool, parents poolside but not involved in lesson. I enjoy watching but also chatting to the other parents and answering the odd email so that I don't have to do it when my children are in bed, or when I'm properly with them.

Just had this posted on Facebook page. AIBU to dislike the tone? I'm not glued to my phone, look up and encourage frequently but I am also a working mum who gets little space in the daytime and reserve the right to catch up with a couple of emails while my child is in the pool supervised and learning.

The post reads:
Recently I have noticed a sharp increase in the use of mobile phones and tablets on poolside during our lessons.

Understanding how busy our lives are parents can be, I would like to trial our poolsides as ‘Digital free’ zones.

I would like to give you all permission to step out of your hectic day whilst your child is swimming with us by turning your phone off or onto silent.

It is wonderful to see a child encouraged and supported by their parent/Carer poolside when they have achieved something new or master a skill they have been working on. These shared experiences will create memories of their precious early years.

I am hoping by giving you permission to delay writing that email or text will enable you to relax, focus on quality time with your child and create a closer ** (name of swimschool) Community!

If you have a sibling waiting for their lesson or their brother/sister why not encourage them to watch, pick up additional teaching points or bring a book or homework to do.

Should you have a pressing matter to attend to or need to make an urgent call, please may I ask you to step out of the pool to do this when swimming with us.

I would appreciate your thoughts on this idea, so please do respond to this post with a 👍🏼 or ❤️ or comment below.

With much love and many thanks,
(Name of swimschool teacher)

What do you think?

If your child was having a music lesson, would you be expected to stay and watch and join in? No. They can chuff off, that would get right on my norks. X

They are joking!!!!!! Seriously swimming lessons are so godamm boring. God it takes me all my time not to smuggle in a small bottle of wine to pass the time!!!!!

I'd be annoyed too. My time is so valuable I"m often trying to do my personal admin type stuff ON THE BUS and if my children were swimming I'd consider it free time.

I don't know if I'd bother responding to it. Don't get in to a debate. Just pretend you didn't see it! Afterall, you're not on social media that often, :D

I agree with the majority: well intentioned but patronising.

Respond in the comments section stating the above and point out that your child attends the lesson to learn a life saving life skill not to spend "quality time" with you because 1) you already have quality time at other points in your week and 2) you would rather your child was spending that time paying attention to their lesson than you.

I agree the lesson is not long but if it frees you up to spend actual quality time when you get home you are justified in answering a few emails.

I know it's not the same thing but my daughter dances on a Saturday in Covent Garden (it's not as expensive as it sounds BTW) and I leave her there to dance at various classes for 3 hours. Many think I'm bonkers getting on a train to London every Saturday but it's as much for my benefit as hers.

Like most working mums I'm beyond busy and I'm never alone. This way I get 3 hours every week where I'm completely in my own company and I love it. I can't tell you what it means to me.

It's all well and good saying: it's only half an hour/ an hour but that short period of time can be everything to you if it's all the time you get to yourself..... some of you need to remember that and keep your judgement to yourself.

Eh? Shouldn't s/he be concentrating on teaching the kids rather than watching the parents? My 7yr old goes to private lessons once a week and I'm on my phone I'd say 50% of it doing the weekly food shop/browsing course details and sometimes yeah I browse crap to take my mind of how bloody hectic and depressing life is - whilst his teacher teaches him!

I pay a lot for it too as I'm sure you do. That's very out of order imo you shouldn't have to sit watching them every second! infact it's pretty needy by the teacher - seems she wants an audience!

I can see why they wouldn’t want phones poolside due to children’s privacy so personally if I needed to catch up on things I would sit in the cafe or car

I think you're lucky that someone else is teaching your kid to swim and if you can abdicate responsibility for that to them, then why shouldn't you check your mobile, paint your nails or whatever.

Well... Your kid might want you to be more involved. Learning to swim is a big thing for a kid. What if they actually manage it and you missed it? You may just think "tick in the box" but what about your kid, who knows you didn't see it or care enough to watch?

I taught my daughter to swim and it took a couple of years and lots of trips to the pool. School didn't help much and mum didn't help at all. However, she's now diving in the deep end, surfing confidently on holiday and she won't drown if she falls in a canal.

I think you're missing out on an opportunity to be a good parent to your kid and the rewards that your attitude will deny you. They will remember the moment. You will not.

Get in with your kid and do your bit to teach them. Believe me, it's well worth the investment in your time and effort.

Don’t like that. We watch from an upstairs balcony. I often take work with me. Doing an masters and it’s amazing how much reading you can get done in half an hour. As a single parent I grab as much time as I can. I have to sit through a 1 hour gymnastics session too as my youngest isn’t old enough to be ‘left’ - apparently for beginners they have to be 8 at their club for insurance. I’m often found with my laptop getting some work done on the latest essay.!

I would response: thank you for your suggestion. I totally understand banning technology from the poolside if it is a safeguarding issue or if the sound of it being used (eg ringing, message tones, taking calls, music) is distracting to the pupils and you. However, if these issues aren’t the reason for your suggestion, I don’t agree that parents cannot use their phones or tablets as it is often a valuable time for us to catch up on correspondence, appointments, etc. My child/ren’s lessons are important to me and I can easily see their progression but do not need to have my focus trained solely on them.

As you are just looking feedback at this point, I would be very keen that the results of your survey be shared with us so we get a better understanding of the agreed actions before they’re implemented.

The probably sounds formal and if I were responding I’d probably change my own wording a hundred times before sending, but my intentions would be the same.

God that was even more irritating than the original request MySprogsDad, sorry to be blunt.

Paying a qualified teacher to teach your kid is a different thing from going swimming with your kid. I'm sure most of us do that, and pass on our varying levels of expertise accordingly. But if you're not that great a swimmer or not particularly good at communicating your knowledge, swimming lessons are great. They also engender independence.

Watching them is tedious and doesn't help with the independence part. It is OK to not hang on your kid's every move.

Jesus fucking hell. Tell them to piss off.

Kids don't need a fucking cheer squad engaging in every sodding minute of their lives. Parents need time to switch off too, and if that means not giving the kids 100% attention during a 30 minute swimming lession that is perfectly fine to any sane individual.

Get in with your kid and do your bit to teach them. Believe me, it's well worth the investment in your time and effort

Yes but not in the middle of a flamin lesson which is what this AIBU is all about

Whilst coming from a good place it is very patronising.

Also whether you are reading a book or looking at something on your phone, you aren't looking at your child. So the effect is the same, using a phone is just looked down on in a way reading a book isn't.

I'd carry on doing whatever you feel you would like to during the time whether that is watching, chatting, reading or replying to emails. There isn't a policy in place in response to safeguarding so she can't force you to do anything.

I'd immediately feel guilty if I received this. I'd then proceed to beat myself up imagining moments when I didn't see DC turning happily to see me watch their little successes. I suppose the teacher must see the children turn a lot to seek parental pride only to see themselves not being noticed. It's perhaps better not to even be poolside! If my DC went to swimming lessons, I'd want this teacher, I think...

I'm sorry but I agree and think YABU. We went on holiday recently and the pool at the holiday park was used for children's swimming lessons and I found it really depressing looking at all the parents on their phones at the poolside while they're children were in front of them learning a skill. I also was under the impression phones (cameras) weren't allowed at swimming pools and found it unnerving that one of them could be a weirdo taking pictures of people in the pool for goodness knows what reasons. If it's so important to use your phone during their swimming lesson then why not go outside the pool area like the teacher suggested.

I used to really enjoy watching my daughter learn to swim, but each to their own. I did not go every week as shared it with my ex-husband. Maybe had I gone every week it would have started to grate on my nerves. I did see plenty of people on phones, but for me I wanted to encourage her so that when she looked up for approval she could see me giving her a smile or a thumbs up or whatever. I understand that the swimming teacher is trying to do what is best for the child, but that email is rather patronising. Some people are busy and need to get things done.

I do think however that you should have a few lessons where you are solely focused on your child though.

Most swim teachers I know prefer parents not to watch. Swimming coaches definitely prefer it (I am / was a swim parent for many many years). I agree loud phone conversations can be distracting to lessons but otherwise unless I’m taking pictures (safeguarding issues) why on earth should the swim teacher care if I’m on my phone? Swimming lessons are not quality time for parents and children to share FGS.

😂😂😂 Pass-agg city central. I don't mind the sentiment but just say 'No mobiles or laptops poolside please.' I love stuff like this because I find it funny but I can understand that others don't 😬

MySprogsDad I hope you didn't miss your daughter's first step? Or first poo in the potty? I hope you were a stay at home dad who didn't miss her first word, first sentence, first joke, first friendship, first time she fed the ducks, first time she climbed the climbing frame? I hope you taght her to pump her legs to swing on the swing, and how to do up buttons and zips and tie her laces, how to ride a bike, make a simple meal, compare prices in the supermarket and meal plan? I hope you homeschool and also taught your child to read, write, do long division, sew, knit, ride a horse, play football, netball and hockey, sing, play guitar and piano, and speak French, Spanish and Japanese? All yourself, obviously.

Imagine your child learning any of that without you present? Poor little souls not having a devoted parent see the moment!

Really it's pretty lax to leave any of it to anyone else, but being a good parent you'll be there 24/7 and teach your DD everything she ever learns...

Surely no phones simply for safeguarding if nothing else?

Well intentioned but patronising. If the issue is safeguarding then fair enough, but dressing it up as "giving you permission to step away from your digital life" just sounds so patronising.

I think it is really nice for kids if you are watching and swim teacher has probably noticed kids achieving something and glancing up for approval - only to see mum engrossed in the phone. Your kids haven’t seen you all day - presuming they are at school pre swim club, encouraging them by showing interest is a good thing.
Swim teacher probably sees their disappointed faces and wants parents engaged. On the other hand, it’s up to you but when my kids have lessons, I watch and I know they like the fact that I’m engaged.

Watching your children’s swimming lessons, once you get past the first year or so (being generous) is about as boring as it gets.

A swimming lesson when you don’t have another child to look after is a chance to catch up on emails if you want to, or read stuff online, play a game on your phone etc. When my son was little his swimming lesson was a welcome half hour when someone else was supervising him and I could take my eye off the ball for a few minutes. Soon enough the time is up and you have the misery of getting them changed, hair washed etc.

I have just got to the point this school year where they can both just go at school and I don’t have to take them any more and I couldn’t be happier about that.

I think it's ridiculous. They have no idea of your life and schedule. I'm sure you spend plenty of quality time with your child.