To think that it is up to me what I do when my child in swimming lesson.

[swimmingmum6]

My children have swimming lessons at a lovely local swim school. The groups are small. Teacher is with 3-4 children in pool, parents poolside but not involved in lesson. I enjoy watching but also chatting to the other parents and answering the odd email so that I don't have to do it when my children are in bed, or when I'm properly with them.

Just had this posted on Facebook page. AIBU to dislike the tone? I'm not glued to my phone, look up and encourage frequently but I am also a working mum who gets little space in the daytime and reserve the right to catch up with a couple of emails while my child is in the pool supervised and learning.

The post reads:
Recently I have noticed a sharp increase in the use of mobile phones and tablets on poolside during our lessons.

Understanding how busy our lives are parents can be, I would like to trial our poolsides as ‘Digital free’ zones.

I would like to give you all permission to step out of your hectic day whilst your child is swimming with us by turning your phone off or onto silent.

It is wonderful to see a child encouraged and supported by their parent/Carer poolside when they have achieved something new or master a skill they have been working on. These shared experiences will create memories of their precious early years.

I am hoping by giving you permission to delay writing that email or text will enable you to relax, focus on quality time with your child and create a closer ** (name of swimschool) Community!

If you have a sibling waiting for their lesson or their brother/sister why not encourage them to watch, pick up additional teaching points or bring a book or homework to do.

Should you have a pressing matter to attend to or need to make an urgent call, please may I ask you to step out of the pool to do this when swimming with us.

I would appreciate your thoughts on this idea, so please do respond to this post with a 👍🏼 or ❤️ or comment below.

With much love and many thanks,
(Name of swimschool teacher)

What do you think?

Have you spoken to your dc OP to find out what they think? They may want you to engage a little bit more or they might not care less! I'd be more interested in my kids' thoughts than their teachers.

You are totally YANBU to dislike the tone. I think in trying to be polite he/she comes across as patronising. It would have probably worked better if it was more blunt. The teachers have probably been in situations where children are trying to attract their parents attention or saying "oh mummy/daddy isnt looking". At least the teachers care I suppose.

Having spent 16 years sitting watching one or both ds at swimming lessons on a weekly basis, I know how boring it is and certainly not quality time with your child. I used to take a book and look up occasionally. With only swimhatted heads being visible, I wasnt sure which ones were mine tbh! I have to say "These shared experiences will create memories of their precious early years" is total bo**cks - both my ds would fall about laughing if I said this now. And I really don't want that particular time back with them now they are older.

Mind you, I think taking calls poolside is a bit off. I agree with them there.

I would respond though to let them know how you feel and whether or not you are going to submit to their ‘Digital free’ zones.

Our local pool has recently put more and more restrictions on phones (not near the windows etc.) and have asked people to put them away if it looks like they are taking a picture. Does not bother me. I always have a book in my bag.

I think a lot of the motivation for this is coming from discomfort about the amount of time people are spending on their phones, though "security" is used as the fig leaf.

Frankly, most people could do with spending less time gaping at a phone, so if this is what it takes to get some restrictions in, I am not that bothered and we will probably all be better off as a society. If you have something essential to do on your phone, you can always pop outside to a corridor or whatever.

I agree with this: "the poolside will be a digital free zone."

Nothing more was necessary.

How old are the children? If they're 3 then maybe, but not if they're 11!

I don't see how this makes any difference.

Someone wants an audience.

Unless the swimming instructor owns or is in charge of the swimming pool I don't suppose they have much say in what goes on there really.

The instructor can have as many odd ideas as they like about what a parent should or should not be doing at any given time but that wouldn't stop me being on my phone catching up with work emails and the online shop! I'm not a child and I don't expect to be treated like one.

We're not allowed to watch in case it puts them off so have to sit on the cafe. It's bliss 😀

It’s not her place to police what an adult does unless there is a poolside ban of phones for safeguarding reasons - having spent the last 12 years watching my children swim, I can safely say the novelty has worn off and I am more than happy to get on with some work while they enjoy their hobby.

You are paying this person to teach your child to swim. That’s it. She’s not your mentor, or guru, or teacher. You don’t need permission from her to do anything. None of that is her job. Tell her to focus of getting your child to swim and to worry less about paying any attention to parents. As long as they’re quiet and not distracting the kids then it’s none of her business what you do. Take the point about phones beeping. That is distracting.

Can’t think of any other activity one is supposed to watch with rapt attention week after week . No other sport demands this. At one point my two did lots should I have sat and given hockey tennis forest school and extra French my full attention? Utterly ridiculous.

The deal is parent takes child to do activity if possible you lift share so you don’t even go in! Maybe a performance or open day thing at end of term - that you watch. For years my friend and I tag teamed swimming she took all 4 one week me the next. That was awesome actually. So half the time I wasn’t even there!

Agree the cutesy tone makes it all worse too.

At one swimming lesson lots of the adults were nannies and au pairs. Will she be ticking off the absent working parents (dads too of course) for failure to memory make?

I agree, OP, the patronising fuckers. Who the hell do they think they are?

Of course it's a great time to catch up on emails and admin - and indeed Mumsnet if you want to - while your children are actually having lessons you pay through the nose for. Their attitude is so bad it's laughable.

No other sport demands this

My DD's swimming lessons didn't demand this, there was no viewing area and we had to stand chatting in a corridor from where we could vaguely see little heads bobbing in the pool. At gymnastics you can't watch, and neither can you at athletics or dance classes. Swimming lessons are a necessary evil to learn a skill, it's a chore, not pleasure for parents, and often a chore for kids, and unless you are in the unfortunate position that your child actually enjoys lessons and becomes a talented swimmer then you get the fuck out of there as soon as they can swim a few lengths safely.

I wouldn't be able to resist replying to them publicly, and highly sarcastically.

Our public swimming baths has a no phones in the public viewing area rule. If you want to be on your phone you can go outside

Who signs off with “much love”? Teacher doesn’t sound professional.

I’d get up and leave to go on my phone.

As a parent of teens I wish I could go back and watch all those lessons again. They aren’t exciting but they are more special than you realise right now.

This is patronising as hell. I'm the parent of a teenager and I don't cherish the memories of sitting by the pool in any way. Not every moment has to be special.

When I was a child my parents did not do any of this stuff. My parents never even were at my swimming lessons; I was dropped off by a friend's dad and we were collected outside the swimming pool by my dad later.

People are constantly worrying about other people spending too much time on their phone (never themselves though, just everyone else) but I'm far more concerned with the unhealthy obsession with #makingmemories and the constant berating of parents for not being spellbound with every single moment of their child's existence. We have a generation of young adults already who have a reputation in the workplace for needing constant attention and praise for every little thing, and this is exactly the same sort of thing. Every child needs to learn that they are not the centre of the universe, that they are part of a wider group, so I see no harm in not being completely enthralled by something as unimportant as a swimming lesson.

I agree with what they are trying to do. My DS would look to me for encouragement during lessons (and tell me off if he caught me on my phone) so I hardly ever looked at mine. Some parents had their noses in their phones the whole time (and often the best seats). It must be frustrating for the teachers to see the students look to their parents for encouragment or praise only to fine they aren’t looking. Showing a bit of interest goes a long way IMO. Having said that, my DS hated big group lessons and so went to smaller group or 1:1 lessons. In that setting it is much more obvious to both them and teacher if you aren’t watching.

You could make a banner that says ‘much love’ and wave it in time to your whoops when your child pops out if the water with each stroke.

Swimming lessons are not quality time. She’s like those hairdressers who think that everyone really cares about their hair but really we just want our hair cut and to get out of there.

She needs to do her job, teaching children to swim and the rest of us can do our jobs. That’s how the world works.

As a parent of teens I wish I could go back and watch all those lessons again. They aren’t exciting but they are more special than you realise right now.

As a parent of teens I am really fucking glad that days of swimming lessons are years behind us and am happy to forget almost everything about them. Though unfortunately I still have the mental scars from wrangling two small children in a stiflingly hot and crowded changing room. Thank fuck those days are long gone.

At our pool you are not allowed any device capable of taking pictures and even last time they didn't allow my plain kindle.

Swimming lessons are incredible dull to watch and i always took a book or a magazine to read as i cant just sit there for 30 mins staring at a pool full of kids.

While I understand not having electronics by the pool i find their reasoning really patronising and i would be tempted to leave the children to go do what i wanted for 30 mins to make a point.

Imo swimming lessons are not 'family' time or a time to bond with your child.

Don’t like the tone of ‘give you permission’. WTF. ‘Request’ would be so much more polite and less patronising.

That said, I agree with the intention. Of course OP can do whatever she likes, just no5 by the pool side. What’s wrong with having to follow rules?

isabellerossignol as the parent of 2 teens and a junior school child I completely agree with you.

There are a lot of moments I'd like to be more present in, especially when I was long term sleep deprived due to dc3 and can't remember stuff from dc1 and dc2 in that time. Little things though. Most certainly not swimming lessons, which were just a stress - I didn't even have a smartphone then, I was usually wrangling a baby and toddler or by dc3 rushing to the shop down the road or talking to another parent, we weren't allowed poolside at any of the 3 different swim schools we used anyway.

My friends mil can never swim in a public pool again. She says she had 4 kids and attended lessons for all of them so cannot bear to enter a leisure centre ever again

Patronising and extremely judgemental. I wonder if the swimming school would have sent the same message if parents were sat there reading (a nice, made of paper) book instead of watching their kids? This snacks of someone who is anti-technology and has given themselves a platform to air their views and make themselves feel superior. So they want parents to be completely absorbed in watching their kids but it's ok to sit poolside and help siblings with homework? Bollocks. YANBU.

Totally agree with the teacher.
When my boys had swimming lessons they always looked out for me and then had BIG smiles on their faces.
It`s called encouragement.