To not understand the disbelief shown when friends learn myself and DP have never argued?

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Just that really.

Been with DP 5 years this month. We live together, no DC yet.

And we've never had a row. The only time we've come close is in the car, being lost / stressed. But we usually diffuse those situations with humour.

When friends find out we've never rowed / fallen out / shouted at each other, they think we're either lying / exaggerating, one of us must be a pushover, or are relationship is weird. We don't feel By of that is true.

We both grew up in broken homes, mine was also a violent home. I've argued with previous partners and so has he. But we just get on in a drama free existence together.

That said, life hasn't been easy, we've had a lot thrown at us over the last five years, including my mum dying due to addiction a few months ago. But we get through hard times.

This genuinely isn't a stealth boast BTW. I'm wondering if we're odd / weird / not normal for not having arguments.

Some couples I know seem to thrive on arguments and make up sex. I couldn't deal with the stress!

Dh and I don't argue much. We didn't argue at all for the first 5 or 6 years of marriage. When we told people they were surprised too.
We're both pretty easy going, maybe that's why

Me and DP are 11 years in and also never had a row. Any hairy situations that come up we talk about or like you say, diffuse with humour. We are both also from shouty broken homes, both of our parents were in loveless marriages that had a miserable effect on us and our siblings.

I often wonder what he'd have to do to make me shout at him! He's just a lovely, easy going guy with a great sense of humour. He always looks on the bright side of situations and that helps a lot.

I am completely with you, I don't argue with my husband, we don't see the point, it takes up to much energy.
We have the odd disagreement and life can be very stressful of course but we deal with it by either taking the dogs out, giving each other space for a while, let him go on the Xbox while I read etc.
I also grew up in a house with lots and lots of fighting and even though I can be terribly short tempered my husband is very laid back and it's hard to have a one sided argument haha!
Friends always disbelieve us too when we say we don't argue.
I sometimes wonder if we're odd but it works for us and that's what matters

We have been together for 25 years, and in the early days congratulated ourselves on the lack of arguments. When we hit a crisis, our very insightful counsellor pointed out that we were successfully brushing lots of things under the carpet and it was actually healthy to argue sometimes.

Married 10 years with 1 DC. Argue lots - both quite verbal people. Never very serious - more bickering because I get over anxious about things and he can be quite grumpy. People are different (as long as you aren't openly smug about your lack of arguing I'd presume it's just the way you are).

We’ve argued once in 14 years. Wasn’t even that serious. I’d split up if we argued a lot

We very rarely argued in the first five years of our relationship. I didn't go on about it to friends though.

I’d split up if we argued a lot Easy to say when you don't!

All relationships are different. I would probably suspect one of you was being a bit passive and maybe not standing up for yourself when you ought to. I don't think it's a big deal if you are genuinely happy and know that you are not being taking advantage of or taking advantage of his good nature. It's just how you function.

Me and OH have been together for 15 years and I can honestly say we have never argued...we disagree on things, of course, but everyone does. We usually talk things out and end up making a joke about it. My parents argue over everything and anything though and are coming up to 60 years of marriage, so I suppose for some couples having an argument is seen as no big deal....it's not how I'd want to live though.

Thanks everyone. Makes me feel better. As mentioned, we've both rowed with exes. So like a PP said, both being easy going helps and I guess growing up in a broken home helps put disagreements in perspective.

I didn't go on about it to friends though. @DontForgetToDeadhead Nor do we! 🙄

My DP and I have been together 16 years. We have the odd minor disagreement that we talk through but I can only ever remember having one proper row and it was over in about five minutes. I have literally never, in all the years we’ve been together, heard him raise his voice in anger.

My previous relationships were all quite tempestuous and my exes were all quite volatile. I absolutely loathe drama and overreaction but with nothing else to go on, I thought those sorts of rows were normal. Then when I met DP I couldn’t actually believe how stress-free it was. It was a complete revelation.

I think some people have this idea that lack of rows = lack of passion, but that is absolutely not the case. I think that misconception leads a lot of women (and men) to stay in relationships that are actually just abusive and dysfunctional.

Doesn't it depend on personalities though? One of my friend never rows with her DH because they are both laid back & my friend is incredibly easy going. However she still gets upset sometimes, but doesn't really raise it. I have a bit of a temper so DH & I can bicker over stupid things but it's forgotten about in the next second, I never sulk or hold a grudge. One of my siblings hates confrontation (which would piss me off when I was younger) & will walk away from his partner, she then calms down & they can discuss the issue calmly. That wouldn't work for me as I would run after him.

Same - we rarely do more than minor bickering, after nearly 9 years together and one toddler. We just get along really well, agree on the big things, and don’t stress too much over the small things. I personally hate arguing, but I don’t let things fester either.

Yep same here together 13, married 7 and two dc, no arguments 🤷‍♀️ It’s called talking and clear communication 🤣🤣👍

Nothing wrong with that

DH and I have been married over 25 years and I could count our arguments on one hand

We disagree, sure. But shouting, arguing, rowing, falling out. No

It helps that our personalities complement each other and that we are basically on the same page with most things.

A very good point @dollydaydream114

I don’t row much with DP, we occasionally bicker but it’s all very low level stuff.

Every couple has a different dynamic, as long as you are able to disagree on areas and speak openly that’s all that matters. It’s only a problem if you avoid any sort of confrontation/disagreement for fear of conflict and so suffer in silence or become resentful.

It is when people say 'we have never had a disagreement' that I raise my eyebrows. Either they are lying or one of them is keeping the peace. No two people will agree on everything.

I guess as well people define row and argument differently.

We never argued. Still separated after 15 years though

DH and I (together 11 years) have never had what I’d describe as a row. Like you we use humour to diffuse annoyances and even they are few and far between.

The belief that it’s healthy to argue in a relationship is bullshit. It’s healthy and necessary to talk things through and resolve differences or conflict but arguing is a sign that the relationship isn’t great in my opinion. I’m baffled by couples who continue to stay together despite regular screaming matches with each other.

It depends what you call an 'argument', surely. My DF would claim he's never had an argument with my uncle. I would say there are many times when they have, but my uncle withdraws when he's cross and doesn't argue back - he's the proverbial grey rock.

DH and I disagree at times, we less often argue to the point of frayed tempers, but I'd hate it if we couldn't disagree.

It's an interesting one. My husband's parents argued a lot (bit of DV) and divorced when he was an early teen. My parents argued a reasonable amount always made friends and have a very long, happy marriage. My husband and I are both natural arguers but he used to see every argument as an absolute disaster and would think that was the end of our relationship. It took him quite a while to learn(?) how to argue and make up without fuss.

The only thing I object to with non-arguing couples is the suggestion that arguing = drama. It's really possible to have an undramatic argument.

my uncle withdraws when he's cross and doesn't argue back - he's the proverbial grey rock.

Ughhhhhh, I hate this. I had an ex who was like this, it was unbearable.

Same here. 5 years, no arguments - I grew up in an abusive household with lots of screaming and shouting, so I never ever raise my voice, and neither does he. Luckily we both believe in honest communication, so we're able to bring stuff up to each other in a constructive way - we have a "we're on the same side, fighting for our relationship, not fighting each other" attitude, and it seems to work well.

A previous relationship I had was very volatile and full of arguments and it was really unhealthy - I was quite messed up and actually found some kind of pleasure in causing rows - he was easily provoked and I’d do it deliberately.
Then I met my now DH and I wanted nothing less than to upset him! I couldn’t bear the thought of making him cross or sad. So very different, and so much better. 20 years down the line we’ve never had a “proper” argument - niggles here and there but that’s it. He makes me happy!