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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think BIL & SIL are CFs and refuse to host them?

474 replies

CaptainObviousTwo · 08/09/2019 12:47

My DP is quite shy and reserved. Before we got together he lived (by choice) a quite frugal, simple life - clothes second hand, no expensive hobbies, low paid but low-stress job, never went abroad and just pottered along happily doing his thing.

We met just under 2 years ago. I also don't have any interest in fancy things but my career took me abroad a lot and I earned a fair amount of money, last year I started my own business (in the UAE) and we decided that I'd buy a house in Dubai, he'd leave his job and we'd move over there.

It wasn't until the bitching started that I realised that DPs brothers seemed to find his stability and "little village" lifestyle a means of feeling better about their lives. Both are very money-orientated, keen to buy the latest gadgets and drive fancy cars. Both are up to their eyeballs in debt but live a life of Riley and looked down upon DPs comparatively simple life.

The house in Dubai is lovely, 6 bedrooms which is far more than we need but it was a good investment and it gives us lots of room to host.

Almost everyone has been really supportive but there's been a lot of nasty comments from BIL and SIL, lots of intrusive questions about where my money has come from and lots of little jabs at DP about how he's a "housewife" and "whipped" and a "sponger" who doesn't work (not even true, he works PT for my business now). Sadly a lot of these comments have been behind our backs, or too subtle to call them on out, else I'd have addressed it directly.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is that BIL/SIL have been really judgemental and unsupportive about the whole thing.

HOWEVER, despite the fact that they clearly despise us, they have merrily announced that they're coming to visit. This would mean hosting them and their FOUR children at our house, for 2 weeks, and I have a very strong suspicion that they expect us to pay for all the food, likely a lot of the outings and just generally a lot of their expenses.

It's obvious that they see us as an opportunity for a cheap holiday.

AIBU to tell them we'd be thrilled to see them, and then send them a list of local hotels?

DP is worried because we've had a fair few houseguests (including other family) since we moved here a few months ago and that it'll be hugely offensive to turn them away as we clearly have the space. Plus he loves his nieces and nephews, so doesn't want to penalise them.

OP posts:
TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 10/09/2019 19:34

OP, you need to mend some bridges here.

OP hasn't been in any contact with the in-laws. It has been her partner replying all along. So it's HIS decision whether or not to host his family. And HE had decided ever before OP posted on mumsnet that he didn't want them there.

OP has rightly stayed out of it and let him deal with it.

ollo · 10/09/2019 20:43

Your DP has sent some excellent texts and hopefully the ILs realise that they're being two-faced CFs.

HypatiaCade · 10/09/2019 21:09

Go DP!!! What brilliant responses.

HundredMilesAnHour · 10/09/2019 21:30

OP, you need to mend some bridges here.

No, she doesn't. Don't be such a bloody doormat. Mend bridges my arse.

Firstly, it's her DP who has been responding to the CF messages. Secondly, these people are CFers. Thirdly, they have been extremely snide and unpleasant about both the OP and her DP.

I think the OP and her DP have done a stupendous job of being civil and factual in the face of blatant provocation and sheer cheek.

thecatinthetwat · 10/09/2019 21:39

If you agree to them coming, treat them the same way you’ve treated others. Not to would be very passive aggressive.

If you don’t want to see them at all, then say so.

The tricky bit is if dh wants them to come, to see his nephews you might have to suck it up. Though I think you could reasonably say 1 week rather than two and agree with dh that you’ll disappear as and when you need to, if things get too much.

thecatinthetwat · 10/09/2019 21:40

Oh no sorry, missed the whole thread there somehow- just ignore me Blush

Atalune · 10/09/2019 21:42

Well done. DP! I think that’s great.

You’ve volleyed it at them, and rightly so but there will be fall out.

YouTheCat · 10/09/2019 22:20

I think it was a very fair reply. Totally honest and not something she can refute as it's true.

GossipGirlxoxoxo · 11/09/2019 00:51

Well done to your dp for saying it how it is. I bet sil is shocked he pulled her up on it.

Newmom12 · 11/09/2019 15:02

Hey OP

Hope all is well, any updates?

Allgirlskidsanddogs · 12/09/2019 06:38

Wow, for their CFery and DH Balls of Steel! Well done him. Can’t help feeling this isn’t the end of it.

cutebutscary · 12/09/2019 09:34

Please don't be THAT thread with no updates ! We are all rooting for you Smile

FeeFee832 · 14/09/2019 00:24

What's the latest op?!

crabb · 14/09/2019 06:35

Yes, @CaptainObviousTwo, any news?

aliolilover · 14/09/2019 07:05

Hi OP any news?

sauvignonblancplz · 14/09/2019 07:37

Hold on a minute- definitely from what OP is saying with the text messages from SIL , she does indeed sound very cheeky. However the way @CaptainObviousTwo has set the scene for this showdown is confusing me.
So you’ve lived there a few months but have had house guests for over half that time? You allocate your housekeeper , which I’m presuming ; correct me if I’m wrong, is a new member of staff to manage an extra week of annual leave per week you have house guest over ? So far she’s accumulated a lot.... strange!
Your relationship is new , yet you e heard a whole host of horrible comments from SIL in that short period of time to make you come to these conclusions whilst never actually addressing any of them head on?
Could it be in this short , whirlwind romance you e got off to really bad start? How exactly did you hear of these things this woman has said?
It all sounds very dramatic and silly. So your new BF won’t confront the bitchiness but will happily address it while he has the power and control over a house guest? And to be honest , why oh why would anyone pay loads of money on flights to Dubai, they are not cheap, for 6 people, to stay with people they don’t like just to have a nosey at their house?? I don’t think so.
Maybe the SIL would like to get to know you and know they’ve got off on the wrong foot. You’ve got very serious very quickly and maybe they see this as an opportunity to get to know you better?

mankyfourthtoe · 14/09/2019 09:35

@CaptainObviousTwo sorry but we need to know what's happened.

soloula · 14/09/2019 10:00

Cheeky fuckery of the highest level. Hope you both stand your ground.

Bouffalant · 15/09/2019 17:37

They are beyond cheeky.

NavyBlueHue · 15/09/2019 18:46

@CaptainObviousTwo unbelievable CFery!

Have they tried to argue further?

stanski · 15/09/2019 18:52

OP give us an update!

IAmTheMumWhoKnocks · 25/09/2019 09:05

Update please Smile

ThinkWittyThoughts · 25/09/2019 18:08

The old MN favourite springs to mind...

Did you mean to be so rude?

comingintomyown · 25/09/2019 18:28

Thank you for this thread was about to unsubscribe last night due to some of the vile posters on MN but this reminds me why I stay !

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