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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think BIL & SIL are CFs and refuse to host them?

474 replies

CaptainObviousTwo · 08/09/2019 12:47

My DP is quite shy and reserved. Before we got together he lived (by choice) a quite frugal, simple life - clothes second hand, no expensive hobbies, low paid but low-stress job, never went abroad and just pottered along happily doing his thing.

We met just under 2 years ago. I also don't have any interest in fancy things but my career took me abroad a lot and I earned a fair amount of money, last year I started my own business (in the UAE) and we decided that I'd buy a house in Dubai, he'd leave his job and we'd move over there.

It wasn't until the bitching started that I realised that DPs brothers seemed to find his stability and "little village" lifestyle a means of feeling better about their lives. Both are very money-orientated, keen to buy the latest gadgets and drive fancy cars. Both are up to their eyeballs in debt but live a life of Riley and looked down upon DPs comparatively simple life.

The house in Dubai is lovely, 6 bedrooms which is far more than we need but it was a good investment and it gives us lots of room to host.

Almost everyone has been really supportive but there's been a lot of nasty comments from BIL and SIL, lots of intrusive questions about where my money has come from and lots of little jabs at DP about how he's a "housewife" and "whipped" and a "sponger" who doesn't work (not even true, he works PT for my business now). Sadly a lot of these comments have been behind our backs, or too subtle to call them on out, else I'd have addressed it directly.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is that BIL/SIL have been really judgemental and unsupportive about the whole thing.

HOWEVER, despite the fact that they clearly despise us, they have merrily announced that they're coming to visit. This would mean hosting them and their FOUR children at our house, for 2 weeks, and I have a very strong suspicion that they expect us to pay for all the food, likely a lot of the outings and just generally a lot of their expenses.

It's obvious that they see us as an opportunity for a cheap holiday.

AIBU to tell them we'd be thrilled to see them, and then send them a list of local hotels?

DP is worried because we've had a fair few houseguests (including other family) since we moved here a few months ago and that it'll be hugely offensive to turn them away as we clearly have the space. Plus he loves his nieces and nephews, so doesn't want to penalise them.

OP posts:
FeeFee832 · 09/09/2019 13:46

@Ponoka7 modern day slavery?

Honestly, there's always one who comments on a thread without reading through! Jesus.

Puffty · 09/09/2019 14:31

Do come back and let us know the next installment @CaptainObviousTwo
I'm so invested in your thread and have been reading with utter horror at how vile your SIL is. So impressed with DP...superstar handled it perfectly
Good luck with the CFs

HugoSpritz · 09/09/2019 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

titnomatani · 09/09/2019 19:36

Any further update @OP? Did the CF SIL come back with a rebuttal? I don't think she's going to give up this easily. Be prepared for stage 2...

browneyes77 · 09/09/2019 21:36

@Ponoka7

I’m guessing you missed this post about the housekeeper from the OP?:

She's amazing. I always give her an additional week of annual leave for every week we have group visits - she does SO much

Ayemama · 09/09/2019 21:59

Oh dear I feel you're about to get a lot of messages from other in-laws

saraclara · 09/09/2019 22:12

I'm afraid that the bit about captain being minted would have made me see red, and any polite text I'd planned would have gone out of the window. The cheek of it!

Saddler · 09/09/2019 22:26

Fair play to you both

burnttoastandjam · 09/09/2019 22:45

Hurrah for DP!

MoodleJam · 09/09/2019 22:51

Good job DP! Awaiting updates..

Longlivepenguins · 09/09/2019 23:02

I feel a second business opening soon in Dubai - DP could earn a fortune writing responses like that for the many of us who really struggle with diplomacy. (CFs) Grin

IAmTheMumWhoKnocks · 09/09/2019 23:39

Shamelessly placemarking. Brilliant response from DP

Femodene · 09/09/2019 23:56

Holy fuck. Someone actually behaving in a rational, decent manner here is unheard of! Well done to your boyfriend! Usually it’s handwringing and furrowed brows and carefully ambiguously worded fawning to scum followed with being trampled and laughed at by the trashy relative/‘school mum’ etc.

Femodene · 09/09/2019 23:59

The cheek of the sad cow demanding her brother fund her lifestyle choice to have four kids and want Middle Eastern FREE holidays for all of them after gobbing off about her brother and his girlfriend, but happy to use them for free food, accommodation, resources and attention 😄 I’d love to have that level of entitlement and confidence, imagine.

ThisIsNotMyRealName1 · 10/09/2019 00:34

I reckon Longlivepenguins - I'd keep him pretty busy! Grin

museumsandgalleries666 · 10/09/2019 01:19

This is brilliant! Can't wait to see what happens next 😁

SnowsInWater · 10/09/2019 04:38

So happy to read your last update OP, stay strong!

We live overseas and after a year of visitors who all ended up as CFs to some extent, even if not intentionally, we decided that we would take the "it will be lovely to see you, where are you staying" approach. When we returned to the UK last year, staying in an Airbnb, and were arranging to see a friend and her OH who had stayed with us for over a fortnight the previous year I mentioned that a home cooked meal would be nice to which she responded "we would love to come to dinner". We ended up in a restaurant 😐

minesagin37 · 10/09/2019 04:53

Let them come. As you say you want to keep up that contact with the kids etc. Spoil the nieces and nephews rotten. Instruct your house keeper to give the parents the absolute minimum so that they need to put effort in and they get the message. Make them pay for things by saying 'it's customary in Dubai for guests to....'

minesagin37 · 10/09/2019 04:58

Didn't read your update- well sorted then. Shame for the nieces and nephews though.

BasiliskStare · 10/09/2019 05:41

Just tell them on no - no account to book holiday without checking with you as it may not be convenient. I would be tempted to let them come but the minted comment would have annoyed me. I would also let them know what is / is not allowed in house because also your workplace - but depends I suppose what you have done with others.

Alternatively I believe there is an MNer with a holiday house in South America / Mexico or similar and her neighbour has a key Wink - just get neighbour to put it under a plant pot and they and they can go there . ( Oh what was that Cheekiness of all cheekiness thread - I think it might be in Classics) Grin May have to look it up - it made me hoot at the time.

AwdBovril · 10/09/2019 11:52

Your DP sounds ace. Good result. Hope the CFs realise it's down their own horrible attitude & behaviour, & don't continue to try to push it.

CannonCaboodle · 10/09/2019 14:07

Waiting patiently for an update. I hope that there's no additional drama, though I'm half expecting your next update to start with: So, PILs called us and are extremely upset....

stanski · 10/09/2019 18:42

Place marking. Good on DP!

PersonaNonGarter · 10/09/2019 18:53

OP, you need to mend some bridges here.

If these are really your future in laws you have gone in quite hard. You could have had them for a week. Mind you that ‘minted’ comment wasn’t acceptable.

I think MN might have egged you on to a Pyrrhic victory.

MzHz · 10/09/2019 19:19

Ops own dp didn’t want them for the duration EITHER....