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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think BIL & SIL are CFs and refuse to host them?

474 replies

CaptainObviousTwo · 08/09/2019 12:47

My DP is quite shy and reserved. Before we got together he lived (by choice) a quite frugal, simple life - clothes second hand, no expensive hobbies, low paid but low-stress job, never went abroad and just pottered along happily doing his thing.

We met just under 2 years ago. I also don't have any interest in fancy things but my career took me abroad a lot and I earned a fair amount of money, last year I started my own business (in the UAE) and we decided that I'd buy a house in Dubai, he'd leave his job and we'd move over there.

It wasn't until the bitching started that I realised that DPs brothers seemed to find his stability and "little village" lifestyle a means of feeling better about their lives. Both are very money-orientated, keen to buy the latest gadgets and drive fancy cars. Both are up to their eyeballs in debt but live a life of Riley and looked down upon DPs comparatively simple life.

The house in Dubai is lovely, 6 bedrooms which is far more than we need but it was a good investment and it gives us lots of room to host.

Almost everyone has been really supportive but there's been a lot of nasty comments from BIL and SIL, lots of intrusive questions about where my money has come from and lots of little jabs at DP about how he's a "housewife" and "whipped" and a "sponger" who doesn't work (not even true, he works PT for my business now). Sadly a lot of these comments have been behind our backs, or too subtle to call them on out, else I'd have addressed it directly.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is that BIL/SIL have been really judgemental and unsupportive about the whole thing.

HOWEVER, despite the fact that they clearly despise us, they have merrily announced that they're coming to visit. This would mean hosting them and their FOUR children at our house, for 2 weeks, and I have a very strong suspicion that they expect us to pay for all the food, likely a lot of the outings and just generally a lot of their expenses.

It's obvious that they see us as an opportunity for a cheap holiday.

AIBU to tell them we'd be thrilled to see them, and then send them a list of local hotels?

DP is worried because we've had a fair few houseguests (including other family) since we moved here a few months ago and that it'll be hugely offensive to turn them away as we clearly have the space. Plus he loves his nieces and nephews, so doesn't want to penalise them.

OP posts:
StylishMummy · 08/09/2019 20:02

Waiting for a phone call from DPs parents now...

BloggersBlog · 08/09/2019 20:02

Well done again DP, that last text was very to the point. But get ready for the onslaught and have proof of what they have said. She sounds like someone who will deny saying ANYTHING negative

Leeds2 · 08/09/2019 20:02

Your DP has a way with words! I hope you hear no more about it, but I suspect you will!

woodhill · 08/09/2019 20:02

That is so rude and presumptious of SIL. Too bad I'd say to her

HundredMilesAnHour · 08/09/2019 20:03

I wasn't convinced about your DP at the start of this thread Captain but I'm really starting to like him a lot. Well done him!

Rezie · 08/09/2019 20:04

You for DP!

fedup21 · 08/09/2019 20:04

we're not all minted like Captain

I can’t help but think if he’d pulled them up every time they said such rude things about you, this situation couldn’t have been avoided.

gilliansgardenbench · 08/09/2019 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rezie · 08/09/2019 20:04

Damit. It was Suprise to say "yay for DPStar"

NoSquirrels · 08/09/2019 20:05

Oh, bloody well done, DP!

Like I say, he can offer to host the kids at a time convenient to you all... but great he’s said his piece.

And whilst it’s awful, the “we’re not all minted like Captain” puts the issue front and centre - they’re expecting YOU to fund them, which is outrageous, and you can say so now, seeing as it’s out there in writing!

sweetiepie1979 · 08/09/2019 20:08

Yeah!!! For DP! Cake

Cushionsarecomfie · 08/09/2019 20:08

Brilliant response. It’s outrageous that she thought she could just rail road you into hosting you especially having been so outrageously rude to boot.

emilybrontescorsett · 08/09/2019 20:09

Excellent response from your dp op.

Cannotresist · 08/09/2019 20:10

If there was ever any doubt, that was the right thing to do given the minted comment - they were entiteldly expecting you to subsidise them!

finished31 · 08/09/2019 20:10

DP came up trumps. He's a keeper!! cheeky bastards

FluffyCloudsInTheSky · 08/09/2019 20:11

StarCakeGinWine for DP!

Evertheconundrum · 08/09/2019 20:17

@CaptainObviousTwo We decided that I'd buy a house in Dubai

Can you not see what's wrong with that statement?

I agree that your boyfriend's family have insulted you but they do have a point! Why do YOU have to buy a house? Why Dubai?

PanamaPattie · 08/09/2019 20:21

Fantastic response. 👏🏻

RandomMess · 08/09/2019 20:21

Well played to your DP!

NoLeopard · 08/09/2019 20:23

Go dp! The nerve to STILL be hurling 'minted' insults. Very entitled CFs indeed.

GiveMeSleepAndEvenMoreWine · 08/09/2019 20:23

Great response from you DP!!

ReanimatedSGB · 08/09/2019 20:24

You might also take this as evidence as how good for your DP you are: you have given him the support and love he needed to be able to stand up to his bullying family - and to do so in a civil, dignified way, as well.

sweetiepie1979 · 08/09/2019 20:24

@CaptainObviousTwo We decided that I'd buy a house in Dubai
Can you not see what's wrong with that statement?
I agree that your boyfriend's family have insulted you but they do have a point! Why do YOU have to buy a house? Why Dubai?

What?
Because she made the money and she started her own business there...... and because OP can buy a house if she likes!
What are you takin if about?

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 08/09/2019 20:27

Bravo for DP.

Everthrconundrum, I can't see what's wrong with We decided that I'd buy a house in Dubai -- could you explain? In nice simple words, please, because I have a heavy cold and may not understand if you are oblique.

Why do his family have a point trying to scrounge free holidays at her expense because she owns a house?

Why shouldn't she buy a house wherever she wants to if she can afford it?

And why not Dubai, if that is where her business is -- or come to that if she just wants to?

NoSquirrels · 08/09/2019 20:28

Why do YOU have to buy a house? Why Dubai?

Errr...? Confused
What’s your point, Ever? Let alone whatever you think the SIL’s point is?

OP has business in Dubai. OP buys house to run business from. Her DP joins her to live and work in said business.