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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boys and noise!

200 replies

Stapelberg · 07/09/2019 17:42

I have one child. ONE!! The neighbours might think there's 6.
This child cannot do anything at a normal speed or noise level.
All my friends have girls. They sit quietly. They colour in cute pictures. They thread beads to make colourful bracelets. They pet and rock their cats/dogs or push them in a pram.
My son:
Runs everywhere at top speed. Screeches to a halt when he spots a bug/worm/spider/butterfly which is then carefully lifted up in a dirty little hand, gently placed in his bug box, and off he runs screaming at the top of his lungs 'Muuuuuuuum!!!' to show me his new find.
He never rocks the cat. He ambushes it, then chases it up the stairs and laughs hysterically when the cat in turn waits for him around the corner and pounces on him when he races past.
He doesn't thread beads. He gathers them in his hands and throws them outside up in the air, then marvels at the patterns the sunlight makes with the colourful plastic gems.
At bathtime he utters war cries while saving a drowning clothes peg from an oversized plastic jug.

When I get home from work, he squeels in a high pitched little voice, drops everything in his hands and throws his whole 6 year old self into my arms. He never stops talking, smiling and playing. His bike stunts ('look mum, I can left my bum off the seat while I fly over the ramp') leaves me breathless.
And yet come bedtime and he nestles, fragrant and clean and damp after his bath, in my lap for story time, there's not a more perfect, more quiet moment in the world I would want to swap him for.

AIBU to think boys are just the noisiest, most amazing little creatures?!

OP posts:
Stapelberg · 09/09/2019 01:42

And to be fair, if my memory serves me right, you were actually one of the people with a better grasp of the English language who didn't have to make use of abusive terms to bring their point accross and I appreciate that.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 09/09/2019 01:46

You missed off “except if the shoe fits...” from your post which clearly changed the sentiment of what you posted.

You seem to have tried to totally reframe what you’ve posted, not for the first time during the thread.

Stapelberg · 09/09/2019 01:48

I said that because I was surprised that you replied to that... Dearie me... Somebody has to be the grownup here and stop this carry on. Clearly it won't be you.

OP posts:
roisinagusniamh · 09/09/2019 09:36

Stapel, you sound very angry and condescending?
People quite rightly have called you out on your 'tounge in cheek' gender stereotyping. You really need to take note and concentrate on educating yourself regarding this issue instead of defending your stance because you. are. wrong!

bluebluezoo · 09/09/2019 09:58

Tbh I'm really getting fedup w this now. My original post was meant to be a tongue in cheek peek into my life w a very busy, very fun and well grounded little boy

It wasn't though. It was a post full of gender stereotypes where you specifically asked if boys in general were noisy, and stated girls were quiet and played with cats.

You can't seem to admit that is what you did. Nobody has been nasty, trolling, mean or insulting.

If you had made your post specifically about your child, and not extrapolated to boys in general, you would have had a completely different response. But you subsequent posts seen to deny the sexism and try to shift the meaning to just about your child. It wasn't. read your o/p again.

Like others have said, mnhq doesn't tolerate trolling, feel free to report posts and they will be deleted if they are.

It scares me to thinkntnat somewhere there is a little child who is exposed to this kind of harsh criticism and who have to listen to this awful way parents probably talk to them.

It scares me to think that somewhere there is a little child exposed to rigid gender norms and have to listen to the awful way parents probably tell them they can' t x or y because it's "for girls/boys".

Trebla · 09/09/2019 11:23

I've got 4. I'm fucking knackered, but blessed and know it. When my first was born, all the other baby group mums had girls. We parted ways at about 2.5 due to differing behaviours and expression of needs. Then they had boys... that being said I also know some quite rowdy female children too.

WhoTellsYourStory · 09/09/2019 12:41

You asked if you were being unreasonable to think that boys are the noisiest, most amazing little creatures.

Those responding with yes are answering that question; mostly to say that girls can be noisier than boys. (I'm saying yes because the way you talk is absolute cringe.)

So, for the love of all that's holy, please stop shouting at everyone for answering the question you asked! Perhaps there's another forum on Mumsnet for you to have posted this on - Boymummy Chat?

whatisit12345 · 09/09/2019 12:42

Bravo to @WhoTellsYourStory your post is spot on!

WhoTellsYourStory · 09/09/2019 13:20

Cheers @whatisit12345 Smile I'm sure there's a place for this kind of whimsy but it's not AIBU...

MadameButterface · 09/09/2019 13:36

Op don’t take this the wrong way but imo your critical thinking/reading comprehension skills are not really at a level where i think you should be in sole charge of a child’s education

PhilomenaButterfly · 09/09/2019 13:42

DS2 is like this, but it's probably because he has ADHD. He struggles to do the quiet, snuggly bit at the end of the day, and sometimes doesn't stop being hyper until he's actually asleep. Relatives who don't understand say it's like living in a prison, but he can't relax by himself, so I have to try and make him.

thecatsthecats · 09/09/2019 13:50

Another for the YABU crowd for the question you specifically asked.

I pigeon-holed myself as a tomboy as a kid because I didn't know any better. But as a girl, I did all of these things according to mood:

  • wrestled violently with my sister
  • read calmly for hours
  • cared gently for my pets
  • did unspeakable things to insects
  • raced around tearing my clothes, getting filthy, scabby and shouting
  • quietly went fishing with my dad

My husband was a little sweetheart by all accounts. Set a lot of store by being a 'good boy' as some children do. There's the sweetest video of him playing with a severely autistic boy at a party, because he was told that that boy got left out a lot. Now that is an amazing little creature, no tearing around necessary.

AlmostAlwyn · 09/09/2019 14:49

Gender stereotypes are SO damaging. Absolutely every parent should be doing their utmost to counteract them! (please look up and follow 'Let Toys Be Toys' and 'Let Clothes Be Clothes' and other similar initiatives!)

There is NO evidence of brain differences between girls and boys (and don't try citing monkey studies with "girl toys" and "boy toys" Hmm) so absolutely nothing is "wired" into them. What you see is learned behaviour. All kids want to fit in (we are social mammals) and parents (perhaps unconsciously) make sure their child knows what "group" they're in, even from very early on!

I'm not sure what a "boy mummy" is, and how that differs from a "girl mummy", or what kind of mummy you are if you have both sexes....

Obviously, you haven't responded well to the comments, OP. Seems to me you've tried to reframe your original post to defend yourself, which I guess is natural in the face of criticism. Just take a moment to self-reflect on your views of girls and boys, and perhaps do a bit of reading (I can recommend Cordelia Fine's Delusions of Gender, and Robert Webb's autobiography How Not To Be a Boy).

Good luck homeschooling your son, and I hope you will instil a sense equality in him and highlight the similarities with girls rather than the differences.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 09/09/2019 14:56

girls rocking their cats in prams

I'd like to know where these biddable cats are.....

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 09/09/2019 15:12

I really do feel sorry for your neighbours. To them your child isn't lovely, just a brat.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 09/09/2019 15:23

Totally get what your saying about noise etc as my 7 yr old DS is same. Everything is 100 miles an hr, squeezes cat, works out how things work by banging them or taking apart.

However he is me when I was a child! (I'm female) so I'm seeing how hard I was when little 😂😂

DD is older, studious, kind and considerate......

She also screams at her brother when he irritates her, came off her scooter at a zillion miles per hr yesterday and has an egg on her knee 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ and can argue with her father like a pro.

We are all different. Noisy and giddy children are hard work but they make amazing adults you know 😁😁

WhoTellsYourStory · 09/09/2019 15:36

@Leighhalfpennysthigh One of my cats would be happy being rocked in a pram given that he loves being held and rocked and is extremely dense, but he is an outlier and shouldn't be counted. The other is an actual cat and would rightly object to such nonsense.

HauntedPinecone · 09/09/2019 15:43

"early morning gems like crabs"

That is gold Grin

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 09/09/2019 15:54

@WhoTellsYourStory your cat sounds lovely. I miss having cats, even stroppy cat like ones, but mostly I miss having one curl up on my lap and go to sleep. My dogs would be willing to do that, but unfortunately they are both golden retrievers!

PinkOboe · 09/09/2019 16:33

Bravo @bluebluezoo who is the voice of reason

I'm baffled that here we are in 2019 and these harmful stereotypes are more prevalent than ever. @Stapelberg rather than rallying against what is being said please do consider the pervasive, insidious effects of reinforcing these frankly bizarre ideas of there being a girls way and a boys way. It helps no one

GhostHoward · 09/09/2019 18:46

Gender stereotyping (even if you think you're doing it innocently) is extremely damaging to children. It doesn't just have an effect on your little darling, either. It gets perpetuated among their peers.

When one of my son's started school he had long blonde hair, halfway down his back, which he loved. A couple of months into school he asked for a haircut. No problem. He then asked if he'd be a proper boy when he had it cut. Kids in his class had said he was a girl because he had long hair. One STILL refers to him as "she/her" to his parents (his mum laughed about it to me. Angry

I want to say more about what OP's posts descended into...but don't know where to start....

IfIKnewThenWhatIKnowNow · 09/09/2019 19:59

Goodness me @Stapelberg. How dare you post about how boisterous your lad is and come accross as really enjoying the whirlwind of life with him!

Ignore the nastiness and gender neutral brigade... boys will be boys! Shoot me now 😂😂🤷🏻‍♀️

Stompythedinosaur · 09/09/2019 20:57

So you believe in free speech when you are expressing your opinion, but not when an overwhelming majority of other posters wish to express their objection to blatant sexism?

Girlwhowearsglasses · 09/09/2019 20:59

He sound a heavenly OP.
I have boys and they are like elephants. I think I was a bit too though. Next door used to complain about me going upstairs in my Doc Martens

CannonCaboodle · 09/09/2019 21:58

Well said, @bluebluezoo and @AlmostAlwyn.
Gender stereotypes are harmful and the original post is just cringeworthy.

Like another poster pointed out... I feel sorry that your precious darling XY chromosome child is being homeschooled by someone with such outdated views.

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