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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boys and noise!

200 replies

Stapelberg · 07/09/2019 17:42

I have one child. ONE!! The neighbours might think there's 6.
This child cannot do anything at a normal speed or noise level.
All my friends have girls. They sit quietly. They colour in cute pictures. They thread beads to make colourful bracelets. They pet and rock their cats/dogs or push them in a pram.
My son:
Runs everywhere at top speed. Screeches to a halt when he spots a bug/worm/spider/butterfly which is then carefully lifted up in a dirty little hand, gently placed in his bug box, and off he runs screaming at the top of his lungs 'Muuuuuuuum!!!' to show me his new find.
He never rocks the cat. He ambushes it, then chases it up the stairs and laughs hysterically when the cat in turn waits for him around the corner and pounces on him when he races past.
He doesn't thread beads. He gathers them in his hands and throws them outside up in the air, then marvels at the patterns the sunlight makes with the colourful plastic gems.
At bathtime he utters war cries while saving a drowning clothes peg from an oversized plastic jug.

When I get home from work, he squeels in a high pitched little voice, drops everything in his hands and throws his whole 6 year old self into my arms. He never stops talking, smiling and playing. His bike stunts ('look mum, I can left my bum off the seat while I fly over the ramp') leaves me breathless.
And yet come bedtime and he nestles, fragrant and clean and damp after his bath, in my lap for story time, there's not a more perfect, more quiet moment in the world I would want to swap him for.

AIBU to think boys are just the noisiest, most amazing little creatures?!

OP posts:
User344772734481882445 · 08/09/2019 10:01

*a son a bit like yours ... (Sorry for typo)

Ohflippineck · 08/09/2019 10:02

🙄

TinyChipolata · 08/09/2019 10:03

Boke.

Stompythedinosaur · 08/09/2019 10:10

Not sure I have much to add that hasn't been said, but I understand why the op rubbed pps up the wrong way. Linking those behaviours to gender is harmful to both boys and girls. It is likely that the girls who can engage in quiet activities (I bet they do the noisy ones too) have had higher expectations of their behaviour, because that is who girls are often treated, while people are more permissive of boy's behaviour.

I was worried about the cat too, I would expect kinder behaviour towards an animal at 6. My 6yo is able to understand that our animal's needs come before her own.

Stapelberg · 08/09/2019 14:03

I agree w some stuff on here, others I completely reject and that's my choice. You are also entitled to your opinion but I believe that a lot of the 'gender confusion' as it's called, is exactly caused by some of the opinions on here. Anyway, I posted what I posted, I won't back down in my beliefs and I'm not expecting you to do so either. Just do not be mean and say awful stuff that you will never have the guts to say to my face. Hope everyone has a good week and hope even more your kids are happy and never exposed to the kind of verbal abuse that was spewed out here...

OP posts:
roisinagusniamh · 08/09/2019 14:10

I think this thread has been enlightening for you OP.
Your Homeschooling will improve now. Your child will become calmer and more secure and confident and you stop branding his behaviour as gender driven.

Daaps · 08/09/2019 14:18

YABU. My boys are quiet. I also have a girl who has never pushed a cat in a pram. Lucky for them they are treated as individuals rather than mini stereotypes on legs.

paradisedreamer · 08/09/2019 14:19

My girl is worse and louder than my two boys,

ArcticHair · 08/09/2019 14:19

God your poor friends with their boring girls eh.

I have one of each sex and you are being hugely unreasonable and offensive.

Cherrypies · 08/09/2019 14:22

I loved your opening post, I am a nan to two little boys, and think they are wonderful, if I get a grandaughter in the future will love her too. Both genders are gorgeous in equal measure. But you celebrate what you have, in your case a lovely boy. I dont care about all this gender malarky, its the person that counts. Celebrate your boy and good luck to you Smile

bluebluezoo · 08/09/2019 14:28

You are also entitled to your opinion but I believe that a lot of the 'gender confusion' as it's called, is exactly caused by some of the opinions on here

I believe that “gender confusion” is driven by rigid gender stereotyping.

So a quiet boy who likes pushing cats in prams and drawing hears and sees people expecting boys to be loud, noisy and physical thinks well I like “girl” stuff, so maybe I’m a girl?. Same with a girl who wants to get muddy, play drums and climb trees. They absorb the message that they aren’t “girly”, and they are behaving “like a boy”.

See? Gender confusion isn’t because people push the opposite ideas onto children, but that they are so constrained by gender expectation that if they don’t conform they must be the gender they want to conform to.

Teateaandmoretea · 08/09/2019 14:42

You are also entitled to your opinion but I believe that a lot of the 'gender confusion' as it's called, is exactly caused by some of the opinions on here

Personally I think that gender confusion is because of this type of stereotyping. A boisterous girl immediately being labelled a tomboy, a quieter boy feeling there is something wrong with him. Each child is an individual regardless of biological sex.

Neither of my girls were anything like you portrayed at the start at all.

Croquembou · 08/09/2019 14:55

My boys are very boyish. DS1 loves looking at pictures of muscle men and wants to use the gym and get strong.

This is why people hate gender stereotypes. Shit like this. I'm so happy there are women ignoring this bollocks and getting super strong now but there's so much misogyny around it (check out 'you look like a man' on Insta if you want to depress yourself)

WorraLiberty · 08/09/2019 15:50

Yes and all the boys who aren't particularly strong and have no interest in 'muscle men' and the gym.

Does that make them 'not boyish'? And if so, what does that actually make them?

'Girlish'? Confused

This is the sort of thing that causes confusion and damage. I believe it's also one of the reasons male suicide rates are so high.

Being sensitive and talking about feelings just isn't considered 'boyish', unlike building their bodies into stereotypical muscle men etc.

If you ever decided to stop home schooling, it might benefit your son to experience being taught by a variety of different teachers who have a variety of different views on this sort of thing.

EdnaAdaSmith · 08/09/2019 16:04

I'm not quite convinced that liking to look at pictures of muscle men is a sign of being boyish ... Whatever boyish is...

One of my boys cried and confessed he liked things for girls when he was 7. He thought there was something wrong, yet didn't think there was anything wrong with his sister being in a girl's football team. In fact he liked a big mix of things stereotypically associated with both girls and boys, but liked some books and TV series his classmates said we're "for girls". He's a boy and doesn't think he's a girl, but if I'd said "hmmm yes, those things are for girls, boys like xyz and girls like abc" he'd still think something was wrong!

Gender stereotypes create the confusion. Look at children's toys and clothing from the 70s and now - it's getting worse, not better.

Children are just individual people with a mix of likes, dislikes, talents and personalities. All the rigid expectations, labelling and colour coding and trying to put them in boxes creates a problem that needs not exist for the many children who don't feel they 100% fit socially constructed gender roles.

Thesearmsofmine · 08/09/2019 16:06

I am really surprised to see that you home ed OP because home educators don’t tend to conform to gender stereotypes. I am amazed you haven’t seen some home educated girls being just as loud as loud and boisterous as some home educated boys.

Stapelberg · 08/09/2019 18:09

Cherrypies I'm glad you understand my original post for what it is. A cebration of my son, his wildness yet kindness, his fun nature and noisy exploration of life and everything around him. I agree, this gender melarky is exactly that... A child will be who they are. In my son's case, a happy little whirlwind of a boy!

OP posts:
alislim · 08/09/2019 18:50

OMG what a miserable bunch you are. She was just celebrating her son. Chill out everyone. Why so serious??

Frangible · 08/09/2019 19:32

OP, but you are the one engaging in what you term ‘gender malarkey’. Virtually everyone else has pointed out that it’s not your son’s gender that makes his him ‘wild’, any more than it makes him ‘kind’.

Thurmanmurman · 08/09/2019 19:47

I’m a Brownie leader and the idea of these girls sitting quietly is frankly ludicrous, I come back with a headache! It’s the personality of the child not the gender.

Stapelberg · 08/09/2019 20:11

Alislim thank you!

OP posts:
coolandcalm17 · 08/09/2019 20:41

Boys and girls can be equally noisy regardless of their gender, but speaking as a grandmother of 7 I can categorically say boys don’t act the same as girls. My grandkids are all treated the same and no way would my daughters treat them different because of their gender. But they ARE different, no doubt about it. It’s just the little things that I notice, very subtle but they’re wired different itms. I’m aware that mumsnetters won’t agree with me but I don’t care. I know what I see, and so what. It’s perfectly natural imo. Just because we dont want it to be so won’t change the facts.

bluebluezoo · 08/09/2019 20:46

Boys and girls can be equally noisy regardless of their gender, but speaking as a grandmother of 7 I can categorically say boys don’t act the same as girls

I can categorically say a sample size of 7 does not a study make.

You cannot draw conclusion about entire populations from 7 kids. If I had 7 grandkids and the 3 blonde ones prefer dogs and the 4 brunettes prefer cats, does that mean all blondes prefer dogs? No.

golddustwomen · 08/09/2019 20:46

He sounds hilarious haha!
My 3 year old lad is the same, he's a complete nutter 😂 my head pounds some days!

golddustwomen · 08/09/2019 20:46

2 year old even!

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