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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

You didn't impress my cock

314 replies

UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 12:13

AIBU to think that literally no woman ever would be ok with a guy she had recently shagged saying this to her? Especially when he expected her to shag him again?

I recently shagged a guy who said this to me. He thinks my reaction to his helpful feedback was due to 'my own issues' and 'most women wouldn't have reacted like that.'

Before you think I am shit in bed, here's what happened. So I shagged this guy I had a couple of dates with. He orgasmed twice, me not at all. His complaint about me 'not impressing his cock' was due to me not touching his cock with my hand or mouth. When he explained this, I said, ' so where in the 30 seconds that elapsed between us starting to kiss and you taking off my clothes and sticking your cock in me was I supposed to give you a blow job?' He said ' ah yes, I am not very good at foreplay'. Even when we had sex the second time just suddenly climbed on top of me and stuck his cock in again.

I reacted by saying ' Sorry, did you just say I didn't impress your cock?' He answered in the affirmative. I told him that no-one had ever (we are both in our forties) spoken to me with such a lack of respect, and that was a disgusting thing to say that was designed to humiliate me. He looked taken aback and said ' You think I have not been respectful? No, baby, if you knew me you would know I have a pure heart'. I can't remember what else I said but at some point he picked up on the fact I wasn't going to bed with him again as he looked astonished and said, 'So you aren't coming back to mine?' I spluttered 'No! How can you think I will, you think I am going to abase myself in the pursuit of impressing your cock? You are never seeing me naked again'.

He maintains that I over-reacted because of my issues.

OP posts:
tallglassof · 07/09/2019 17:44

Thanks for the link

murasaki · 07/09/2019 17:46

I was only looking for their opinion on the football, honest gov, and recognised the title having read this thread earlier. Am surprised they have 'journalists' scoring MN on a Saturday...

SunshineCake · 07/09/2019 17:51

busybarbara did you understand the OP? How would her be shagginghim again the OP thinking with her fanny since the sex wasn't productive in the first, or second, place ?HmmConfused

Qwertyguerty · 07/09/2019 18:01

You were dating a softboi

Aridane · 07/09/2019 18:01

Awesomely grim thread - I nominate for Classics

hoopdaloo · 07/09/2019 18:08

Ah man. What a thing to say to a person. Grin

Best comment 'DickAdvisor'. Lolz.

SunshineCake · 07/09/2019 18:10

This thread is not classics worthy. Don't be silly.

Tinyandpetite · 07/09/2019 18:22

I’m so sorry OP, calling him a cock isn’t enough. Your too good for a twat like him!!

Aridane · 08/09/2019 00:24

Love that it's in the Daily Star. Who knows, maybe the UnimpressorofVaginas will econ come across the article?!

Als love that they won't spell c*ck put in full Grin

Aridane · 08/09/2019 00:25

DickAdvisorGrin

Babysharkisanearworm · 08/09/2019 01:25

So his cock wasn't impressed? Did his cock expect to be entertained? Was your vagina supposed to tell it jokes, break into song or do a tap dance? Perhaps some fire breathing or sword swallowing would have impressed it?
Poor vag was fighting boredom so much it forgot the words to that shakespear sonnet?
If you ever bump into him again and he has pulled some other unsuspecting woman, you should definately expect to grab her in the ladies loo and tell her that he likes his cock to receive at least one full verse of Barry Manilow Copacabana whilst juggling his balls to the rhythm of the chorus.

greentheme23 · 08/09/2019 01:35

Were you shagging Dirk Diggler because those lines sound straight out of a sleepy 70s movie?

greentheme23 · 08/09/2019 01:35

Sleezy not sleepy😆

mindproject · 08/09/2019 01:45

I'm so happy I don't bother with men anymore.

RosesAndRaindrops · 08/09/2019 01:51

Ewwww. How did you presumably even manage to keep a straight face, I'd have got an attack of the giggles Grin

Knitclubchatter · 08/09/2019 02:06

wow, first a funny thread. well done OP for posting and making light of this dreadful situation.
but newspaper worthy by page 10!!!
i hope the dick reads it

LemonPrism · 08/09/2019 02:19

No I wouldn't sleep with someone again who ever said that to me. And if he tried to fuck me after 30 seconds he'd discover it's literally impossible. He's a weirdo

Pretenditsaplan · 08/09/2019 05:42

All i can imagine is his dick dressed as old queen victoria "we are not amused!"

SirTobyBelch · 08/09/2019 06:55

Were you shagging Dirk Diggler because...

Please! Not "shagging". She was "romping" with him. The Daily Star says so.

PhilCornwall1 · 08/09/2019 07:26

Bugger me, they did too!

londonrach · 08/09/2019 07:31

Why was there a second time? Show him the door.

Butchyrestingface · 08/09/2019 07:38

The way you describe this encounter is so grim.

I think it sounds quite rapey (especially the second encounter) but I appear to be reading it differently from most people on this thread. 🤷‍♀️

AppleHEAD · 08/09/2019 07:41

So he did nothing for you the first time and you still went back? You deserve better.

Butchyrestingface · 08/09/2019 07:42

Why was there a second time? Show him the door

There was a second time because he suddenly climbed on top and “stuck his cock in again”.

I’m perplexed at the reception this thread is getting. I’ve seen women post similar on threads about partners doing this and they get told they’ve been assaulted and to call the police/LTB.

AnneKipanki · 08/09/2019 07:48

Liked your verses @Coffeeandchocolate9

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