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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

You didn't impress my cock

314 replies

UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 12:13

AIBU to think that literally no woman ever would be ok with a guy she had recently shagged saying this to her? Especially when he expected her to shag him again?

I recently shagged a guy who said this to me. He thinks my reaction to his helpful feedback was due to 'my own issues' and 'most women wouldn't have reacted like that.'

Before you think I am shit in bed, here's what happened. So I shagged this guy I had a couple of dates with. He orgasmed twice, me not at all. His complaint about me 'not impressing his cock' was due to me not touching his cock with my hand or mouth. When he explained this, I said, ' so where in the 30 seconds that elapsed between us starting to kiss and you taking off my clothes and sticking your cock in me was I supposed to give you a blow job?' He said ' ah yes, I am not very good at foreplay'. Even when we had sex the second time just suddenly climbed on top of me and stuck his cock in again.

I reacted by saying ' Sorry, did you just say I didn't impress your cock?' He answered in the affirmative. I told him that no-one had ever (we are both in our forties) spoken to me with such a lack of respect, and that was a disgusting thing to say that was designed to humiliate me. He looked taken aback and said ' You think I have not been respectful? No, baby, if you knew me you would know I have a pure heart'. I can't remember what else I said but at some point he picked up on the fact I wasn't going to bed with him again as he looked astonished and said, 'So you aren't coming back to mine?' I spluttered 'No! How can you think I will, you think I am going to abase myself in the pursuit of impressing your cock? You are never seeing me naked again'.

He maintains that I over-reacted because of my issues.

OP posts:
PinkiOcelot · 07/09/2019 15:06

Urghhh. That actually makes me feel a bit sick.

Thornhill58 · 07/09/2019 15:08

He should get his money back from those tantric sex classes.

TheRollingCrone · 07/09/2019 15:12

How awful OP - what an arse. If he ever has the affrontery to contact you again tell him "If your cock was half as big as your ego, I might consider it, but it's not so get to fuck"

WineBrewCakeFlowers

Good luck in meeting a nice man

Thornhill58 · 07/09/2019 15:14

@Mysterian you really made me laugh. You most be so fun to have as a friend. Grin

ThighThighOfthigh · 07/09/2019 15:14

I'd like to hear about his cock, i doubt I'll be impressed.

Original poster
UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 15:16

theres no way it could be a language barrier?

Are you taking the piss?

OP posts:
Historydweeb · 07/09/2019 15:17

Literal bellend. Get in the bin

DailyMailcanfuckthefuckoff · 07/09/2019 15:23

Sounds like he's been watching too much porn. Grim Envy

As a side note, Turkish women (in Turkey) don't do oral sex - it's seen as a filthy act appropriate for prostitutes, and sometimes even they won't do it (have had that confirmed by many, many Turkish people I have worked with.) It seems incredibly cheeky for him to expect it from you!

chickenyhead · 07/09/2019 15:23

At least he didn't say it whilst caressing the back of your neck in a down girl motion...

womenspeakout · 07/09/2019 15:24

This is just grim.

Why hook up with guys like this? they're awful and not worth it. Surely if you're in need, just take care of yourself and masturbate and then you don't have to put up with these fuckwits.

Why sleep with him a second time if all he did was stick it in you in 30 seconds?

You'll avoid the inevitable STD that will result from being with guys like this too.

Original poster
UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 15:26

Chickenyhead - I didn't think there was a way what he said could have been worse, but you found it! Grin

OP posts:
chickenyhead · 07/09/2019 15:27

Lots of OLD seen too much...sorry Grin

Original poster
UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 15:28

womenspeakout - sigh - appears there is nothing that a man does which doesn't become the woman's responsibility.

OP posts:
Sashkin · 07/09/2019 15:28

I think he thinks he is some sort of deeply spiritual progressive man

IME the Yoga Bros are the worst for this. So spiritually elevated that women should fall at their feet/put up with whatever shit they throw at them. And don't try to restrict their Qi by insisting on them not cheating on you either. If they feel a spiritual bond with some chick they meet in their Kundalini class (sorry practice), it would be ethically wrong for them not to fuck her, and a sign of your bourgeois repression if you object to it.

Grew up in Brighton, a lot of these pricks move down there and do ostentatious fire juggling on the seafront at night to pick up easily impressed teenage girls. You recognise the type once you've met two or three of them, they are all very very similar. Best leave them to date their female equivalent, the bikini-clad hoola-hoop artistes.

womenspeakout · 07/09/2019 15:31

womenspeakout - sigh - appears there is nothing that a man does which doesn't become the woman's responsibility.

That's not what I'm saying though, but who you hook up with IS your responsibility.
You went back to him and chose him in the first place!

Original poster
UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 15:36

Womenspeakout - yeah it is what you are saying and you can't even be arsed to read the full thread to find out that the story line you have created for me is wrong.
I did not go back to him. And you can't unchose an arsehole before he has revealed himself to be an arsehole.
But you go ahead and lay it all on my 'issues'. You have a lot in common with him really, would you like his number? I think you'll get on.

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 07/09/2019 15:36

I just threw up a bit in my mouth.

tallglassof · 07/09/2019 15:42

but he didn't say this, you said it and he agreed and what an odd thing to say as well. of course you knew his cock was impressed because he orgasmed TWICE. Yes he's an arse but your title is such a clickbait its annoying. Grin Confused

BrightYellowDaffodil · 07/09/2019 15:43

No, baby, if you knew me you would know I have a pure heart'.

You'd run screaming from that, but only once you'd stopped laughing Grin

tallglassof · 07/09/2019 15:44

from his expression 'pure heart' it sounds like his English is bad and didn't understand your sarcasm. This is what can happens when you get on with someone based on physical attraction only unfortunately. better luck next time!

anotherypasswordtoremember · 07/09/2019 15:45

Ew. Cancel him. Vibrators have better manners.

youarenotkiddingme · 07/09/2019 15:45

He sounds like one the characters in a series I'm currently reading.

Which believe me - is less of a good thing than the Teasdale he cane out with.

Glad you have enough self respect to not give a shit if his cock was happy or not!

Original poster
UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 15:47

@tallglassof

I have no idea what you are talking about. He did say this. He said ' You didn't impress my cock' I said, 'I'm sorry, did you just say I didn't impress your cock' He said, 'yes, you did not impress my cock. You did not touch it'. And so on.

I think my OP is pretty clear. Everyone else seems to have got it.

OP posts:
MNHQ
YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet · 07/09/2019 15:51

Hello all - a polite request to lay off the troll hunting please. It breaks our Talk Guidelines and repeat offenders may find themselves suspended...

You all know we can't completely vouch for anyone, but OP has been on the site for ages and we've no reason to think she's anything but genuine.

Sorry you found yourself in the company of such a monumental gobshite @UnimpressorOfCocks, lets hope he crawls back to the cave he crawled out of. Flowers

Thanks.

LadyEvangelineEdwards · 07/09/2019 15:53

See, this is why I only sleep with millennials these days