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AIBU?

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Original poster

You didn't impress my cock

314 replies

UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 12:13

AIBU to think that literally no woman ever would be ok with a guy she had recently shagged saying this to her? Especially when he expected her to shag him again?

I recently shagged a guy who said this to me. He thinks my reaction to his helpful feedback was due to 'my own issues' and 'most women wouldn't have reacted like that.'

Before you think I am shit in bed, here's what happened. So I shagged this guy I had a couple of dates with. He orgasmed twice, me not at all. His complaint about me 'not impressing his cock' was due to me not touching his cock with my hand or mouth. When he explained this, I said, ' so where in the 30 seconds that elapsed between us starting to kiss and you taking off my clothes and sticking your cock in me was I supposed to give you a blow job?' He said ' ah yes, I am not very good at foreplay'. Even when we had sex the second time just suddenly climbed on top of me and stuck his cock in again.

I reacted by saying ' Sorry, did you just say I didn't impress your cock?' He answered in the affirmative. I told him that no-one had ever (we are both in our forties) spoken to me with such a lack of respect, and that was a disgusting thing to say that was designed to humiliate me. He looked taken aback and said ' You think I have not been respectful? No, baby, if you knew me you would know I have a pure heart'. I can't remember what else I said but at some point he picked up on the fact I wasn't going to bed with him again as he looked astonished and said, 'So you aren't coming back to mine?' I spluttered 'No! How can you think I will, you think I am going to abase myself in the pursuit of impressing your cock? You are never seeing me naked again'.

He maintains that I over-reacted because of my issues.

OP posts:
Nomoremilk · 07/09/2019 16:57

The way you describe this encounter is so grim.
The pair of you speak so horribly.

JacquesHammer · 07/09/2019 16:58

The pair of you speak so horribly

Which bit of what the OP says are you objecting to? Confused

Original poster
UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 17:03

Feel free to substitute your own word Nomore.

OP posts:
Nomoremilk · 07/09/2019 17:04

His complaint about me 'not impressing his cock' was due to me not touching his cock with my hand or mouth. When he explained this, I said, ' so where in the 30 seconds that elapsed between us starting to kiss and you taking off my clothes and sticking your cock in me was I supposed to give you a blow job?' He said ' ah yes, I am not very good at foreplay'. Even when we had sex the second time just suddenly climbed on top of me and stuck his cock in again

Just grim. What a description.

Isleepinahedgefund · 07/09/2019 17:05

I'm sorry you came across such an idiot but also thanks - this has made me chuckle all afternoon.

Why don't you ask him to put his cock on the phone so you can apologise?

It's a good job not all men are like this, because the human race would die out pretty quickly. Plus we would be deprived of the entertainment.

AnneKipanki · 07/09/2019 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

leaserspottedmummybird · 07/09/2019 17:06

LolGrinGrinGrinGrinGrin😂😂😂😂😂😂 I'm sorry op but this has got me laughing hard. Are you for real?

JacquesHammer · 07/09/2019 17:06

Just grim. What a description

Ah, so your delicate sensibilities have been offended?

I mean, would you have preferred the OP to have used words like “deflowering”?

Zoflorabore · 07/09/2019 17:06

This sort of shit confirms I am definitely bi-curious Grin

Good luck tonight op, make sure this one knows your fanny has an Olympic gold medal in impressing cocks.... or maybe not.

ThighThighOfthigh · 07/09/2019 17:07

I shagged an OLD with the most stupendous cock in the world. He was so, so, so crap in bed. Plus a horrible person.

I could have wept at the sheer waste.

dirtyrottenscoundrel · 07/09/2019 17:07

This makes, ‘I’ll call you’ seem positively romantic.

chickenyhead · 07/09/2019 17:12

Oh wow, I could have worded it so so so much more crudely

Holds back temptation to use the words gash and bellend

Original poster
UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 17:15

Dearieme Nomore, dearie me.

OP posts:
LaMarschallin · 07/09/2019 17:18

Just grim. What a description

Ah, so your delicate sensibilities have been offended?

I mean, would you have preferred the OP to have used words like “deflowering”?

Well, quite.
A perfectly factual and vivid description. Without unnecessary detail, which could have been grim. I'm sure it was for poor OP.

You more of a "Mills & Boon" admirer?

"Our lips met, tongues searching.
Then, I felt his hardness encroaching between my thighs..."

Or perhaps Rachel from Friends describing the "throbbing pens" and "heaving beasts" with their "niffles" again.

Helendee · 07/09/2019 17:33

Whatever happened to romance? 😆
OP please say he used a condom! 🤨

tallglassof · 07/09/2019 17:33

It is grim because it is vivid. that's exactly why!

Nomore is entitled to find it grim, I did too. People saying they spilled their coffee and laughing.. I didn't have that reaction but i'm not having a go at them for finding it hilarious.. Confused

chickenyhead · 07/09/2019 17:35

And yet we are on page 10

tallglassof · 07/09/2019 17:35

@ThighThighOfthigh I find this to be true when they are hung they dont tend to try. smaller guys tend to be more skilled.

murasaki · 07/09/2019 17:35

You've made the Daily star (yes I know, but was surfing the tabloids...)

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 07/09/2019 17:35

@AnneKipanki

OH-oo-oh so you think you're something special
Oh-oo-oh you think you're something else

Okay , so you 've a pure heart
That don't impress me much,
So you got the bollocks but have you got the touch
Don't get me wrong , yeah , I think you're a delight
But that won't make me orgasm in the middle of the night
That don't impress me much

Ok, so you're a Yoga dude,
That don't impress me much
(Ow ow, chafes my foof)
So you've got the downwards dog but you haven't turned me on
Don't get wrong I think your Ayuveda is a cracker
But that won't be enough to light up my base chakra
That don't impress me much

Ok, so you're a Tantra Wanker
That don't impress me much
(Ow ow, chafes my foof)
That means you got the moves
but I ain't seen it in your touch
Now don't get me wrong yeah I'd like to go exotic
But you've left me reaching to buy you
A basic book on erotic
Thay don't impress me much

tallglassof · 07/09/2019 17:39

@murasaki link?

LaMarschallin · 07/09/2019 17:40

Nomore is entitled to find it grim, I did too.

Fair enough.
I bridled a bit because I thought the description was fair but also because Nomore said they both spoke so horribly.

I don't think the OP said anything "horrible" either in her description or to old Pure Heart. He sounded horrible, certainly.

murasaki · 07/09/2019 17:41

www.dailystar.co.uk/real-life/mumsnet-aibu-sex-advice-insult-19779148

Not sure if this will work

murasaki · 07/09/2019 17:41

ah, looks like it did.

tallglassof · 07/09/2019 17:44

'old pure heart' Grin love it