I shook his bloody hand

[costacostsalot]

There's a man I see all the time, we don't know each other.
I went to coffee shop with my son and he was there with his children, we were sitting near each other so started having a chat. We was having a lovely conversation about the summer holidays, the weather, the children and nothing flirty, just a chit chat. I realised the time and needed to head off. For some unknown reason I got up, leant over and shook his bloody hand!!!!!
Why????? I have no idea where it came from!!! Aibu to just avoid him forever, it's weird isn't it and he's going to think I'm odd 😐😐

My lovely and v funny ex boss was in a top London restaurant with a v important client once (she was Publisher of a fashion mag at the time). She’d been there a few times and thought the Maitre D may recognise her. As he greeted her + client, he leant forward and she thought he was going in for a kiss so she also leaned over and kissed him. He turned his head and she ended up kissing him on the lips by accident. Unfortunately he was just leaning forward to find her name in the bookings book at the time. She was horrified and the client possibly marked her as a female Trump. I laughed for a fortnight when she told me. Awkward!!

A couple of years ago, one of my dad's cousins, let's call him Robert, who went to live in Australia when they were very young, got in touch to say he was in London and would like to visit. All arranged - lovely stuff.

The day came and around the time he was due to show up, my dad was keeping an eye out of the window as my parents' road is very long and the numbering a bit random so it can be tricky to find the house.

He sees a man of about the right vintage and colouring looking a bit lost near the house, but bear in mind they haven't seen each other for over 50 years, so he's not sure.

He approaches the man and says, 'are you Robert?'

'Yes!' says the man

'Come with me', say my Dad, steering Robert by the arm to the open front door.

Turns out it was the wrong guy. This Robert was quite alarmed - he was just trying it get to the tube station.

God knows what he must have thought, being accosted by an older guy in the street who knew his name!

Put it down to nerves and have a joke next time about it

I'm pleased that I might not be a complete weirdo. God knows what colour my face will go when I see him next though 😐 I still feel embarrassed about it 😂

Haha don't worry I do cringey stuff like that all the time. I blew someone a kiss once...

Being a bloke he probably didn't even notice.

What I want to know is: do you fancy him and are you going back?

Not weird at all. A handshake nowadays is just an acknowledgement to a meeting or conversation ending. Are you not usually polite?

Gorgeous dentist: Just a wee reminder those antibiotics might interfere with oral contraception
Me: Don't worry, unfortunately THAT won't be a problem

I said "night night" to an important client on the phone once

Nothing wrong with shaking anyone's hand. I think that's a nice friendly-but-not-too-friendly goodbye. Touch is good and a handshake is friendly without being flirty. I approve.

I once sent my electrician a "big hugs" emoji when he texted to say he would be there after lunch. I thought it was a "two thumbs up" emoji.

I met Alan McGee last night. (Legendary owner of Creation Records, signed Oasis among others). Posed for a picture with him. For some reason, I reached over and tickled his beard. Have spent today slightly mortified.

I was sat on my doctors bench with one of they nhs gowns on that are quite exposing waiting on an injection... he walked in and i winked at him in a flirty way.... oh god how i wish I’d shook his hand 🤭

@Cindas I am actually crying over this. Can't breathe. That is one of the funniest things I've ever read.
I really can't overestimate how funny I am finding this thread

Live in London and use the buses a lot. As i get off I always call out "thank you driver". I've done it a couple of times when getting off a tube train. Don't think the driver heard me but the carriage had a good laugh

Literally crying over some of these stories. Best post ever 🤣

Am still chuckling over the cream cake one in the cafe. And the fist bump. Been laughing over these all day.

Most awkward hug ever at work today. We just couldn't match our arms

I go to a couple of local hairdressers as I invariably book a blow dry at the last minute. Without exception, I always, allllllllways thank them for a great blowjob.

Years ago I told a lovely gentleman I was chatting to at work who was in full African attire that I better get on as my mangers are like slave drivers 😳 I’ve never used that phrase ever !! I just kept walking whilst dying inside

BEST THREAD EVER

I used to go swimming with my husband after work. The pool was always quiet. Usually just my husband and I. We used to lane swim in the same lane. One day, just the two of us as usual. He stops to take a break at the end of the lane in the shallow end. So I take a deep breath, swim half a length under water (without my goggles on) and grab him by the crotch before popping up face to face right in front of...some completely random man!!! My husband emerged from the steam room several minutes later, where he had evidentially slipped away to. I had a job explaining to him what had happened. He's 6ft 2, light brown hair and incredibly slender. The chap whose balls I had fondled was about 5ft and Chinese!

I'm always uncomfortably over familiar with people! I bumped into someone who's place of work I used to pass on the school run until I moved house. He politely asked if we'd moved as he didn't see us anymore. I then started saying what a shame it was we'd moved and implied I really missed him it was so awkward and cringe!

I told the 60-something waitress who brought our food over in a cafe "good girl, well done"

In my defence, I'd just dealt with an EPIC tantrum from ds while trying to feign interest in the picture DD was colouring in and just got mixed up. The worst part was I was so exhausted I couldn't even apologise to the lady, just sighed and looked at the floor in defeat.

Shaking hands is fine! ........... one of the mums from nursery started chatting to me for the first time in the park this week and repeatedly told me it's time I had another baby, I told her i wint be having any more and she kept going, eventually said "well I'm not gonna get pregnant my husband Is too busy shagging his 25 year old secretary" and walked off absolutely mortified. Never spoke to this woman before 😱 also have a really snobby unfriendly neighbour who never spoke to me in the 2 years I've lived here. Decided to go up to her when pissed one night and tell her " her sister and I knew each other very well because sister had done my smear that day" needless to say that was the only and only conversation we have ever had 😱😱😱😱

Surely worthy of Classics?

Also was running a local toddlers group and organised a Christmas party. Another person had organised someone they knew to be Santa. I went upto a man and asked if he was Santa he said no but I could sit on his knee if I wanted. he was a grandad of one of the kids there for the xmas party