I shook his bloody hand

[costacostsalot]

There's a man I see all the time, we don't know each other.
I went to coffee shop with my son and he was there with his children, we were sitting near each other so started having a chat. We was having a lovely conversation about the summer holidays, the weather, the children and nothing flirty, just a chit chat. I realised the time and needed to head off. For some unknown reason I got up, leant over and shook his bloody hand!!!!!
Why????? I have no idea where it came from!!! Aibu to just avoid him forever, it's weird isn't it and he's going to think I'm odd 😐😐

I met a friend who was a nurse on his way to work one evening. We chatted for a few minutes, then as he walked off up the street I called after him "have a good night". Except I couldn't decide whether to say have a good night or have a good shift.
I yelled "have a good shite" after him.

Am laughing at have a good shite!

Have a good shite!!! 😂😂😂
& Keith! ❤️

Can't read anymore!!!! I'm.laighing so hard.

Thanks everyone... A sad dayade brighter by your stories!!!

Have a good shite-love it

Can't we keep this thread going? I keep revisiting it hoping for some more gems. I'm still chuckling over half of them (whilst cringing at my own faux Pas).

I was in fits of silent laughter reading the Keith story. Proper belly chuckles on a packed train. Please keep the thread going!

Dd1 was having a phone conversation with grandsons headmaster.
She ended the conversation with ' Bye...love you'..

We're having building work done to the house. I'd just got off the phone with DH, went out to ask the builders a question. When I'd finished talking to them I just went that's fine, have a good day love you. Absolutely mortified, they've thankfully not mentioned it. 🥺

Once in boots I was purchasing baby milk, till assistant is gushing over little one, a very smiley baby at the time. She hands me my change I'm about to say "lovely thanks" instead in a rather loud voice I say "love you" safe to say I didnt go back in there for a long time after that 😂

Racked my brain and remembered another one. A few years back I was in the park chatting to some of the mums from my son's preschool, whom I barely knew. We had just come back from taking our cat to the vets. At the vets we had discussed that the cat would be one year old soon. Kids playing happily in the park with my son, when one little girl runs up excitedly to her mother and asks if she can come to our cat's birthday party! Instead of inquiring whether this was a legitimate invitation, her mother simply said, "yes of course you can" before politely thanking me for the kind invite. Before I had chance to respond, another girl did the same and yet again, her mum simply accepted the invitation! I didn't want to embarrass the mums by telling them that, "of course I wasn't holding a bloody birthday party for the cat and that they were idiotic for blindingly accepting such an invitation", so found myself awkwardly and hesitantly nodding along (still they didn't get the message). A week later, there was a queue of little girls, all wearing their party dresses clutching little wrapped presents for the cat! I felt like such a twat!! I like to remind my son of this incident every now and again!

Cor did you have a party or turn them away?

@ThighThighOfthigh

I erm.... I had a bloody cat's birthday party. With a cake an all!! I tried to find a picture of it to post.

The cat's birthday party!

CorBlimey I love you a little bit for that.

@CorBlimeyGovenor that’s adorable!! Bet the cat loved it

@CorBlimeyGovenor Love this!! ❤️

I went to visit a client at his house (I’m an accountant and it was a formal meeting) and for some reason when I left I leant in and gave him a hug and a kiss. I don’t know who was more surprised. I giggled all the way home.

DS football coach called round unexpectedly to give DS an end of season trophy. I will call the coach Neil.
DS was upstairs in his bedroom gaming, and so instead of going up to fetch him I instead went to the bottom of the stairs and literally bellowed “NEIL!!!!” Neil isn’t DS name, it’s the coach’s name. Coach was standing in the doorway, neither of us acknowledged why I was shouting his name instead of DS name.

I remember having a phone interview for a possible job when DC were very young. All went OK until the end, saying goodbye and the usual polite pleasantries, I said “thank you, that’s great, goodbye..” then I randomly blurted out “Hello!” at the end just before putting the phone down. Why just why?? I didn’t get the job....

I also always forget my own children’s dates of birth when asked by a health official. The precedent was set 14 years ago when the Health Visitor asked me to confirm DS1 dob over the phone. My mind went blank, I eventually came out with DH birthday, realised that was wrong, mumbled a bit then said our wedding anniversary date. Eventually my mind unblocked and I remembered the day I gave birth! Wtf

Still doing it 14 years later, on the phone yesterday to 111 for some advice re DS2 age 13. The call handler asked me to confirm his dob to which I said 15th September 2006... DS mentions in the background “but I was born in May”
It’s only ever on the phone that I don’t have a clue....

I am very socially awkward and come from a family of non huggers/kissers. I have a distant uncle who always kisses people on the cheek to greet them. Well he probably doesn't anymore since I moved the wrong way headbutting him in the face and broke his nose. I still feel awful about it.

Ha. The cat did enjoy it, as did all the children and it was fun, but I felt such an idiot going ahead with it, purely to save the embarrassment of those hapless mums who had accepted a ludicrous invitation from a three year old! My friends still all take the piss out of me over it. I get lots of requests to have another one!

I once mistook an actor from EastEnders as being a dad from school (no idea why just placed him as a school dad because I recognised him from the TV). We were in the line for the post office and I just started chatting away asking how things were ect. All I got was an icey stare back. That was when it dawned on me who it was. I went bright red and apologized saying I thought they were someone else. I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. The other people in the line found it funny.

Corblimey i think you win the thread thats great!

Shutup that reminds me of an occasion in my youth, many many years ago, when I was working on the fitting room of a clothes shop in Covent Garden. A woman came in who I recognised, so I started chatting to her like she was an old friend, while trying to place her. I was really quite over-familiar when advising her on how the outfits she’d chosen looked . It was only after she’d paid for the items and left the shop that I realised she was an actress on Neighbours.

You’d think I’d have learnt from this, but no. Not all that long afterwards, I’d changed jobs and was now working as airline crew. Preparing to take off on a flight to Bermuda, fellow crew members kept saying to me “Oh, you’ve got Jamie and Louise in your section.”

I didn’t recognise them, but for some reason assumed they must be off duty crew members going on their hols, who had been upgraded to Club, as everyone seemed to know them. I chatted away to them, again in an embarrassingly over-familiar way, and it wasn’t until halfway through the flight that I discovered they were not crew, they were Jamie Redknapp and Louise Nurdin, on their way to get married.

🤦🏻‍♀️

I was walking home last week when I saw our neighbour coming around the corner and out of our close in his van so I gave him a big smile and a great big friendly wave when he was a bit closer...it was only when he was driving right by me and I was still in the process of waving that I realised that it wasn't our neighbour. I'm assuming it was a parcel delivery man.
I tried to style out the wave by making out that the non-existent wind was blowing my hair into my face and I was trying to stop it.