AIBU to be concerned about dd's celebrity crush?

[Albatross454]

Hi everyone. I have one twelve year old ds and a fifteen year old dd.
Recently (around a month ago) Dd has discovered a man on the internet (I wouldn't really call him famous, but there are a lot of 'fans' that are her age. People make instagram accounts dedicated to him!) Called Caleb Finn. From what she's told me he dances around in his room to make 'tik tok' videos for his fans. He isn't really that attractive in my opinion - he looks about fourteen (He's a twenty four year old man who still wears braces and dresses in baby blue hoodies) and she's getting obsessed. She's currently being assessed for high functioning ASD, her brother has it too. From watching videos that she has shown me I don't understand why she likes him so much... He honestly looks so young!!!
Anyway, dd has now sent a letter off to him all the way to Australia for him to read on a video that he will be making soon. She has a 'fan account' of him on instagram and he has liked one of her posts. He is all she wants to talk about now. Sometimes she starts crying because she will 'never find a man who looks like him' though he looks quite average, in my opinion. Most men would look like him if they had the haircut. I feel really sorry for her and I know how it feels to have celebrity crushes at her age. She's been acting really sad recently because of it and I don't know what to do How have you coped with your children's crushes? I'd really appreciate some advice right now! Thank you x

Another thing is that she's never felt this way before. She's never been the type of girl to even have crushes on boys in her class etc, it's all come on so suddenly and I feel so bad for her.

If she has ASD tendencies, this might not just be a crush but a special interest. So not just romantic feelings, but wanting to know everything about that subject( in this case human).

He looks like a boy rather than a man which is often what girls of that age like (non threatening), I remember my teenage celebrity crush and thinking that he was the only man I'd ever love, I imagine being ASD (if that is the case) she is more obsessive than typically but apart from the crying this seems like typical teenage crush behaviour. I think I'd let her talk, monitor it but ride it out (it will pass) and unless she starts self harming or really getting depressed I don't think you need to worry. On another note it's not all about looks, I imagine she finds his persona attractive as well!

@lifecouldbeadream I was actually thinking that. she's utterly OBSESSED with him, and not just in a crush way. I actually find it sad.

I don't understand what you are concerned about exactly?

At her age I rather liked Donny Osmond and he would have been in his mid 20's.

Don't you remember the great meltdown of youth when Take That disbanded.

I wouldn't really call him famous, I would - he's got a massive following he's picked up 3.2 million followers in less than 9 months

Don't be so dismissive of her feelings, you're really quite nasty about him. He's not in the market to appeal to you, he's her to appeal to preens and teens

I remember when I found out a celeb-crush of mine had a girlfriend and I cried for days. I think it's ok, normal to have huge unrequited loves at that age. She'll get over it. Also normal to hurt when our children hurt, even if it is over 24 yr old men with braces.

Wow I’ve just looked him up on insta and he’s very odd

Weird poses and titles to his posts and a few that are downright creepy or verging on sinister

How on earth did he get so popular?

@icecreamsoda99 Non threatening is the perfect way to describe him. She told she thinks he looks like an 'original beany baby' and I had to agree I watched a video of his and 'wholesome' is the only way to describe him. He seems very awkward and 'nerdy' (he has a fascination with video games and time travel, etc) I can see why he would appeal to her

Haha I do not think he is sinister! How so? He's a vaguely alternative/edgy pretty boy. Much better an Instagram one than a real life one writing her shit poetry and smoking bongs. Or whatever they do these days. Vape?

I wouldn't worry about this at all. It's an extremely common part of development, and it will run it's course. If you're fed up with hearing about him, tell her. She needs to learn boundaries and that we all don't share the same interests. It's not wrong of you to not want your peace and quiet hijacked by some dancing weirdo. If you think she's online too much, have black out times for the internet and shut it off.

@whatevskev Very creepy! She says it's his 'aesthetic' But I don't understand why he's posting this if he appeals to tweens and teens. He only got famous from dancing around in his bedroom...

I really would not worry too much. I was similar about Orlando Bloom and even made an email that contained the name mrs bloom. I bought all of his movies even if he just had one line in them, my walls were covered in his posters, same with the school locker. I customised my pencil case to have a picture of him on the outside and kept a picture in my locket. I eventually grew out of it. Lol my fiancé looks a bit like him so I guess I do have a type.

@angelsl0v3 I almost just fell out of bed laughing. Great humour

Reminded me of this from the Simpsons OP (hopefully image attaches) my teenage crush was equally inoffensive, I think it's a safe way to explore those feelings, the teenage boys in her class are probably too real and too flawed at the moment to be of interest!

At the same age I also cried because I would never meet or marry my celebrity crush. My mum was also unimpressed.

It’s 27 years later and the crush is long dead and I rarely think of him except that his life and death was quite sad. I have a partner of 14 years standing and I’m very happy.

It will pass. She’s practicing romantic love. Just let her feel her feelings. She’ll find a more realistic alternative eventually.

@Albatross454 if he is her type she could like a lot worse. He really seems none threatening. At least she is not attracted to bad boys that could lead her into trouble down the line

@icecream99 hahaha! The boys at her school are all 'not her type'

@tweebookworm I agree.

This is soooo normal. This will age me, but my teen crush was Johnny Depp when he was on 21 Jump Street (undercover cops posing as HS students). I was so crushing on him. It lasted for years. If SM had been around I would have started my own fan club!
I would not worry, part of the reason we get to indulge our fantasies at that age is because the object of our affections is utterly unobtainable. It sounds that way with your DD as her crush is in Australia- half a world away!

I'm sure you're supposed to humour teen girl crushes, and vaguely show interest when they rabbit on about them. At least that's what my parents did, and I could weave any conversation into talking about Nick Carter/Backstreet Boys. It passes

She sent me this video once. She said she watched the entire video
www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwjK9sfM_7zkAhVmQEEAHfUbBWoQtwIwAHoECAkQAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DoO8EMPUMpBM&usg=AOvVaw3BRw-tjB0h59E6AedoW0R4

Is this normal and i'm overreacting or is this something to be worried about?

I remember being like this but I don’t have asd. Teenage girls used to scream at the Beatles. I am sure they were pretty obsessed and knew a lot of inane facts.

My ASD DS is only 5 but gets major obsessions. There's only ever one thing he'll talk about. They normally last about 6 months. So we just get used to nodding and smiling or saying "I can't talk about this anymore right now but if you need to you can keep talking."
Your daughters obsession sounds just the same so I'd just react in the same way. A lot of teenage girls have crushes like this and Youtubers are the main celebrities these days (even though they do mostly nothing!) The only thing that is not typical is that she is talking to you about it, but that's great isn't it?

@doctorallcome I'm so happy with the advice that i'm getting! I'm hoping it won't last too long... dd keeps saying she will 'never find a man who looks like him' which breaks my heart, to be honest... Though i am sure she will!