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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be concerned about dd's celebrity crush?

134 replies

Albatross454 · 06/09/2019 20:40

Hi everyone. I have one twelve year old ds and a fifteen year old dd.
Recently (around a month ago) Dd has discovered a man on the internet (I wouldn't really call him famous, but there are a lot of 'fans' that are her age. People make instagram accounts dedicated to him!) Called Caleb Finn. From what she's told me he dances around in his room to make 'tik tok' videos for his fans. He isn't really that attractive in my opinion - he looks about fourteen (He's a twenty four year old man who still wears braces and dresses in baby blue hoodies) and she's getting obsessed. She's currently being assessed for high functioning ASD, her brother has it too. From watching videos that she has shown me I don't understand why she likes him so much... He honestly looks so young!!! Confused
Anyway, dd has now sent a letter off to him all the way to Australia for him to read on a video that he will be making soon. She has a 'fan account' of him on instagram and he has liked one of her posts. He is all she wants to talk about now. Sometimes she starts crying because she will 'never find a man who looks like him' though he looks quite average, in my opinion. Most men would look like him if they had the haircut. I feel really sorry for her and I know how it feels to have celebrity crushes at her age. She's been acting really sad recently because of it and I don't know what to do Sad How have you coped with your children's crushes? I'd really appreciate some advice right now! Thank you x

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 06/09/2019 21:11

Cross post. Omg 10 hours. That is quite some dedication if you can call it that. Idk when something goes to an obsession. But hopefully it will be a passing developmental phase.

tweebookworm · 06/09/2019 21:12

@Albatross454 again nothing to worry about I think if any teen girl crush had a 10 hour video they would watch it. Try not to over think it. It will pass

Original poster
Albatross454 · 06/09/2019 21:12

@jamhandprints We talk to each other as if i'm her best friend at school Grin I'm so glad to have a healthy relationship with my daughter and that she talks to me! Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
Albatross454 · 06/09/2019 21:13

@Tweebookworm I don't even think I believe her on watching the full ten hours Grin Very big dedication there!

OP posts:
raspberryk · 06/09/2019 21:13

Yabu, were you never a teenager?

tweebookworm · 06/09/2019 21:16

@Albatross454 I think you might forget how dedicated girls that age can be lol

Original poster
Albatross454 · 06/09/2019 21:16

@raspberryk I have been a teenager, yes. I know how it feels to have crushes (There was a boy in my class who I followed home multiple times when I was her age Blush) but I wasn't as obsessed as her. I'm just wondering if it's normal, that's all.

OP posts:
tweebookworm · 06/09/2019 21:16

@Albatross454 she sounds perfectly normal don't worry

Kitty1184 · 06/09/2019 21:17

I used to do the exact same thing about Mark Owen - particularly crying because I wanted him to be my boyfriend so much and I would never meet him 🙄

veryboredtoday · 06/09/2019 21:17

Haven't teenagers always had these sort of crushes.

All seems so tedious but she will most likely grow out of it and it will just be another embarrassing memory. If it persists beyond 17 / 18 years old, I might be worried.

Original poster
Albatross454 · 06/09/2019 21:19

@Tweebookworm thank you Flowers you've given some very good advice x

OP posts:
Buddyelf · 06/09/2019 21:24

Oh god teenage crushes. I remember being so in love with Leonardo DiCaprio that I cried after Romeo and Juliet because he’d kissed Clare Danes Hmm Tennage crushes are so intense and so real feeling, they’re awful, but they’re just that. Intense feelings that will pass.
I also remember my mum commenting that all my crushes were very non- threatening, all of them soft looking with blonde curtain style hair and blue eyes! God I hated being a teenager Grin

grassisntgreener · 06/09/2019 21:25

Former obsessive-teen here. It sounds normal I'm afraid. Some teens get crushes on boys in school, others go head over heels for unobtainable celebrities. I was mostly the latter, until I found a boy to chase when I was a bit older and then wouldn't leave him alone!

SweetPetrichor · 06/09/2019 21:26

I wouldn't worry, honestly, I think we all have this sort of reaction in our youth. I have ASD and I did the same thing in my teens. It's not a bad thing, it's not had any negative impacts, I've been in a healthy relationship since with my partner for 12 years (since 18)...but I still get obsessively attached to things. I remember telling my poor mum every detail about whatever I was obsessive with/crushing on when I was your daughters age.
Even without ASD, I think this is still perfectly within the realms of normality for teen girls.

dollydaydream114 · 06/09/2019 21:26

This all sounds pretty normal. I think most 15-year-old girls have pretty intense crushes - and these days social media stars have a similar status among teenagers that pop stars and film stars used to have when I was a teenager.

I had no idea who this Caleb Finn was so I Googled him and he absolutely does have that very non-threatening, dopey look that some teen girls really go for. To me it's absolutely cringey (and I didn't go for it when I was a teenager either - was never into wholesome types) but there are so many girls who seem really into that.

When I was 15 my celeb crushes were far more dubious than that so honestly, think yourself lucky! Half of mine were probably in their 40s Confused Also I was absolutely obsessed with horror films and had horror movie posters all over my room.

tweebookworm · 06/09/2019 21:26

@Buddyelf was all about the long brown hair and eyes here lol or very non-threatening Chinese/Japanese/Korean celebrities lol

AE18 · 06/09/2019 21:26

No advice on the ASD element and how hard she's taking it other than just keep an eye and ride it out because it will just be a phase, but you seem a bit overly obsessed with not being able to see the appeal of him. Would it be better if you also found the person she was this obsessed with attractive? And it strikes me as a bit creepy that you would see a man in his mid twenties as "too young" for a teenage girl, says a lot about why we as a society normalise much older men being with young women. He's not young, he's already too old for her even if he does look like a baby to you.

It really came across like you are concerned about the wrong things to me.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 06/09/2019 21:28

I think it’s quite normal

And with 24hr access to seeing/hearing him just makes it all seem more obsessional, if I could have watched Adam Ant, Morten Harket, Rob Lowe all day long I would have I was certainly obsessing about one or another at some point constantly

I am not sure we are meant to get our childrens teenage crushes it’s part of them growing up and forming their own ideas

Lobsterquadrille2 · 06/09/2019 21:29

I thought that DD would never get over her obsession with Harry Styles. I came home once to find his photograph affixed to the top of our Christmas tree. She followed him, his mother and his sister in Twitter and was obsessed with every detail of his life. Equally, I remember avidly collecting orange Smarties to send to Simon Le Bon.

Don't worry, OP. It will pass.

Asta19 · 06/09/2019 21:32

I was going to marry John Taylor from Duran Duran Grin it was absolutely going to happen and I was totally unwilling to countenance any alternative. We didn’t have YouTube in those days but if we did, god knows how many hours I would have spent watching him! Ironically I see pics of him nowadays and think “meh, nothing special”. I think teenage crushes are a right of passage and 100% normal.

24hourshomeedderandcarer · 06/09/2019 21:33

im still obsessed with my teenage crush at 38,ive never got over that feeling

watching him on you tube singing actually makes my heart skip a beat like it did then,im so obsessed i named my son after him

its stephen gately if you all wanted to know,my son is called gately(surname)

ive not gotten over his death truth be told

lifecouldbeadream · 06/09/2019 21:33

I think quite often ASD special interests are very intense, but serial, rather than mono. I’d think that she’ll lose interest eventually. If she struggles with interaction with her peers, then actually he might well be a safe ‘relationship’ for her, she can imagine a two way interaction with no awkwardness, I wouldn’t worry too much.

Original poster
Albatross454 · 06/09/2019 21:35

@AE18 Oh no! That's not what I meant at all. I just thought i'd say that it's harder for me to understand the appeal, so it is harder for me to help her as I haden't crushed on 'soft boys' at her age Grin
@Buddyelf a lot of her classmates like all the soft kpop boys haha
@dollydaydream114 The second paragraph honestly sums up what I'm thinking Grin

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 06/09/2019 21:36

@Asta19.

You are totally insane because John Taylor was going to marry ME! I had no doubt about it! Grin

I had literally hundreds of pics of him on my bedroom walls. The most ridiculous spectacle you've ever seen.

gonewiththelove · 06/09/2019 21:38

Don’t worry! Many girls and boys at that age gain celebrity ‘crushes’! It’s much better than her getting attached to a real life, awful boy.

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