AIBU to be concerned about dd's celebrity crush?

[Albatross454]

Hi everyone. I have one twelve year old ds and a fifteen year old dd.
Recently (around a month ago) Dd has discovered a man on the internet (I wouldn't really call him famous, but there are a lot of 'fans' that are her age. People make instagram accounts dedicated to him!) Called Caleb Finn. From what she's told me he dances around in his room to make 'tik tok' videos for his fans. He isn't really that attractive in my opinion - he looks about fourteen (He's a twenty four year old man who still wears braces and dresses in baby blue hoodies) and she's getting obsessed. She's currently being assessed for high functioning ASD, her brother has it too. From watching videos that she has shown me I don't understand why she likes him so much... He honestly looks so young!!!
Anyway, dd has now sent a letter off to him all the way to Australia for him to read on a video that he will be making soon. She has a 'fan account' of him on instagram and he has liked one of her posts. He is all she wants to talk about now. Sometimes she starts crying because she will 'never find a man who looks like him' though he looks quite average, in my opinion. Most men would look like him if they had the haircut. I feel really sorry for her and I know how it feels to have celebrity crushes at her age. She's been acting really sad recently because of it and I don't know what to do How have you coped with your children's crushes? I'd really appreciate some advice right now! Thank you x

Sounds normal and nothing you need to pathologise. Goodness, I had some obsessive celebrity crushes and would have watched 10 hour videos of them every day if I could have. Worse still: I wrote pages and pages of fanfiction about a fictional character crush. I'm completely neurotypical and in a happy marriage now. The feelings are so real; please don't make fun of her.

@Aquamarine1029

Ok, me and you, Monday in the playground, we will have to just duel this out

I just watched an AMA video of him on yt having previously never heard his name. I can see the teen appeal, he is cute. YouTube stars are real celebrities, if you think of it like tv but with a much bigger audience - you can see why they can become famous. They're like tv presenters.

I was obsessed with Eminem at least this boy is not threatening to kill his wife and calling her a slut

DD13 is also obsessed with Youtubers and Instagrammers! At least she's not drinking cider in the park and drooling over bad boys with their hands down their pants

This is very normal. I cried watching Whats Eating Gilbert Grape when I was 14 because I was 'in love' with Leonardo Di Caprio.
I don't understand your personal vitriol aimed at his looks. Most 15 year old girls like boys to look like boys, not grown men. Also people can wear braces at any age. They aren't comfortable. So he's not just wearing them for the fun of it.

Fair enough, though I would say I evolved from being interested in young pretty boys when I was maybe 11-12 all the way through to the chiseled 50 year old men types most adult women are into a few years later, so maybe your daughter is still in the first stage of that.

I think the part that feels weird and uncomfortable to us older generations is that people like this are not really celebrities the way we view the word (as in untouchable millionaires half the world away who we only interact with through the odd television interview) - they interact more openly and freely with their fan base and come across as "real people", so it seems more intimate and worrying to have a crush on them. This is just a byproduct of the social media celebrity, I guess, but it's very widespread these days.

With regards her feeling devastated that she won't find someone like him - I do think there is a point where most of us realise we will probably never be rich, beautiful and famous, and this is a bit of a sad thing to come to terms with, because of how much media we consume hyping it up. I also remember and have always been bemused by the amount of teenagers I see being devastated when their celebrity crush gets a partner and hating the girlfriend by default, as if they seriously believed they had a chance of ending up with them. It's very strange, but it seems to be a part of how we interact with celebrities when we are young. Most do seem to grow out of it eventually.

I think that it sounds like normal teen stuff to me. I can obsess over relationships, if I look back through all my crushes and relationships, I have got progressively less obsessive and laid back with each one.
Crushes are just try out relationships., and I think the non sexual non threatening thing is just what lots of teen girls want, and I’d rather that than obsessing about bad boys.
What is your worry op?

Normal teen stuff and I can also see his appeal!

Blimey I think that quite normal - I though all teenage girls did that - I did!

@ohyesiam my worry is just that she's getting really obsessed and it breaks my heart to watch her cry about him everyday

He is astonishingly plain, but apart from that, yes, all totally normal. I don’t think this is an ASD thing, it is a teenage girl thing. It will pass eventually.

I think it is a way of safely processing huge emotions, and learning to deal with them before falling in love with a real person.

@Albatross454

I know, it is hard to watch our kids tie themselves in knots over anything that we can see from an adult perspective is a waste of time/ energy/ emotion. Like when teens put each other through the mill in their friendships, or they break their heart trying to impress someone you can clearly see is not interested.

But sometimes I think that all the something like a crush are almost just somewhere to put all the turmoil and feelings of beings a teen. Like when they watch weepy movies just to have a good cry.

He posts stuff to appeal to teens and tweens because it’s making him a fuck load of money, clout and free stuff.

I agree though, he is painfully average. I’m sure it will pass, I had some very intense crushes when I was a tween. And the boys at school probably aren’t her “type” because they’re real and accessible and that is scary.

I find it a bit weird that he’s styled himself as a teenager but possibly I’m being OTT paranoid/ridiculous. Maybe 24 year olds look like this? I suppose Justin Bieber looked like that for a long time. As the OP says, appealing to teenage girls.

I remember being totally in love with Shawn Michaels (a wrestler). I used to record everything he was in, then when my parents went out I would take my VCR downstairs and connect it to the main one to make compilation tapes. I had things in German which I had recorded from when Sky showed those channels. I had pen pals where we would trade tapes, I remember watching in on the US equivalent of 'Win, Lose or Draw' and an episode of Baywatch. I remember pretending to be ill to skive of school because he was going to be on an episode of the Big Breakfast. I remember saving hundreds of pictures of him onto a floppy disk.I finally got tickets to see him live when I was 16, I CRIED like an idiot.

I don’t think it’s weird really, it’s a money making ploy.

It was only a few years that Zoe Sugg and Louise Pentland we’re making twee juvenile videos designed to appeal to and extort money out of children and tweens. Now Louise is making much more appropriate and enjoyable “mum” content, and Zoella is selling shitty advent calendars and has apparently rebranded herself as some kind of lifestyle influencer. Alfie Deyes makes shallow pointless videos for kids.

They are all making an absolute fortune. Your children are the vehicle through which they’re emptying your wallet of your hard earned cash. Children think they love these people and have the illusion of a genuine connection through like comments and retweets and things, but it’s all pretend.

It all seems fine and normal, except that ten hours long video is a clip of about, what, 4 or 5 seconds, on a continual loop? That doesn't seem very healthy for anyone to sit and watch for a long time.

Other than that, I think he seems like a nice lad and teenage crushes are healthy. Not that I am willing to share River Phoenix my past obsessions.

@slashlover This is exactly how she is with him

I thought intense teenage crushes were normal? Happy to be informed otherwise.

I was totally obsessed / 'in love' with Per Gessle from Roxette at 14/15. Which is even stranger than this Caleb, Per was 32 with odd hair and dress sense and none of my peers thought he was remotely attractive.

Although, to be fair he's aged okay and I still would even though he's now 60

He seems sweet enough, perfectly harmless.
I went through all that, still love Harry Styles and AJ Pritchard!, grew out of Matt Goss some years ago.
Dd was obsessed with Sam and Dean Winchester for years, drove me bloody mad, and she still goes to Comic Con to meet Tomska every year, I think this will be the 5thyear, but she has a great rl boyfriend too

Let her know his real name is James

When I was 11 my crush was Shawn Michaels the WWF wrestler 😳 he was about 34! (And looked it) 😳 I turned out ok through 😉

I’d try not to worry. All sounds perfectly normal to me.

@morgankitten really? I didn't know. I'll tell her How did you know?