DDs hair is disgusting and rubbish

[radioactiveimagination]

Had DD4 yes hair cut into cute bob yesterday. In preparation for starting school next week. All good. This morning though she is inconsolable, hates it, is disgusting (wants it long like a princess 🙄). I'm at a loss what to say and feel so guilty! What can I say to make it better? 'It'll grow back' is not cutting it.

I heard something when waiting at the barbers with our son last Friday that completely stumped me and I had to ask him to explain it.
There was a man with 4 young girls (this “barber” cuts anyone’s hair for £6. Not high end styling but competent basic cuts), eldest about 15, twins around 8 and a 10 year old or so. The twins had long blonde hair and when it was the first’s turn, dad instructed short bob. Eldest daughter said “no, that’s too short, she’ll be bullied”. Dad replied “that’s what your mum said so you’ll have to take responsibility”. She said “I will, I’m not having her picked on”.
I was astonished. My son (16) later told me that yes, certain haircuts do attract snide or offensive remarks and that bobs are the prime target. He keeps himself to himself and doesn’t understand why either but confirmed it is a problem.
I think bobs are lovely and am astonished at such a silly thing, but I’m 55.
I wonder if someone has said something nasty to her?

No wonder girls become so silly about 'being a Princess' when their parents call them 'Little Princess' and get the T-shirt, bedding, car sticker, etc. to go with it! There are only a very few 'real' Princesses after all!

To be honest after the initial comforting and acknowledging feelings I’d be jollying along. You can get too into the hand wringing with them things.

Just realised she’s 4 years old, thought you meant 4th DD 😊
Oh my goodness, well at 4 it can’t be bullying. I’d subscribe to the Princess theory too, little girls are fed a constant stream of tripe from Disney and the like of what Princesses are supposed to look like. I think times have changed too. Our daughter, 25 now, would happily have gone without brushing her hair for a week, let alone have worried about her hairstyle.

Like pp have said put something to make her hair look pretty and don't talk too much about it.

But generally don't go into extremes cutting her hair too much every time. My hair was ALWAYS cut short and I hated it. When she is a bit older consult with her.

My daughter would not have been interested in the princess thing, but she often has been a bit wobbly with the change of new hairstyles at first too.
I agree, dont handwring over this. Its not a big deal.
The difference between a bad haircut and a good haircut is often about 2 weeks

Also, I understand if you don't want to spend ages combing and doing braids but if she doesn't like it short just don't keep her hair too long. Kep it longish but manageable.

I'm with formerbabe 🥂

You know what? It’s hair. Unlike fingers and toes, it will grow back.

My daughter got her hair cut into a Bob this summer (after spending a year growing it). Problem is, she wants long hair that she doesn’t have to brush (she hates brushing) or tie up for school or short hair that can still be plaited.

Tell her its just hair and will grow. Then change the subject and go and do something nice.

Oh I remember this. My mum got my hair cut short before my first communion and I was so upset. She wasn’t cruel: just thought it looked smarter

Many many years ago, when I was a child (with short hair) my mum decided I would look nice with curly hair so every Sunday night she used to put my hair in rollers, which I then had to sleep in - it was agony!
Weirdly rather than being traumatised for life this is now a funny story for me to tell & my relationship with my mum hasn’t suffered at all

“A pixie haircut on a little girl looks lovely according to many posters, but a very short haircut on a boy looks chavvy and thuggish”

Different people have different opinions on a wide range of looks. There isn’t a MN Unimind.

The point is that we and our children are subject to loads of peer pressure and stereotyping and it is harder to be the one who goes against the stereotype, whatever it might be. And that a choice needs to be a choice, whatever that might be and whether or not it happens to co-incident with the stereotype.

Wanting long hair because you like it, it suits you and you are happy with the upkeep needed is great. Little girls feeling that their looks , hair and resemblance to a Princess is intrinsic to their self worth is restrictive.

Our beloved princess of hearts Meghan Markle has short hair.

🤣 no she doesn't .

Take her to see the new Dora film? Show her pictures of princesses with short hair?
Did she want it cut in the first place? Bobs take so much work to stay in style.

I was always forced to have a bob and dont see how they are practical at all, curling all round your face when it rains, curling round your face trying to do school work cant tie it up for anything?

Oh my goodness, well at 4 it can’t be bullying

Why on earth not?

My DD had a pixie cut at 4 (her choice). She was challenged pretty much everywhere, in the park, the swimming pool, we were stopped in the street. You're a boy, why are you wearing girls clothes/swimsuit/using the girls toilet. People point blank arguing with her, telling her she was a boy, and even when she corrected them insisting she was wrong. Children going and fetching parents to tell her that girls didn't have short hair, and she was a boy. And the parents actually coming over and agreeing she was a boy and joining in the pisstake of a boy in a dress.

I had old ladies stop me in the street and sneer because I shouldn't be letting my son out dressed in his sisters clothes.

It is bullying. Gender stereotyping has gone so far that society will bully small children for not conforming.

Fortunately DD just thought they all must be extremely thick if they thought short hair made you a boy. Especially as a lot of the older women had fucking short hair!!

Was also going to say princess/Lady Diana. Amazing short hair and she often did proper glam dressing, so there are some great "princessy" pics - but I'd also show her lady di in the minefield being kick-ass or hugging aids patients. Short-haired hero.

“This is the problem with society telling tiny girls from babyhood that their hair is a fucking asset and a measure of their worth. It’s a bloody liability! “

Juxopposed with dont shave, no one has to shave, shaving is god awful

You really couldnt write the crap that gets spouted on this forum at times

Yes, and it's SO much worse than when I was little. I was sometimes assumed to be a boy because I had short hair, but no one at school gave a toss and lots of other girls had short hair too.

However I have noticed just in the last year or so, getting short haircuts has become a fashion among girls at DD's school, and not just the eccentric or nerdy ones - the popular, "girly" girls too. I really hope we're on the way out of the ridiculous polarisation at last.

The little girl from Toy Story has short hair. I’d like hair like that for my daughter.

Chairman Mao haircuts !

Nice hair bands and a bit of swooshiness will sort it. Think she’s at the peak period of little girls wanting long hair really, by late y1/2 mine were coveting bobs and easy hair brushing and pretty hair slides!

Thanks for all the replies, even the ones suggesting I might have psychologically scarred her by not letting her hair grow down past her knees . As I said, I think she's fine now and her GPs have just made a big fuss over her beautiful new look. She's quite into Disney at the moment (among many other interests!) and I really think if more of the princesses had shorter hair it wouldn't have been such an issue. We've all struggled on this thread to find many short-haired examples of princesses, a bit more balance would be nice as we don't all get to have silky long locks, there's all different types of hair.

If you are going to mention Rapunzel, do hide the scissors.