DDs hair is disgusting and rubbish

[radioactiveimagination]

Had DD4 yes hair cut into cute bob yesterday. In preparation for starting school next week. All good. This morning though she is inconsolable, hates it, is disgusting (wants it long like a princess 🙄). I'm at a loss what to say and feel so guilty! What can I say to make it better? 'It'll grow back' is not cutting it.

My dd is only 2 but her hair has taken so long to grow, it's only just about bob length now but she looks absolutely adorable with it tied up in a little bobble or bunches and she has some lovely accessories. For school they need it tied up anyway so it's irrelevant how long or short it is. I bet if you look on you tube you can still put those little side plait things in a bob (no idea what they're called!)

I've also pointed out she looks like Dr Who, which has helped!

She's 4 she shouldn't care about how she looks. You are basically agreeing with her that her opinion that she doesn't look good is true.

No, if I was saying that, I'd say "yeah it is disgusting." All I was saying is, she is feeling upset, don't try to jolly her out of it.

I absolutely agree that you shouldn't fixate on it, either. Acknowledge she has a right to feel how she feels, in age-appropriate language, and then move on.

For a second there I was thinking how on earth it can be good to tell a child they look like Peter Capaldi.

My Mum used to do this every year, and I hated it. Suffice it to say that my daughters have never ever had their hair cut, and can now nearly sit on it.

I think the best thing to do is to take her feelings seriously and avoid the temptation to be brusque and move on. Say that you are very sorry for cutting her hair and you won't do it again unless she is absolutely sure. You'll make sure to give her lots of foods that will make her hair grow back really fast (you can fudge a bit here!), but also show her pictures of Princess Charlotte - a REAL Princess, not a made up one, who has a cute bob and pretty clips - all nice and fresh for starting school too! And of course Tangled at the end. And Mulan! (who has the added skill of being able to get her bob into a bun... ).

I think the poster above meant Diana when she said MM above, although I probably wouldn't pitch either woman to a 4 year old as they were/are both ANCIENT by a child's standards! Better to pitch any other royal children to a sorrowing 4 year old!

don't try to jolly her out of it.

Or, at least, trying to make her feel better wasn't working, so try this alternative.

Acknowledge her feelings and let her feel sad for a bit. Kids don't have to feel happy all the time. You're not a failure if they're not happy.

👌🏻 I don't think this is sad at all. Whether or not anyone else thinks her hair looks good / whether that style looks good on someone else is sort of irrelevant if she doesn't like it. Would any of the PPs really appreciate it if they got a haircut they didn't like and people started showing them lots of photos of other people pulling that style off well?
Acknowledging children's feelings is really important IMO.

Did she want a short bob?

“This is the problem with society telling tiny girls from babyhood that their hair is a fucking asset and a measure of their worth. It’s a bloody liability! “

This!!

My DD (9) has just got a pixie cut. Her choice. It looks amazing on her - she has incredible bone structure and her own style. But all she’s heard is how it’s ugly and she looks like a boy. Fucking depresses me how far we have to go.

Glad your wee one is coming round to her cut OP.

The typical attitude on here is that long hair on boys is fabulous and mother's have breakdowns over the thought of cutting their precious sons hair....whereas long hair on girls is tacky/unfeminist and they must be frogmarched to the hairdresser's for a nice sensible short hairstyle.

My mum did this to me... I seem to recall a selection of fancy alice bands sorted it out

She’ll get over it. Have you got a picture of your 80s pudding bowl to show her it could always be worse? 😂

THE CHILD IS ALREADY PRETTY MUCH OVER IT!

And RTFT. The child was consulted ‘

Awww bless her, OP. She probably did that thing where she saw herself first thing and out of habit was expecting to see pre-cut image. I did the same thing this morning having had my cut yesterday.

I've also pointed out she looks like Dr Who, which has helped

I was wracking my brains trying to think how the Jeff that would help, then I remembered it was Jodie Whittaker not Peter Capaldi

@MrsPellegrinoPetrichor

"you feel sad, don't you? It's horrible when you don't like how you look."

God almighty, seriously? Just distract her and get on with the day. If it wasn't her hair I imagine she'd be stropping about something else, she's 4!!

^ 100%

Also the comment "it's horrible when you don't like how you look" ... I would never ever say this to my child.. no matter what age or circumstance.

“The typical attitude on here is that long hair on boys is fabulous and mother's have breakdowns over the thought of cutting their precious sons hair....whereas long hair on girls is tacky/unfeminist and they must be frogmarched to the hairdresser's for a nice sensible short hairstyle.”

Bollocks; the overall message of all that is that being beholden to stereotyping serves no one well. Everyone can have long or short hair as preferred.

@radioactiveimagination

Same with my 4 year old.
She looked really good with her pixie haircut, but was relentlessly bullied by a group of girls, who called her a boy. This led to her going from loving her haircut to hating it and being in tears every night.

Matter of fact “oh Princesses have all sorts of hair, just like Explorers and Doctors and singers and vets. Shall we make a smoothie / go to the park / other distraction

This.
All this princess rubbish has a lot to answer for.

And FWIW, all the girls I know who have "long princess hair" or whose parents refuse to cut it, seem to have straggly little rats tails which go down a long way but have nothing to them. The kids with cut hair/bobs- their hair looks much thicker and generally better!

Bollocks; the overall message of all that is that being beholden to stereotyping serves no one well. Everyone can have long or short hair as preferred

Providing it doesn't fit stereotype.

A pixie haircut on a little girl looks lovely according to many posters, but a very short haircut on a boy looks chavvy and thuggish

I would also use this going forward if you ever need to - if you won’t let me brush your hair without playing up then we’ll just have to get it cut shorter again.

🤯

@Deathraystare

Tell her how nice and 'swishy' it is. She will soon be swishing her hair so much you will want to shave it off!

I used to love swishing my short hair lol

tell her it looks lovely and fine, and that even if its not her favourite hairstyle right now, it will grow back, and would she like to get some new clips or a new alice band?

My father used to give me a bowl cut because ‘it was easier’ for years. I hated it. It made me feel like rubbish and I never felt good about my looks!