To ask why parents let their kids do this?!

[MustardScreams]

Took dd out for lunch today to a lovely little cafe, geared up for kiddies (playroom, good kids food) as a treat as I haven’t been well, and work full time so we never have a week-day off together.

There was a little girl (the only other child there at that point) around 4/5 with no parents in sight and she saw me playing with dd and latched on. Usually I wouldn’t mind, but I really just wanted to spend time with my child. We couldn’t shake her off, and I couldn’t find her parent/guardian anywhere. Surely if you’re taking your kid out for lunch or whatever a) you keep an eye on them and b) you don’t let them harass other families?!

I've made a child cry by telling them to go away from me.

Well what a snowflake that child was. After all,you were just being clear and direct and using language they could understand.

To play with 5 year old's constantly does them no favours. The child's parents were wrong not to line of sight supervise. They were not wrong not to be in the play corner earnestly performance parenting.

Oh dear. You’ve really shot yourself in the foot there. By your own admission there was no one else (and certainly not the child’s parents) watching. Performance parenting requires an audience.

OP was gasp interacting with her two year old, until her two year old was displaced by a five year old who also wanted OP’s attention.

Despite the fact OP was in the space, I don’t think she’s required to give that attention if she doesn’t want to. She is much less obliged to give it by the child’s own parents.

To play with 5 year old's constantly does them no favours.

But forcing other parents to play with your kid does them favours?

Ultimately, whether you supervise your kids is a matter of what you can trust them with. Can you trust them to play nicely? Can you trust them to behave politely and not impose themselves on either adults or children without asking first, and withdrawing if they’re told no thank you? Can you trust them to treat things with respect?

If any of the answers are ‘no’ you need to supervise your kid and, if they are looking for interaction and none is forthcoming from other children, interact with them. You can leave the not-hovering and teaching them to play independently for home or elsewhere.

There

Rogue ‘there’ at the end!

To play with 5 year old's constantly does them no favours.

And this is also taking one event and extrapolating it to mean constantly. On this occasion, op wants to talk to and play with her 2 year old. That is allowed you know. Doesn't mean that at other times she doesn't encourage independent play, just that on this occasion she was interacting with her child.

I'd have asked the cafe staff to locate the parents and remove the child if they didn't go away after a few words. You shouldn't be expected to mind/entertain random children of strangers. Only a CF would say they don't see the harm. Parent your own child FFS no one wants your over indulged child foisted on them. Teach them how to behave in public spaces.

Great. So what are all the "my child is a social butterfly" "I encourage independent play" " if you're in a public space expect to parent my child" doing for the collective good then? 🤣

JassyRadlett like everyone who starts a pit with a faux "oh dear" you're being deliberately obtuse.

Spelling everything out to someone so determined to misunderstand is tiring, but I suppose does illustrate why a 5 year old failed to read between the lines of the OP's very indirect attempts to communicate.

The parents if the 5 year old did not need to performance parent their child to convince the OP that they met her good parenting standard. Constantly hovering over and directing the play of a 5 year old does them no favours.

As I've said a million times they should have been line of sight supervising.

As I've said a million times they should have been line of sight supervising.

And they weren't. So they were in the wrong then, yes? Great. All sorted.

A 5 year old should absolutely be able to entertain themselves. It's great for their imagination.

But that's not what this particular darling was doing was it?
It was bugging the crap out of the OP. So all this swarming about not hovering and allowing kids freedom is BS. Because all that was happening is that instead of the parents having to deal with their burden they were foisting it onto another parent who was actually parenting their child.

Dannydyerismydad
Wow, what a thoroughly unpleasant person you are!

It's a continuum between "not my problem" and "it takes a village" and always depends on specifics. I always offer to help people off trains with their pram but in this scenario I would have sent the DC back to their parent. Immediately.

I'm happy for my older DC to play on their own and with other DC. I look up occasionally from my phone and would intervene if they were bothering an adult.

I think it's pretty evident on this post there is a great divide on what parents think is and isn't acceptable, Im one who thinks you should never expect other people to parent your child when they are doing something wrong or just be left to do as they please because it's a child's playing area or that's it's ok for your child not to be supervised at that age and that common decency, manners and thought for others dosent matter I think surly it should even more so when your giving your child time for independent play thats when it's time for them to apply all of these things to others in the play area but clearly there's a great deal of children there who just do what they want with no regard for others and either no supervision or they parent watching from afar and thinking other adults and children don't matter because they child is having independent play, I've learnt from this thread that the same parents don't mind adults being rude to they children and just telling them go away from us please so when I'm next out in a public place minding my dd3 whose 2 years of age and a child wont leave ME alone not my dd3 (who sometimes wants to play with me not other children but by sound of it these parents think just beacuse they child wants to play with a certain child, that child just has to play with them or tell them rudely go away) I am to tell them along the lines 'leave me alone and go play' and however the child reacts the parent of child shouldn't be upset by my rudeness to they child because they child is busy learning independent play so I speak to them as I would a adult and if parents hears about this they will then bother correcting they child without bothering me even more than the child was as to what's happened because they are clueless I'm I correct by what a couple of you are saying?

Makesmilingyourbesthobby

I think that's the gist of it.

Athough rest assured when you come back to report that you told a child to go away and were immediately rounded on by a screaming banshee of an indignant mother that the very same posters will be telling you how mean and unfriendly you are to a small child.

DecomposingComposers another fan of being deliberately obtuse, it's some kind of sport among a subset of posters.

They were both at fault. 5 year old should have been line of sight supervised and called back if bothering an unknown adult - OP should absolutely not have let an unknown child sit on her lap, and should have had the common sense to speak clearly to a child and not come out with prevarication and obfuscation when speaking to a child of too young an age to be expected to decode her hidden meaning. Avoiding saying what she meant by trying to send the child away from the play area makes it worse, not only because the child had every right to be in the play area, but because if the child had taken OP literally they'd have gone and wandered off around the cafe instead of staying in (or right next to as the op is now saying) the play area, where presumably their parents or care giver thought they were.

Both in the wrong, especially given the OP's "why should I have to" say what I mean and sending a child away from the play area because she didn't want her there.

Tell the child not to climb on you and to go and play! Yes, you sometimes have to speak to people in public places even if you've gone to the public places to be alone...

Nope. Victim blaming. The parents of the girl caused the issue by not supervising adequately. The op should not have reacted in any particular way. It's very easy to understand why people don't want to risk confrontation in society - because you have no idea what the outcome will be.

Decomposing- I also wonder just how many of these 'social butterfly' children won't be so sociable anymore when we all start telling more adults who struggle with the same thing everytime they go anywhere public and these children are hanging around they parents and nagging and not so social when they realise not everyone wants to hear about what they did at they nans house or that nobodies listening that you haven't had dinner today (things that seem to be the norm from these children yes that's right while your off having a cuppa etc your children are telling total adult strangers all they and yours business) or that other adults actually are there to play and mind they own children not for them to latch onto for attention/help but then thinking about it all I often hear their parents tell them similar things 'go away and play' so maybe they won't be approaching they parents either

DecomposingComposers victim blaming refers to the victims of crime or abuse, the OP is not a victim and using the term victim blaming here is incorrect and trivialises the expression beyond meaning.

I think the main thing to remember is no one likes your kid as much as you do. So however cute or friendly you perceive them to be, other people don’t have to think like that. And if you see them joining another family, make sure that it’s ok first. Certainly don’t leave them to their own devices because of ‘independent play’.

Exactly. I barely like my kids sometimes. I'm never egotistical or tearing enough to believe that anyone else wants to listening to the complete shit that manages to pour out of their mouth of continuously

mustardscreams From they responses I don't think they will they seem perfectly happy leaving they child act how they want and behave how they like towards others and to learn all by themselves what is and isn't appropriate and to apply what they learn all by themselves or should it by themselves and strangers due to 'independent play' me personally this has nothing to do with independent play as it's nothing to do with play how they children treat different situations, looks like it's up to us strangers yet again to deal with some mothers children and tell them 'go away from me' or 'leave me alone' I added the 'go play' to help the kid out this seems to be satisfactory (unbelievable) from their posts and they nor they child should bother us again while we there

DecomposingComposers victim blaming refers to the victims of crime or abuse,

No it doesn't. It refers to blaming the innocent party for not behaving differently and that's what you were doing. You're saying it's the op at fault for not doing this or saying that when the truth is had the girl's parents been adequately supervising her the op wouldn't have needed to say or do anything. That's the long and short of it.

@barryfromclareisfit

It's genuinely laughable that people still don't understand what the issue is. It really does need spelt out.

If your child is attaching themselves to another adult in a cafe, soft play, or any other family-friendly area, they clearly want to play with an adult. Therefore, their parent/s should go and play with them instead of "supervising" (I use this term very loosely) them from a distance or ignoring them to go on their phone. They are clearly looking for attention that is lacking from their own parent/s. Go and provide it, or go home where you can ignore your child without bothering other people.

It is not any other parent's responsibility to play with your child for you so you can have a relaxing coffee, or pretend that your child is the most amazing, confident child in the world because they're being a 'social butterfly'. You have simply missed out on one of the most important lessons which is teaching your child not to talk to strangers. It is not a good thing. That other 'parent' could be anyone.

Stop trying to justify lazy, hands off parenting. At the very least, it's annoying for other parents and an awkward situation for them to have to deal with, when they shouldn't need to. At the very most, you're genuinely risking your child's safety.