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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why parents let their kids do this?!

406 replies

MustardScreams · 05/09/2019 14:27

Took dd out for lunch today to a lovely little cafe, geared up for kiddies (playroom, good kids food) as a treat as I haven’t been well, and work full time so we never have a week-day off together.

There was a little girl (the only other child there at that point) around 4/5 with no parents in sight and she saw me playing with dd and latched on. Usually I wouldn’t mind, but I really just wanted to spend time with my child. We couldn’t shake her off, and I couldn’t find her parent/guardian anywhere. Surely if you’re taking your kid out for lunch or whatever a) you keep an eye on them and b) you don’t let them harass other families?!

OP posts:
vanillaicedtea · 06/09/2019 21:18

@Someonetookmyusername that's good. I am sorry if I've came across as quite snappy with you, it's just very frustrating because I've found myself in this situation a good few times and my DD is only 6 months and I find it very stressful when a much older child tries to attach themselves. I just don't want my baby to get hurt as children obviously can be a bit clumsy and whatnot. I don't think anyone can call me a helicopter parent for that.

I would just much prefer if I could play with my DD in peace and then if another mum with a similarly aged child wanted them to play together, she came over and played near by and the two babies crawled over to one another, or she at least asked 'would you mind if x played with your baby for a bit? and stayed close by. Rather than a lone child coming over, attaching themselves and their parent letting them get on with it. It just takes advantage of the other parent/s, imo.

Someonetookmyusername · 06/09/2019 21:19

Again MustardScreams I don't expect you to parent my child. I'm there, I'm supervising, that is being a parent. Playing in the play area is not required and I don't expect other parents to do it.

If you are in the play area you area going to be played with. If you don't want to play ith other people's kids don't go in the play area.

If I'm with someone else who can hold the baby and I feel like playing with my kid I am happy for other children to come up and play.

DecomposingComposers · 06/09/2019 21:20

What 6 month old can go in the play area alone?

Barbarara · 06/09/2019 21:22

I used to take my dc to a play cafe but stopped because the owner’s dd would come and latch on. I felt sorry for her because she was completely bored. I don’t mind other children approaching and being friendly with mine, and it has been a way of meeting other mums which can be nice. But it’s awkward when they want help on equipment, or you want to buy your own child a treat and they want one too. I stopped going to the cafe.

I had a child follow us out of the playground one day, and no amount of “we’re going now, goodbye” and “I think you need to go back to your mum now”, was having any effect. I had to leave to collect my eldest from school. I closed the gate on her but when I got to the car she was trailing across the car park towards us. I was strapping my toddler into the car when an irate grandmother appeared to rescue her from me Hmm

Our library has an announcement on a loop about informing the police if children are left unattended at closing time Hmm

dustarr73 · 06/09/2019 21:23

@Someonetookmyusername they also took your reading comprehension.Its been said numerous times the child only wanted the adult.Not to play with he other child.And 20 minutes is way too long to be unsupervised at that age.

Someonetookmyusername · 06/09/2019 21:24

DecomposingComposers who said a 6 month old could play on their own? Not me

vanillaicedtea · 06/09/2019 21:24

@DecomposingComposers

At my soft play there's an area especially for babies and crawlers. This is often full of older kids even though they aren't allowed in there. Mostly because their parents are too busy having a coffee to see where they are and tell them to go to the area which is suitable for their age group. Therefore, you tend to have groups of small children who attach themselves to the mums with babies because they want an adult to play with.

myweechickens · 06/09/2019 21:24

So I didn't see the bit where the child was climbing on the OP knee, but instead of thinking, said child was being neglected, craving adult attention blah blah. What if the child was being nosy? OP had her phone out and was showing her child something, what if the child climbed up to see what it was because they couldn't see from the ground or because the camera was facing elsewhere? I mean it is a possibility, people can be so judgmental it's outrageous the things being fired about, the child your talking about is probably loved for and cared for immensely by a very capable parent who shock horror, took her child somewhere they could interact with age related children. I also agree with a previous poster about the age of the child, a child of 5 would definitely have been at school

Original poster
MustardScreams · 06/09/2019 21:24

@Someonetookmyusername I wasn’t in the play area Confused dd was.

OP posts:
JassyRadlett · 06/09/2019 21:30

If you are in the play area you area going to be played with. If you don't want to play ith other people's kids don't go in the play area.

Nope. Part of parenting your child is making sure they’re not bothering people who don’t want their attention.

Just because a parent is in a play area with their child, doesn’t mean they have to entertain yours as well.

If your child can’t entertain themselves, it’s your job to help them. Not expect other parents to sacrifice their time with playing with their kids for the sake of your child, if they don’t want to for any reason.

I get that it’s tough with a baby, I’ve been there. So we had to adapt where we went for a while so both kids got the attention they needed.

The only way your child will learn who wants to play and who doesn’t is if you teach them.

sweetiepie1979 · 06/09/2019 21:31

YABU
I hate it when parents are in the play area I sit where I am see my kids when another adult goes in there my kids are straight up to them and talking to them and throwing balls st them and things and I think fuck sake get out of the play area it’s for kids!
If you’d left them to it they may have played together and learnt about social interactions you in the play pen bit is just strange it’s not like it was a baby who can’t sit up.

vanillaicedtea · 06/09/2019 21:32

What if the child was being nosy? OP had her phone out and was showing her child something, what if the child climbed up to see what it was because they couldn't see from the ground or because the camera was facing elsewhere?

OP clearly didn't want to show this child though. It's not her child. She clearly wanted the child to get bored and go away- showing the child the thing would have implied that it was okay for the child to stay and join in. It wasn't.

I mean it is a possibility, people can be so judgmental it's outrageous the things being fired about, the child your talking about is probably loved for and cared for immensely by a very capable parent who shock horror, took her child somewhere they could interact with age related children.

But the child wasn't interacting with other age related children. The child was literally climbing up an adult who had just had surgery. It's not judgemental to think that that is utterly ridiculous. I would question if the parent is capable if they genuinely lost sight of their child in a cafe for 20 minutes (what if they'd left and went out onto the road or god forbid, got taken by someone). I'd also question their capability if they were supervising from afar, looked over and saw their child acting like that and thought "that's cute look they're having fun" as OP looks uncomfortable.

I think everyone is just going around in circles on this thread. It's simply not acceptable behaviour and one day, someone won't take kindly to a child doing that to them. It'll all end in tears and the parents who let their kids run wild will be up in arms about someone making their dear angel cry.

Yabbers · 06/09/2019 21:39

Feel lucky. Other kids come within feet of DD and just stare at her, gawping like guppies, at her frame or chair and her splints. It would be lovely if they actually spoke to her instead of treating her like a freak show.

vanillaicedtea · 06/09/2019 21:45

@JassyRadlett

Agree. What I can't understand is the thinking behind it all. The parents who sit at a table and have a coffee and go on about their kids being so confident and attaching themselves to other parents and their kids is great because they're "social butterflies" and they wouldn't want to rein that in. But clearly, the parents in the play area with their kid are in there for a reason- to play 1 on 1 with their child. If they weren't, then they'd also be at a table drinking a coffee.

When you complain about this then suddenly the first group of parents get all shocked and say well if I was in the play area I wouldn't mind! But the whole point is you weren't in the play area. You were having a coffee!

I obviously understand if a parent is in the play area with a child perfectly old enough to play and make friends themselves, it's a bit annoying when parents are following them about. But I think the majority of parents who are in the area are in there for a reason, and that should be respected. It is quite easy to call a child over and explain that x is busy with their child but there's a group of kids over there who look like they're having fun and they should join in. Or keep the kid occupied with an activity book until you're ready to play with them and give them that 1 on 1 attention they're currently craving. Not let some other poor soul do it for you because you cba or you're currently busy.

DecomposingComposers · 06/09/2019 21:46

@Someonetookmyusername

Vanilla said that she doesn't like children interrupting her playing with her 6 month old. You said that if you are in the play area then you are fair game. So where does Vanilla play with her baby then? Either she lets her 6 month old in the play area alone or she has to put up.with other children climbing all over her?

DecomposingComposers · 06/09/2019 21:50

@myweechickens

So what if the child couldn't see what was on ops phone? She was showing her own child not this random child. How entitled can you be?

And schools in our area don't go back until this Monday so the child may well have been 4 or 5.

sweetiepie1979 · 06/09/2019 21:52

Yes she puts up with it... it’s a play area for kids adults in there are basically up for playing or get out... it’s a play area.... and your not setting a very friendly example if you are the type of adult to say I’m only showing to play with my child that’s not very friendly. When I’ve gone in with my toddler I’ve engaged with the kids ....
If you want one on one time what go to a social area ....

Cherrysoup · 06/09/2019 21:55

@Derbee yes, the children in the North are much more capable, because of their mining experience

Pmsl! 😂

DecomposingComposers · 06/09/2019 21:57

Why do other parents have to play with your child just because they are playing with their own? And the op wasn't at soft play. It was a corner of a cafe. So what? Wherever she was doesn't mean that she has to play with random children.

I've had this in restaurants, on trains, in parks (not the playground but just the grass area) in the outpatient department at the hospital - should I avoid all of these areas too as my very presence means that I'm asking for it?

How would you react if one of these parents told your child to go away?

Original poster
MustardScreams · 06/09/2019 22:01

Look, just keep your children away unless they’re invited over to play. Then there won’t be any of this malarkey,

I am not staying inside because other adults are incapable of realising that actually, no one wants their annoying child with them, no matter how friendly there are.

OP posts:
vanillaicedtea · 06/09/2019 22:03

@sweetiepie1979

Is it me you're saying to put up with it after DecomposingComposers response or OP? Because if you think I should put up with children who are too old for the baby play area while I'm playing with my baby then that's utter madness. I have to play with my child because she's a baby and needs close supervision. She's only been crawling properly for a month and has started pulling herself up to stand. I need to be there to make sure she doesn't fall onto a toy or get ran into by children who shouldn't be there.

Even if DD was older and didn't "need" me to be there, if she wanted me to come in and play with her (maybe she was a bit shy or just wanted some time with her mum), that isn't an open invitation. Parents can be friendly to other kids and say hello back and whatnot, but being friendly doesn't mean "yeah sure I'll take 10 kids under my wing and play with them all, ignoring my child who wants to only play with me today for no reason". Your viewpoint is very entitled and unfair on other people.

People go to social areas because they have facilities that most people don't have in their own home. It's up to you how you want to use it. I certainly don't have the money or room to make my own soft play cafe in my house. Although, after reading this thread, I wish I did.

Cookies2015 · 06/09/2019 22:10

I agree OP. I have an only child and I get left with other people's children quite often, no I don't want to entertain them, I'm usually very tired and suffering with anxiety and want to be left alone with mine. If the children are playing together that's a different matter but having a random child hanging around is annoying to me when I'm having time with mine. Parent your own child or at least come over and check that the other adult is happy for them to be hanging around, you don't have to watch other people's children for them and it's not fair for people to expect you too. Not saying it's right as your entitled to be left in peace but I've left places before due to this and gone somewhere else.

PavlovaFaith · 06/09/2019 22:16

I was all prepared to say YANBU until I saw the photo. That's an area you can expect to let kids roam around in.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 06/09/2019 22:49

Roam. Not annoy other parents. If you see your kid being annoying. Go and get them.

AnxietyDream · 06/09/2019 23:30

This thread has really surprised me. When I go to the park with my dd if it's empty she will go play while I sit/read/feed the baby etc. If other people are there she will go talk to them/ask them to play etc (adults and children, she doesn't really get the difference!), and I continue as I would if they weren't there. Maybe give them a smile (which is apparently terrible and patronising, I thought it was being friendly!). I'm certainly not expecting them to do childcare. Me trying to play with her myself certainly wouldn't stop her as she gets to play with me all day so she delights in the opportunity to ignore me and play with someone else.

If she's playing with another child, especially a younger one, I do watch closer/intervene if there's any risk of upset because I know small children don't always know how to handle things. It's genuinely never occurred to me that a fully grown adult might need rescuing from my toddler. If a child was bothering me I would just send them away/ignore them, and I just assumed other adults would do the same to my dd if they didn't want her around.