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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask why parents let their kids do this?!

406 replies

MustardScreams · 05/09/2019 14:27

Took dd out for lunch today to a lovely little cafe, geared up for kiddies (playroom, good kids food) as a treat as I haven’t been well, and work full time so we never have a week-day off together.

There was a little girl (the only other child there at that point) around 4/5 with no parents in sight and she saw me playing with dd and latched on. Usually I wouldn’t mind, but I really just wanted to spend time with my child. We couldn’t shake her off, and I couldn’t find her parent/guardian anywhere. Surely if you’re taking your kid out for lunch or whatever a) you keep an eye on them and b) you don’t let them harass other families?!

OP posts:

TheVanguardSix · 05/09/2019 14:50

I do get your sentiments OP. I really do. However, it's a kids' play area. It's a social setting for kids who will inevitably- surprise surprise- make friends with others for a few hours. It's probably not the best place to go to if you want one-to-one time with your child. And I so don't mean to come across as unkind (I'm worried that I do). I've been there, reading stories to other people's kids while the parents are relaxing, having coffee, not paying attention to their own child. I've also been the mother with the 'child who has conjoined himself to another child in the playground for the afternoon and insists on joining the child's family picnic. It's just how it is with little ones.

Sipperskipper · 05/09/2019 14:51

YANBU OP. DD likes other children (she’s 2 and a bit) and I usually don’t mind, but it is a bit awkward if someone else’s child is following us around!

Before the summer I was on a local beach with DD, picking stones up, looking for crabs, wading in the sea etc. A little boy aged maybe about 3 came to join us. His dad was sitting on a fold up chair with what I assume to be the boy’s grandparents. He kept shouting out ‘Alfie! No leave that! Don’t touch that!’ from a distance. The boy followed DD and I into the sea (we weren’t swimming, just had trousers rolled up), and the dad sort of watched him follow us, then came rushing over & told him off (whilst also seeming annoyed at me!) for getting wet.

Sometimes it’s nice kids, wanting to be friendly & play, often it’s just lazy parents.

malificent7 · 05/09/2019 14:52

You sound more concerned that a child was making friends with your dd than the fact she was alone.
I'm the opposite...i love it when other kids make friends with dd so i can get some peace!

Derbee · 05/09/2019 14:52

YANBU. It’s annoying to be the present parent that has to look after all the kids who’s parents are off somewhere else.

Skittlenommer · 05/09/2019 14:54

I think some parents can’t wait to off-load their kid as it’s the only break they get. YANBU to want to spend time alone with your child. If a child latched on to me I’d glue them to the nearest slide and run away!!

malificent7 · 05/09/2019 14:54

Kids want to play with each other...it's er normal. If you want alone time with dd have a playdate in a cave!

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 05/09/2019 14:55

Tbh I’d get annoyed after 15/20 minutes too.

HauntedPinecone · 05/09/2019 14:55

Ugh I hate this too OP.

People act very offended and surprised that I send kids away if they approach. I don't come out to entertain your kid whilst you smile and indulgently look on.

simplekindoflife · 05/09/2019 14:57

I feel sorry for the child but i can see your POV too! Totally fine for awhile but the parent should be supervising and playing with their own child too.

I feel your pain! I have two children in school and we only get 30 minutes with them for a "come into school and see my work" type day once a term. It's at the same time, so I have to split it to just 15 minutes for each child. There's a child in my DD's class whose parents never turn up for any of the school events, so she always latches onto us. Of course we let her join in, as I feel sorry for her, but she talks all over my daughter and she can't get a word in edgeways. It's very frustrating and no-win situation for me as my dd gets upset that she can't show me anything before I had to run off to see her brother.

It's not fun being responsible for other people's children against your will...

Biggobyboo · 05/09/2019 15:01

I don’t like other people’s children either to be fair.

FishCanFly · 05/09/2019 15:05

So a child wanted to play with your child. and you call that harassment?

Jellybeansincognito · 05/09/2019 15:08

How old is your DD op? If your DD is also 3-4 then of course you’re being unreasonable.

Celebelly · 05/09/2019 15:09

I don't think YABU. Honestly I don't like other people's children, even now I have DD. I find interacting with them awkward and really just wish they would go away I think it's different to a play date where you accept it as it's an organised thing. I wouldn't let my DD wander off and bother other people unless they intimated it was fine or invited her over. Loose kids wandering around cafes and restaurants are v annoying and yes, it's lazy parenting to expect someone else to play with your child while you enjoy your lunch.

I fully accept I'm an antisocial harpy though. But please, just leave me alone.

Fatasfooook · 05/09/2019 15:10

Yabu. Don’t take your child to a kids cafe if you want alone time, kids gravitate towards each other and that should be encouraged.

Celebelly · 05/09/2019 15:11

I also think there's a big difference to someone coming over with their child and making conversation and supervising their own kid to some random child appearing from the wild with no adult, where you then have to supervise their interactions while their parent sits elsewhere not having to be involved.

53rdWay · 05/09/2019 15:13

YANBU. Especially annoying when it’s younger pre-verbal children. Had to go round all the tables at a cafe the other week to find out whose toddler had latched on to us. She was very sweet but we’d spent 15 minutes playing with her and we needed to leave! Eventually her dad wandered over and said “oh there she is.”

carly2803 · 05/09/2019 15:14

id have definately said wheres your mum/dad whoever.

I cant be doing with other peoples kids who latch. I get they do but if you say you need to go find your mummsy now - then mummy should be aware thats code for go away!!

its nice for kids to play together, but sometimes its not and parents should be well, parenting!!

Original poster

MustardScreams · 05/09/2019 15:16

Dd is 2.5 and wasn’t interacting with her, so it’s not like I was being a total bitch and not letting them play, I’m not that bad

OP posts:

OMGshefoundmeout · 05/09/2019 15:16

This stray Child couldn’t have played with your DD for 15/20 minutes unless your DD wanted it to happen. She got the outing she wanted and you were disappointed.

It sounds like you are coming to the stage of parenthood where you stop being their entire world and they look beyond the family circle for stimulation. This will carry on right through their adolescence. If you are lucky once they reach their twenties you might become important again! It can be tough sometimes but it’s all part and parcel of raising a healthy, well attached child who doesn’t need you constantly by their side. Good work OP

caringcarer · 05/09/2019 15:16

I found a small child wondering around in a car park once. She was about 18 months and had probably followed someone out the door. I took her back in and it took me almost 10 mins to find the parent who was busy on her phone. I walked up and down asking people if she was with them. I reminded her it only takes a second for her child to run into road. She didn't even thank me for bringing her child back to her. A very small number of parents are just irresponsible.

Cheesetoastiesagain · 05/09/2019 15:17

it just pisses me off when other parents slack off and don’t interact with their own kids and expect others to do it for them.

Agree 100%

Celebelly · 05/09/2019 15:19

I had to get really firm with a loose child the other day who kept trying to hold my DD, to the point of trying to wrestle her out of my arms! I've no idea where her parents were, but I ended up having to say quite sharply 'Stop doing that right now.' She then wandered off, probably to tell her parents about the mean lady

pumpkinpie01 · 05/09/2019 15:21

My DH has had this so many times at the local play barn , other kids latching on to him and our son while the mums have just sat on their phones drinking coffee. He goes to play with our DS not amuse others when the parents can't be bothered. It really irritates him.

museumum · 05/09/2019 15:21

there's such a difference between 2.5 like the OPs child and 5 like the other child.
At 5yrs old I would not go into a play area in a cafe with my dc and play "with" him, none of my friends and family would either. I'd sit where I can see the play area or if not possible then between the play area and door. But 5yr olds need a little bit of space. I doubt mine would 'harrass' another adult but he might approach another kid to chat/play.

dustarr73 · 05/09/2019 15:21

This does my head in.I have enough of my own kids,im not minding yours.

The op was nice[ish] ,the next person mightnt be.When will parents realise that.

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