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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why parents let their kids do this?!

406 replies

MustardScreams · 05/09/2019 14:27

Took dd out for lunch today to a lovely little cafe, geared up for kiddies (playroom, good kids food) as a treat as I haven’t been well, and work full time so we never have a week-day off together.

There was a little girl (the only other child there at that point) around 4/5 with no parents in sight and she saw me playing with dd and latched on. Usually I wouldn’t mind, but I really just wanted to spend time with my child. We couldn’t shake her off, and I couldn’t find her parent/guardian anywhere. Surely if you’re taking your kid out for lunch or whatever a) you keep an eye on them and b) you don’t let them harass other families?!

OP posts:
MonstranceClock · 05/09/2019 14:28

If she was alone did you not alert staff??

dannydyerismydad · 05/09/2019 14:30

Urgh. There was a woman local to me. A "life coach". She used to abandon her kids in Costa so she could do her job. There was always some poor sap who ended up with her feral urchins scavenging at their table.

Thankfully both kids are at school now. Coffees in town are safe again.

CassianAndor · 05/09/2019 14:30

how long are we talking about? Maybe the parent had gone to the loo?

4/5 year olds don't need their parents glued to them in the way that toddlers do.

InDubiousBattle · 05/09/2019 14:31

I would have told the staff if she didn't have a parent/carer nearby.

bloodywhitecat · 05/09/2019 14:32

Did you bring the fact she was there alone to the attention of the café staff?

EntirelyAnonymised · 05/09/2019 14:33

‘Harass other families’

You said this child was four or five years old. Blimey OP Sad

Witchinaditch · 05/09/2019 14:33

She’s a child! You sound miserable.

Original poster
MustardScreams · 05/09/2019 14:34

But she’s not my child! I’m not free childcare when someone else wants to sit and eat in peace ffs.

No admittedly I didn’t mention it to the staff, which was probably wrong on my part.

OP posts:
EntirelyAnonymised · 05/09/2019 14:35

Did you ask the child where their mummy or daddy were?

LetsSplashMummy · 05/09/2019 14:35

I don't mind this, and I am more often the one that ends up entertaining. I have a shy DD, and she'd never make the first step in playing with someone else, so it was nice for her if someone came over wanting to play with her.

It was never a problem to say to a 4/5 yr old "could you go and find your mummy or daddy now, they'll be looking for you."

coconutpie · 05/09/2019 14:36

You should have alerted the staff.

Greywalls12 · 05/09/2019 14:37

yanbu. I took DS 5 months swimming a couple of weeks ago and there was a 4/5 year old who kept coming up to us and wanting to play with me and DS, except he kept trying to splash DS as well. no idea who his parents were as it was quite busy, but it was super irritating. I asked him where his parents were and said he should try and find them and he just said his dad was swimming and kept coming back to us. Then his dad got out with him, who turned out to be over the other side of the pool on his own, so not like he was supervising another child!
Also thought it was really irresponsible to leave a young child to basically swim on his own with no swim aids or supervision!

ZaraW · 05/09/2019 14:37

I'd feel sorry for her and have a chat. Children tend to gravitate towards each other.

roisinagusniamh · 05/09/2019 14:37

Used to happen to me all the time.
A (now ex) friend of mine took a nap once while I was at her house with mty preschoolers for a play and meet up!!

NorthEndGal · 05/09/2019 14:38

Did you ask her where her parents were?
Also, I'm sure she meant no harm, and as a grown up, you'd understand that?

Original poster
MustardScreams · 05/09/2019 14:39

@LetsSplashMummy as I said, I don’t usually mind. Dd is an only and she loves playing with other kids. But I have been in hospital & then recovering from an op and so dd has been staying with my parents and I haven’t seen her. I just wanted to hang out with her and not have to be responsible for someone else’s child at the same time.

OP posts:
bloodywhitecat · 05/09/2019 14:41

I foster. The child I have at present was so scared of social situations with other children when they first came to live with me that they stood literally rooted to the spot. For the first time yesterday my child didn't back away from a child who wanted to look at her shoes, she sat and let her look then turned to me and said "I play with dat (her)?". For the first time. I cannot tell you how much I hope that by the time my FC is 4-5 years old they will have the confidence to venture away from their adult and play. You never know what is in a child's past or what makes them latch onto a stranger.

Annabellemum · 05/09/2019 14:42

If you didnt alert staff or actively get up and look for the child's parents, I doubt they were 100 miles away, it sounds like you were expecting this 4/5 year old to understand youd been in hospital and wanted a bit of alone time with your daughter and just apologise and leave Haha?

CassianAndor · 05/09/2019 14:43

again - how long was this for? Was the child's parent in sight at all?

Original poster
MustardScreams · 05/09/2019 14:44

I asked her where her parents were and it was time for her to go back to them. But as 4/5 years olds sometimes do she didn’t take any notice.

Perhaps IABU but it just pisses me off when other parents slack off and don’t interact with their own kids and expect others to do it for them.

OP posts:
Original poster
MustardScreams · 05/09/2019 14:45

@CassianAndor sorry missed your q. I’d say around 15/20 mins - how long it took out food to come and then we went and sat at our table.

OP posts:
CassianAndor · 05/09/2019 14:46

that's quite a long time. I can understand your annoyance.

lmusic87 · 05/09/2019 14:47

Thats so cheeky! I would have asked loudly who she was with

Daylily34 · 05/09/2019 14:48

I think I’d have asked her where her parents were . I remember years ago walking round an outside cafe with a child I’d stopped leaving through the gate , calling out for her parent. I found the mum eventually having a coughing fit and obviously really poorly . Dread to think though what might have happened if I’d minded my own business .

Oysterbabe · 05/09/2019 14:49

I don't think having to play with another child for 15 minutes is a big deal. Parents probably let their child play with other children because usually both children enjoy that.